A Recipe For Disaster

Where was Felix throughout all this, you may wonder? I wonder too....

♠ Felix ♠

"Ahh..oh...oh my god that feels so good!" I shuddered and tried to keep my breathing steady as Jesse's hands worked their magic.

"You're so tense...just relax, let me handle it all, " he whispered in my ear.

"Oh Jesse....ahh you're so good at this! Harder! Oh that's the spot...!!" I pressed my face down on the pillow to muffle my groans as Jesse went at it harder.

~~~

"Thanks for that," I sighed with pleasure, stretching my back to see if I felt any more pain.

"No worries, anytime," he replied and we chuckled nervously.

"Where did you learn to do back massages so good? My back pain feels like it was never there!" I exclaimed with praise. For all you dirty minded who thought we were getting our freak on...well...actually I wish we were; I wouldn't have minded that at all.

"Oh, well, I guess I'm as natural as they come. My mother and my grandmother—her mother; they where both masseuses. It's in my blood I guess," he chuckled and I found it very sexy.

"Hey, listen, we're having this party this Saturday and I was hoping you'd come? I've invited about most of my friends and half the people of their friends who live around the area and I'd really like you to come," I confidently invited him but he shook his head with a sort of depressed sigh.

"Felix, you're a cool guy and you're really good-looking...but I just broke up with my boyfriend of six months so...I...I'm not ready..." he trailed off and looked in my eyes. "I really like you, but I don't think I should act on my feelings in case I feel this way because...I'm lonely and need closure..."

Oh...so he is definitely gay and he had a boyfriend for six months?

"Oh... I understand. N-no problem. I...I guess I'll see you around. And thanks for the massage..."

I could feel it, almost see it in his eyes. Despite what he previously just said...he wanted it so badly. Closure... For me to fill in the emptiness....

"Felix..." he whispered my name with such pain before my lips connected with his. I couldn't resist my body's wants as I all but refrained from sliding my hands way down and grabbing his...

♠ Jared ♠

I looked down at the trembling girl, Holly, who I vaguely remembered but could not comprehend any real memories.

"I loved you?" I asked her and she nodded into my chest.

But...what? I got this girl pregnant?!

Pushing her away gently I shook my headache away and hoisted both of us off the cold floor.

"I...I'm sorry I have to go now."

♠ Holly ♠

I didn't mean to be a nuisance. I didn't mean for anyone to fight... I didn't mean to be such trouble. Jared asked if 'he loved me', and although I knew he couldn't exactly remember, it still broke my heart to think the father of our...child didn't know the extent of his love for me.

As I watched his back, retreating out the door, away from me, I kept dying more and more inside.

Jared had once told me that he'd never forget me as long as he lives; that he'd love me with without question, without doubt. I still believe him to this day.

♠ Alexander ♠

Meanwhile completely escaping all this fucking drama, Felix was out preparing for a party that might as well become the center of drama too. All the bloody time; Audrina is always going to be angry and fucking thunder-faced. She hates me to the point of eluding my apologies and explanations.

"Holly... How about you get some rest. I'll sort out Audrina, but right now, everyone's pretty much overwhelmed, especially you I bet, so please go rest," I sighed and she nodded shakily as she went to her guest room, sobbing all the way; her sobs echoing off the wall and coming back to me as if to wave my mistakes and all the guilt in my face.

This is all your fault, Alexander Vaun.

Shut the fuck up you worthless conscience.

She hates you.

I know we're not on good terms, but fuck, could she hate me more than she did before?

....yes.

♠ Holly ♠

I know Alexander said to rest but I just couldn't let Jared escape me so quickly. I needed the truth from him, as I needed him to know it from as well.

That's why, when I stealthy ran away to Jared's house, not intending return to Alexander and Audrina's mansion, I was doing it for the sake of resolving everything.

~~~

"Jared! It's me! Please, open up! I—"

"Holly," a tired, soft voice spoke as the door opened.

"Mrs. Grayson! I'm sorry, your son and I, we need to talk," I panted with pleading eyes. Her eyes softened and she moved out of the way gesturing in.

"I regret to say, Jared is currently resting, but please, come in. His father and I must speak with you too."

"As you may have known, Jared has amnesia. He only awoke September last year, but since then, little memory has come back of his teenage life. I'm afraid we're trying to keep him safe and trying to bring back his memory, but so far it's not been good and persistent headaches keep erupting. You have to understand, dear, our decision to move to Australia didn't come immediately. Truth was, for two and a half years, he was in a coma in an England hospital near where we lived in his childhood. We left because we didn't want anyone talking. Jared was never one for pity and sympathy. As you know, his father and I, at the time, had no idea what had gone on between you two before we moved back to England. We've never been close, dear. Jared was always secretive about you because he didn't want us delving into his life. You know teenage boys," she chuckled lightly but I just nodded.

