Because He Loved Me.

I clutched the blue fuzzy fabric and pulled it over my head, shielding me from the outside. Bending over, I stuck my head between my knees and let the blood rush to my head. I took in a deep breath, trying to even my breathing. My heart was pounding against my chest like a drill. A whimper escaped my trembling lips as my body shook. The damp denim of my jeans rubbed against my legs and made me feel even more uncomfortable. The wooden bench creaked as I moved back a bit. A moan escaped my lips as I felt some dizziness melt away.
Everything seemed to mush together. Colors started to blend and lines blurred. The only thing I could hear was my heart beating loudly in my ears. My mouth ran dry and my throat started itching. I tried speaking but a squeak came out.
“Miss,” A husky voice brought me out of my state. I didn’t lift my head up though. “M-miss?” He called again. Not wanting to have him say ‘miss’ again, I lifted up my head with an eyebrow raised. By the cold expression on my face, I could tell this man knew not to push me.
“I’m sorry,” He sat down, making the wooden bench creak a bit.
“Why are you sorry?” I whispered back coldly, “I highly you were the one responsible for this,” I spat out.
“I am sorry for you loss,” The police man explained, running a hand down his face.
“Nah,” I said barely audible, “You have pity towards me.”
The blond police man took off his hat and frowned showing some wrinkles. Letting out a breath, he tried to say something again.
“I know what it’s like to loose some one close to you,” My head whipped towards him, begging for him to continue. “My older brother died as well…he was nineteen and I was ten. I promise you things get better…” He shook his head, cracking a smile. His expression changed a bit as he looked me dead in the eye, “But the emptiness never goes away,”
I bit my lower lip and looked forward. I don’t want to feel hallow, but my stomach feels like nothing is in it. My heart feels like it has been punched into a crimpled piece of paper. My arms that once wrapped around my brother were like jello – squishy and non moving unless poked. The police man rested his hand on my shoulder and gently squeezed. I released a breath and glanced up at him.
“What’s your name anyways?” I asked quietly.
“Officer Matthews,” Officers Matthews held out his hand. I slipped my small hand into his rough one and shook it gently.
“I’m Isabella,”
“I know…” Officer Matthews laughed.
“But it never hurts to be polite,” I bite back with a tiny sigh.
A loud bang erupted from my kitchen with screams and cries. My mother screamed again and began to shout in Italian. My father and the other police man were trying to calm her down. Another crash came and I noticed the officer jump out of my front door with a pained expression on his face.
“My bambino!” My mother shrilled, you could practically hear the tears in her voice. My jaw locked and I shot up immediately. Officer Matthews took my hand and stood up as well. I looked down at our hands then into his blue/green eyes.
“If you need anybody to listen…I’m here. Call me anytime,” The look in his eyes was so intense, it left me speechless. As he walked away with his partner, I felt the paper make a ball in my hand as the police car vanished into the distance.
My father walked outside, with an emotionless expression. His once happy, wise grey eyes now red and puffy, “Bella, come inside now,” He said with a strained voice.
Not wanting to make him stress out even more, I dragged my feet and stumbled inside. My mother was on the couch, sobbing heavily. Her dark black hair was pointed in every direction and her blue eyes were swollen and red. My mother’s rosy cheeks were tear streaked as well as her shirt.
“Bella,” She cried out and hugged me. “Thank God you are okay; I couldn’t take loosing you both,”
“Ma,” I breathed out, holding back my tears. My tiny arms wrapped around her upper body. We stayed on the couch for a while (more like hours). I didn’t cry but my mother soaked my shirt. I felt like I should cry, but that wouldn’t help. I need to be as strong as a brick wall.
This pain, it hurt. It’s not normal. It’s not normal to feel ripped apart from the inside out. Fire burned through my chest as I tried controlling my breathing. I need to be strong. I need to be for my ma and my father. I will not cry. I cannot cry.
I felt darkness consume me and I fell into a sleep. My dreams were nightmares of the events of the day. One minute Mateo was here and the next he was gone. He was in front of me but when I went to touch his cheek, his body blew away like a wisp of smoke. My body shook violently and I jolted up. A cold sweat covered my body as I wiggled out of my mother’s death grip.
“Mateo…” My mother whispered as she fell asleep next to me. Mateo. The name hurts to hear and say. A knock at the door made me rise from my couch. Squinting my eyes, I opened the oak door.
Heather was scowling at me. Her blonde hair was messed up and her make up was smeared. Aw, she was crying – good.
Heather was the bimbo my brother was dating. The only thing real about her was her bitchy tone. She has had countless surgeries to “enhance” her features (nose job, butt job, boob job, etc). Her natural red hair is dyed platinum blond and her tan is spray on. She gets her hair done professionally every day and has her slaves…oops I mean friends do everything for her. Heather is definitely my worst enemy.
“You fucking bitch!” She shrilled and lunged at me, making my back hit the floor hard. I hissed in pain when the cold floor hit my bruise on my lower back. Her French manicured nails scratched at my face and body. I let out a scream when she took my thick brown hair and proceeded to bang my head into the tile.
“Heather!” My father’s thunderous voiced boomed. Heather stopped immediately and froze. He scooped her skinny ass off me and held her to his chest. I sniffed and sat up against my wall. “I may have taken your childish tactics when you dated my son… but you have to come over here and insult me in my own home?!”
She frowned and gulped afraid of my father. I bit my lip and felt the irony taste in my mouth. Heather lost it. She completely lost it. I don’t even think she loved my brother; she was just with him because of his looks. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and winced a bit.
After my father kicked her out, he looked down at me plainly disgusted. My eyes looked down at the blood spots on the wooden floor as he sighed. I heard his foot steps enter the living room. As he picked up my mother, he grunted and carried her up the stairs.
I wrapped my arms around my legs and pulled them to my chest. Resting my cheek on my knees, I rocked back and forth. I heard a vibration and saw my cell phone rattle on the table near me. I didn’t have to look at it to answer it, I knew who it was.
My body felt dirty. I was covered in his blood- my own brother’s blood. My stomach jerked.
Walking up the stairs, I changed out of my blood stained jeans and ripped shirt then took a shower. The water washed over me, making me relax yet tense again. My muscles were so tense, it hurt. I whimpered as I got out and moved into my bedroom.
Looking through the drawers, I found Mateo’s favorite shirt. My eyes glistened as I hugged it close to me, taking in his scent. Letting out a shaky breath, I slipped it over my head and felt the tears almost leak over my eyes. I quickly wiped my eyes and got into my jeans. When I was putting on my shoes, a gold bracelet glistened on my dresser. It was the ‘I love you’ bracelet Mateo got me for Christmas when I was twelve. With out any hesitation, I clipped it around my wrist.
Grabbing my cell phone, I texted the only person I could.

‘Meet me @ the park in 10’

You got it.