A Recipe For Disaster

♠ Alexander ♠

Don't you just hate the feeling that guilt overwhelms you with? My stomach constantly clenches making me feel like I may just throw up or need to go toilet; and my mind's in a whirl and all because Audrina saw Holly kissing me.

That's right; I didn't kiss her, she kissed me. Or was it even a kiss? I know this will sound stupid and maybe even a lie, but I'm being honest when I say she fell and her lips happened to plant themselves on mine the second Audrina walked in. See, you think it sound stupid and it's a lie, don't you?

That was the worst timing ever, and now Audrina and that guy... the look of him made me somewhat jealous. A guy like him; a good guy. I always seemed to be the bad guy.

"Alexander?" Holly's small voice sounded at my door. Audrina and that guy hadn't come back—and I think they never will—and Holly was blaming herself. Even though I felt so much pressure to blame it all on her, I didn't dare slip up in case she had some kind of break down.

"I really feel to blame—and before you lie and say no—I have to tell you something. You've been so hospitable to me...and now Audrina is angry...and also about Jared, well...that's what this is about..."

♠ Audrina ♠

Here I am...a total loser, driving around with a guy who should not be involved in my drama, yet happens to be still by Holly. Even though I lacked the knowledge of Holly's story, I still couldn't comprehend such a situation unless Holly 'accidentally' fell and her lips happened to plant on Alexander's. What a load of bull.

"We really need to find somewhere to go instead of driving around," Jared chuckled and as I looked sideward at him, I knew he knew exactly how I was feeling by the empathetic gleam in his eyes.

"Audrina, Audrina...you were always so considerate," he smiled kindly and we took a U-turn, back to the house of drama.

"Alexander! We need to talk!" I barked as I stomped over the threshold into my home, awaiting the argument that we'd soon be engaged in. Not that I was looking forward to it or anything, but I felt like giving him a good beating.

"Audrina! Thank god!" Alexander rushed from the kitchen in front of me and grabbed hold of my shoulders, unexpectedly and to my extreme surprise; pulled me into him in an a little to tight hug.

"Jared?!" Holly gasped from behind Alexander and we all turned our gaze and looked at her shocked expression, seeing his perplexed one. Wide-eyes and weary, Holly started to stammer.

"Jared, please, please remember me!" She cried—melodramatically I might add—and Alexander let go of me to hold her back as Jared groaned in pain, falling to his knees, clutching his head.

"Jared!" I gasped and knelt down next to him. Though this was a grave moment I couldn't help but think it was funny; his name kept being thrown around. "What's wrong—!"

I fell back as Holly rushed forward and pushed me out of the way; holding Jared's hand and head as she asked what's was wrong in a panicked frenzy. Warm hands encircled my waist and I was hoisted up, away from Holly and Jared. "Hold it back," Alexander whispered under his breath and I elbowed his stomach, pushing him back.

"Fuck off or else I'll kill you," I growled menacingly for such an empty threat that Alexander certainly saw through since he just smiled crookedly. Without much thought I shoved Holly back and lifted Jared up with his arm across my shoulders, glaring profusely at Holly whose eyes brimmed with tears as she gazed up at me from the cold floor.

"Unless you forgot, this is my house; that's my fucked up fiancé and I don't know what gives you the right to shove me out of the way and help my friend here when I was doing just that!" I roared and for once in my life I truly realized rage. Sure, the rage between Alexander and I were possibly equivalent to the heat that World War 2 or the Hiroshima bombings emanated, but honestly? I was never truly this enraged at someone. Especially a fucking stranger! Alexander had been apart of my life, most of my life and this girl comes in, totally wrecking havoc to an already doomed relationship, only to throw my assistance back in my face, accentuating the extent of ungratefulness for it all! Holly is a mentally fucked up house wrecking bitch!

"Please...I know how all of this may seem, and I may be the biggest bitch in the world to you—"

"—actually, Alexander is, but go on..." I just had to interrupt.

"Well...I wholly agree with everything you just said—not about Alexander—but um, anyway, the thing is....there's something I need to tell you, in order for you to understand, and for me to make up for the...chaos," she exasperated as if informing me of that was going to make everything better.