I knew his parents and I were never close even when we were dating, but we had some minor encounters—awkward encounters—and that meant they hardly knew where our relationship extended to.

"But I feel you need to understand, what had previously happened was a complete accident, and we're truly sorry for not contacting you but my wife and I felt it better to keep Jared away, with us, until he woke," Mr. Grayson apologized.

"Mr. Grayson, Mrs. Grayson... I've haven't told anyone, but...it was my fault that Jared got in that accident," tears trailed my cheeks and Mrs. Grayson embraced me.

"How can you blame what was just bad timing? That car who ran that red that—"

"No you don't understand. Jared would've never been on that road if I didn't call him over to tell him...to tell him..." My words stuck in my throat and I was suddenly having a hard time breathing.

"What did you tell Jared that night, Holly?" Mr. Grayson's firm voice spoke.

"Before graduation...just a day before after three weeks, I found out that I was pregnant with Jared's child. I...called him over to tell him and he...he wasn't ready. We were just out of college and he wasn't ready so he quickly left my house and..." I cried in Mrs. Grayson's embrace as they both sat tense with the news that made things make sense.

"Sweetie... I'm still sure it couldn't have been your fault. We don't blame you either. But...what happened to the baby, Holly?" Mrs. Grayson slowly questioned.

"S-so I was three weeks pregnant and after I found out you left the state, I didn't know what happened, I lost complete control over myself...and the baby...the baby...."

"Did you have a miscarriage?" A rough voice sounded from the kitchen door frame. My heart felt constricted in my throat as I tried to respond, but neither my body could face him. Jared, I....

"Did you lose the baby?" He asked again, I noticed with that tight, croaky voice indicating much shed tears.

Jared is just so young, only nineteen. If I tell him the truth now...

Slowly my red, puffy eyes gazed upon his figure. He was a mess. A beautiful mess. A beautiful man who should not be crying but was...and had been... all because of me.

"No," I choked out. He needed to know the truth. "No...I didn't."

If someone previously asked me this question, I would've told them yes, I did have a miscarriage; yes, I lost the baby. But this was Jared; the love of my life. The father of our child. There should be no more lies or resistance between us.

"Holly, what happened to the baby?" He spoke slowly and warily; Mrs. Grayson's arms unwound around me as Jared came close and dropped on his knees in front of me. His eyes, similar to the state of mine, pleaded for the truth.

"...Our child is with my grandma. He's three years old... I named him Chance."

And the truth slowly set us free.

♠ Audrina ♠

I only turned on the lamp light on the side table, wanting nothing then more than peace and quiet in the dark. As soon as I heard the door to what should be rightfully, exclusively my master bedroom; I rinsed the foamy toothpaste from my mouth, spitting it at the sink's drain as if Alexander's face was actually in place.

Wiping my mouth aggressively, I walked out the bathroom meeting a nervous Alexander and his guilty hand reached for the bed covers.

"Sup, shitface?" I spat and made my way to the bed.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping, oh I don't know? Not here?!" I snarled and I visibly saw him cringe.

"Audrina, please, I think we've had enough drama and you're making it—"

Slap.

Yes, that's the sound my open palm against Alexander's right cheek made.

Gasp!

And, that's the sound Alexander emitted and he stumbled back a bit from that; holding his face in shock as the redness started coming through.

"Fucking bitch!" He growled and his wild eyes turned back to me.

Taking the hard pillow I didn't stop, but dropped and rolled, smacking Alexander nose as I beat him with the pillow. Trust me kids, a hard pillow is hard; do not underestimate the power of hard pillows. The reason we have a hard pillow is beyond me, but it's useful! (Hard pillow...hehehe).

I continued to wrestle Alexander for the pillow, and somehow, I realized, we've definitely had this moment before. But it didn't end the way I thought it did before (which would've been me groping Alexander by accident); this ended way worse.

As I rolled back on the bed, dodging Alexander's possible head butt, Alexander pounced, straddling and holding down my legs as he grabbed the pillow and flung it across the room. My feet barely felt the headboard as my head was half off the end of the bed.

"Fuck you, Alexander!" I spat and he laughed like a lunatic on loony drugs. Of course the drugs would do nothing but make him more loony than a lunatic like him already was.

"As they say, if I had a penny for every time I heard that, babe, you'd make me filthy rich," he laughed, and not in an amused sort of way. More like an I'm-a-crazy-lunatic laugh. Lunatic, see?

I tried to punch, slap and scratch (nails are a girl's best weapon sometimes). Alexander saw my motives as my hands turned into potential claws. I got his cheek just before he pinned my struggling arms down.

