Reaching Through Darkness

Ch 33
Karen

I woke up, feeling a hand on my forehead. I cracked my eyes opened and squinted through a blur of sleepiness. To my surprise I saw Luke Skywalker standing over me with a bit of a smile on his face. He pulled his hand away from my forehead and shushed me to be silent. I wondered if I had not projected myself or was possibly dreaming. I slowly sat up, wondering why I felt strange.

I turned my attention inward. It felt like I had cried myself to sleep and had been scared for a long time, but at that moment I couldn’t remember why. It also felt like I had been asleep for a long time and the sleep was a very peaceful on. On the whole, I felt very emotionally mixed up. I stayed silent, trying to ignore my upset stomach churning away. I put a hand to the pain and saw that Luke stopped smiling. The Force flowed through me from a different source. I looked at Master Skywalker again and realized he was scanning me through the Force. His lips pressed together and formed a disappointing frown. I wondered what was wrong or what I might have done.

“How do you feel?”

I opened my mouth to answer, but that was a mistake. I ran to the bathroom just in time. As I came out, Nea handed me a bottle of water. I accept the water to wash away the awful taste and looked past Nea to see a sleeping Master Mirmo. I wondered if he should not be woken up. I walked pass Nea and went to my master. I whispered to Mirmo to wake up. He started out of his peaceful sleep and looked up at me in confusion for a second. I saw comprehension dawn in his bright green eyes.

“Karen, do not do that to me. Are you ok? Do you need anything?”

I told him I had thrown up, hoping he could fill me as to what was wrong.

“Oh, morning sickness. I am sorry apprentice. There is not much that can be done for that. I see you have water. Good. Is Master Skywalker here?”

“Yes, I am here.”

Mirmo leaned over to see Luke Skywalker standing behind me. He stood up and stretched.

“Excuse me Master, I was sleeping apparently when you came in. Please take my seat. I need to get up and move around. Karen, you sit down too. Luke, can I get you anything?”

Master Skywalker laughed quietly as Mirmo paced around, obviously unnerved by the sudden situation.

“No, I do not need anything. Mirmo, relax for your apprentice’s sake.”

I caught Master Mirmo glaring at me to sit down. I sighed and took a seat. My hand unconsciously went to my stomach. Everyone stared at my belly. I looked down and saw nothing out of the normal. Then I remembered I was pregnant and started to tremble. I gripped the bottle of water and took a deep breath, trying not to show my fears to two Jedi masters. Mirmo walked over and laid a hand on my shoulder.

“It is ok Karen. I brought Master Skywalker to help us sort this all out.”

Luke nodded in agreement.

“Yes, that is right. From last I heard Karen was captured and harmed, and I see she is now pregnant?”

I lowered in eyes in pure, utter shame. I felt the horror and disgust of my body flood me. All three men were staring at me again. I had failed the order and now my worse fear was going to come true. Master Skywalker was going to kick me out of the order because Jedi weren’t supposed to get pregnant. I wiped away leaking tears and through a pinched voice, begged Luke not to throw me out. I wasn’t going to keep the baby so I wouldn’t be pregnant. All three men stared at me in completely shock. Master Skywalker was the first to recover.

“Karen, you know I am not Master Yoda and I do not follow his ways of running an order. I am not going to throw you out for being pregnant. This is not your fault and in no way should you be punished for this. And, what do you mean you are not keeping the baby?”

I swallowed my tears and took another few breaths. I told him I didn’t want the baby. This was not the way I wanted to start a family. I wasn’t ready to be a mother. This time Mirmo spoke.

“Karen, you can not just give up the baby because you were raped. You would be no better than the man that put you in this situation.”

I asked him what he meant by that.

“You will be killing a life. You will be losing a part of you and that is the start of the dark side.”

I stared at him in shock. He was accusing me of wanting to do murder? I told him this thing was not even human. It was just a bunch of cells. Who cares if I lose a few cells?

“Karen, you may not care, but the Force does. These cells are alive and are growing to become something even more alive. You can not just end that. You can not what you told me is ‘playing god’. Those who decide to take control of another life and end it takes a step into the darkside. I know you think this is bad, but it will get worse if you decide to take that step.”

I was getting mad at Mirmo. I told him this was my body. I was the one that had to go through all stages of pregnancy, including the ever so painful birth of a baby I didn’t want. I argued the life in me couldn’t think, move, or have a heartbeat. It was just a cluster of cells and resembled a cancer growth. I went on to say we destroy cancer cells, so why couldn’t I get rid of this? Luke held up a hand to calm me down, but he failed.

“Karen, listen to me. I want to show you something if you are willing.”

He held his glaze steady with me. My will wilted under his eyes.

“Close your eyes.”

I obeyed his order.

“Calm down and allow the Force to enter you.”

It took me a full minute to get rid of my anger enough to let the Force fully flow it natural course through me.

“Now turn your attention to your womb.”

I shudder at that word, but refocused my awareness to where the cells were located. I vaguely felt a faint presence of something else. My mind sharply turned away from the strange feeling.

“Keep focusing.”

I gritted my teeth at Luke’s orders. I made myself go back to the cells. These cells were indeed alive and had a presence of their own. I realized this was my egg, slowly developing into something else.

“Do you feel that? That is what you are going to kill if you opt for abortion. Open your eyes and answer me this.”

I let go of the Force and opened my eyes to look at Master Skywalker’s calm face.

“Have you ever had someone died that you knew well?”

I nodded, unwilling to even think of the names.

“Remember the pain and lost you felt then. You will feel this pain all over again if you kill this life even at this stage. Only the pain will be worse than ever and the lost will be harder to work through. You may not be able to work through the pain and lost and will go over the darkside. Do not do this. Keep the child.”

I told him that I wasn’t ready to be a mother. I didn’t know how to take care of a baby and the baby would have no father.

“Karen, I did not have either parent growing up.”

I winced remembering that fact. Mirmo took a turn talking to me.

“As for not being able to take care of the child, you will have plenty of support. If anything, I will help you raise the child. I am sure there are others that will help you.”

Luke nodded. I looked at Luke and then Mirmo. I didn’t want the kid at all, yet I couldn’t ignore their arguments. I didn’t know what to say. I took a sip of water to borrow more time. I drank my water and realized they weren’t going to let me off the hook. I sighed again and asked them to give me more time. Luke saw my stubbornness and how uneasy I was about the topic.

“I think we can do that. We need to talk about these sith who are the blame for this mess. Mirmo, I know you gave me some details, but I need the whole picture. Why do not tell me what you have discovered.”