"Well then, let's here it," I nodded at her as she sideways glanced at Alexander who visibly gulped, but his eyes never caught mine.

Her eyes turned to Jared and she started:

"You see, Jared, we know each other. Well, I know you, and you've known me... Six years ago, we were in seventh grade; you were fourteen but I was fifteen and repeated that year. You and me we really didn't get along at first but we were friends. We were friends for the sole reason that you saw through me. You asked me what was wrong, you wanted me to confide in you...and I did. And I don't regret it. I've told you countless secrets, but not most. I told you the deepest and darkest secret I harbour and you know what you did? You hugged me and told me you were there for me, always.

"You remember, don't you? Please...my deepest darkest secret..." she sobbed and covered her mouth, trying to blink back tears. By now Alexander had made his way—more like shuffled like a retard—to get next to me. Due to the tense environment I dared not do anything to upset the depressed Holly more.

"She was worse like this when she told me..." he whispered softly in my ear and I flinched at his close proximity. The next moment seriously scared me so much so that I wanted to crawl into the darkest corner of this house and die. I thought she was blurting out nonsense just to get Jared thinking but I found that this was real talk... the words coming out of her mouth had been literal. No one should ever have to experience what she went through....

"Through the middle of eighth grade, I told you, I was walking one night and I got caught... I got caught and the man he wouldn't stop. He wouldn't stop until he took it away from me... my virginity! I screamed, I screamed so much, your name, for help, for someone to come, but no one.... you didn't come. I didn't know you that well but I was crying out for you! For anyone! He...h-he raped me! That sick man raped me but in the end you were the only one who fucking still cared for me! Even after the abortion... you were there. Not even my fucking family were.....they...they disowned me for something terrible that wasn't even my fault! I thought my life was over, I was already giving up...but you were there, and you even stopped me those times from committing suicide!

"I couldn't comprehend your concern for me, or your willingness to spend time with someone as fucked up as I was. But, still, you became my best friend and I started to love you. I didn't think I'd know the feeling without you. You loved me too...that's why three weeks before graduation...you wanted to be with me. And we were together! You got me pregnant but this time round I actually felt that it was right! That you wanted me and this child of yours growing inside of me.... so why? Why did you have to fucking leave me!?

"You know, Jared, at first I thought you were running away from me... I thought all your affection and love to me was all a big fucking lie. I thought you had led me on and when my pregnancy was the result, you had to get away from me...a mistake!" Holly cried, hardly looking at anyone or anything but the floor as her insistent tears blinded her temporarily. Jared's tongue was caught by a cat as he could say nothing but listen to Holly's sobs; her grave story and apart of his life he could not grasp because of the amnesia.

"Then I learn you've left and how you've moved Australia after the accident... Oh, Jared, you don't remember do you?! I love you!" Holly cried harder, but this time Jared wrapped his arms tightly around Holly's petite and shaking frame.

Okay, not to be more of a freaking bitch than I've figured I already am; but to drown Jared in such a way, overwhelming him even further with lost information about his life, was kind of slack wasn't it? I mean, he was having a migraine wasn't he?

"All you've said..." his hoarse voice was muffled in her hair as he spoke. "I feel like I know it. I believe you...but I still can't remember you. I'm so sorry....Holly."

"And the truth's out..." Alexander blew out shakily and softly so the two on the floor could only desperately try to connect back their broken hearts by simply embracing.

"Audrina...I...we...she...I didn't kiss her; it was just bad timing that you came in when you did. Please forgive—"

"Alexander...I—I just...I need to think about this for a while. I'm sorry, Holly. Do what you want," I choked out and scurried out of the room, away from the intense tension that filled the air behind me and continued to follow as I stepped up the stairs that seemed to spiral endlessly...my vision hazy as I realized tears slid down my cheeks in a desperate attempt to take it all in.

God, that makes me the biggest bitch in the world....

Remember when I said Holly was a mentally fucked up house wrecking bitch? I completely misjudged her and her life and all she's gone through. I...I take it all back!