"Bitch, that fucking hurt," Alexander snarled on top of me, this time pinning my arms above me, making my shirt clearly expose my lower stomach as it rode up.

"Oh yeah? Good, then I hope it leaves fucking mark!" I seethed and struggled underneath his body.

"A mark, eh? Well then I hope this leaves a mark too!"

Just then Alexander went down on me.

He grabbed the hem of my shirt and lifted it up, bringing his lips down on the skin under my belly button. His lips were cold and I gasped out, trying to knee him in the ball, but his weight made sure to keep me pinned. As for my hands, he made sure he pinned them to my sides as he sucked and bit the skin.

"Ahh..no, Alexander! Fucking stop it!" I squealed and gasped as he drew blood, biting into the top layer of my flesh. I admit, it felt sort of funny and I was uncomfortable but his tongue on my skin was...heavenly ABSOLUTELY REPLUSIVE!

"Shut up," he hissed lowly and darkly as he came up, with little amount of my blood to the side of his lips. Alexander pinned my arms next to my head, and he leaned back down to suck the skin just above my breasts, where my singlet covered.

But two hickeys weren't enough for the animal Alexander turned in to. He lifted my singlet again, this time over my breasts as he sucked the skin in between. His hands groped and touched and all I could was think RAPE! I couldn't stop my short, breathy sobs and my eyes were already brimming with tears as he again, broke skin and sucked. The bruise from before was still darkly shaded and obvious to him now, but now I felt as if it was that same pain all over again that he was inflicting.

My heart was in a beating frenzy as he ceased to stop, but I found the strength to pull his hair back roughly, his tongue swiping the last of the blood before he stopped and really looked.

Tears sprung from my eyes as Alexander's guilty ones gazed and saw me, vulnerable, weak; pathetic.

They were angry tears and I soon as he unpinned my arms I shoved him back quickly, his head hitting the headboard and then...

Crack.

Alexander's eyes were wide as I withdrew my bloody hand away and flopped on my bum in front of him; the tears pouring as the pain throbbed in my knuckles, shooting through my hand. I guess I broke my hand...

"You fucking dented the headboard!!" Alexander stated incredulously, completely disregarding the fact that my punch was directly next to his face.

"Fuck, it hurts," I sobbed, stating the obvious and Alexander immediately took action; pulling shirt all the way down and carried me to the bathroom, pressing himself behind me as he guided my hand underneath the lukewarm water.

"Shit...it's sprained," he mumbled as he reached for the first aid in the cabinet and wrapped my hand after wiping away the blood.

"Um, the marks," he said suddenly and I could feel the blood from his first hickey trailing down.

"I'll do it," I sobbed hoarsely and he nodded slightly than slowly retreated out the bathroom door, only to peep his head to look back in; his eyes filled with concern and anxiety as if I might commit suicide as soon as he looked away.

Quickly wiping and sticking band aids over the marks—which were pretty ugly and purple—I looked at my pathetic self and actually slapped myself.

"Don't be such a fucking wuss, Audrina," I growled at myself in the mirror. Breathing in the courage to walk out like that just didn't happen. Too bad it did.

I saw Alexander sitting up, his head turning to look at me as I approached the bed.

We exchanged no words and I didn't really look at him as I climbed in and lay myself down on the far side of the bed that enabled big, empty, cold space between us.

I heard Alexander sigh as he, too, lay down and switched off the lamp light.

"I am so sorry...Audrina..." he apologized guiltily, in a husky voice. My name coming from his mouth made my heart pound heavily and hurtfully as silence slipped between us.

Aren't you always? And you never mean it...

"I really fucking hate you..." I eventually replied as I closed my eyes and clutched my aching hand.

"I know..." he whispered into the night; sleep clouding over us.

I couldn't help but think... my blood was still on his tongue. Ugh. Gross. That vulgar motherfucker.

♠ Felix ♠

"We shouldn't have done this..." Jesse sobbed in my arms, naked in the dim dark.

"What's so wrong with this? Didn't you like it? Don't you like me?" I asked, crestfallen. After what we'd done, he goes and says that?

"I told you... It's not that I didn't like it; it was amazing and so are you... but I don't think I'm ready to be with anyone romantically, yet. I'm sorry. I don't think I can come on Saturday, sorry," he apologized with a hiccup. I wanted to not be angry but...I was.

I sighed heavily and let Jesse slip out of my arms. Hastily putting all my clothes back on in angry silence, I turned and looked back at Jesse who covered himself in the covers and hoarsely stated, "Goodbye, Jesse."

Maybe I should stick to babying Alexander and Audrina. They're less trouble than my relationships...