You're All I Need

I woke up in the middle of the night because someone was kicking me and yelling my name. I propped myself up on one elbow and looked down at Imogene.

"Vince!"

"Yeah, Imogene?" I smoothed her hair and kissed her on the cheek.

"Asshole! I'm Nikki!" He got up and slapped me across the face angrily. "Am I really that womanly-looking? Did you really mistake me for Imogene? Why did you kiss me on the cheek? What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you so fat? Ya think you've eaten enough today? Why don't you get off of me? Fuck!" He squirmed underneath me.

"Sorry." I shrugged, rubbing my cheek.

"You should be, fatass!"

"Why don't you shut the fuck up and try to get to sleep?" I rolled off of him and shut my eyes; he shut his mouth. But two hours later, I woke up again, starving. Mick and Rose had hogged up all the popcorn, so no one else really got any. I crept out of bed, careful not to wake anyone up. Surely no one would mind if I grabbed a midnight snack. I tiptoed down the stairs into the kitchen and opened the fridge. After scanning the shelves, I decided leftover chicken would be alright. I popped the lid off of the Tupperware and helped myself to its cold, clammy contents. Then I heard someone behind me. This just had to happen whenever I was eating, didn't it? I turned around only to see Imogene's stuck-up brother.

"You're up early." He inspected me closely.

"Yes, I'm hungry. Well, I'm going upstairs again, not to say this is awkward, but..."

"Hold on, I want to talk to you about something. I saw you and Imogene tonight."

"So you did." My attempt at sounding badass failed miserably.

"And I didn't like what I saw."

"Alright."

"Listen, I don't want to sound rude, but you're the main reason Imogene's not coming back with you guys."

"You mean me in general? What did I do?"

"Every time I talk to her on the phone, you interrupt us with one of your stupid antics." What the fuck was an antic? How did Imogene survive with these people for so long? Maybe antic is another word for 'something-you-do-in-the-closet-when-your-parents-aren't-home.'

"Well, perhaps I could fix these antics, I mean, how hard could it be?"

He bit his lip, unsure of what to say. I was winning yet another argument. "Give me one reason why we should let her stay with you guys."

"She came back in one piece, didn't she? She wants to come back, doesn't she? We've taken good care of her. Aside from the fact that we normally couldn't feed her that much, we gave her a place to live and loved her. I bet you my dick-germ free microphone we love her just as much as you do. Over the past few months, she's become the Crue baby. We practically raised her. Without that kid, we would probably kill each other or maybe even ourselves." It had started to sound like I was begging for a puppy, but Ralph seemed like a sucker for a good sob-story.

"I'm still not convinced." He said.

"Have you looked at her fingers lately?"

"What did you do?!" His eyes widened.

"I got her a mother-fucking diamond ring for Christmas."

"How did you afford it?"

"I stole it." I leaned up against the counter. If that didn't get him, I didn't know what would.

"Why would you risk stealing something expensive instead of buying her something cheaper?"

"Because I'm in love with her." Damn! That didn't come out right.

"In love...?!"

"Dude, just let her stay with us. We'd never let her out of our sight!" I begged.

He thought for a moment. "Okay, she can stay."

"What?" My head snapped up.

"She can stay. But if I hear about one negative thing, she's coming home."

"Yesss!"

"Your little speech wasn't the only thing that convinced me though-- Mick and Tommy did something for us, too."

"Huh?"

"They were well behaved." He laughed.

"Awesome." I sighed of relief. "Well, I'm going to bed." We shook hands and I started up the stairs. "OH. And forget everything I just said."

"Then she wouldn't be staying."

"Oh yeah... I mean-- forget that one thing."

"What thing?"

"We're good." I smiled and walked into the bedroom. Everyone was still dead-asleep, but I could hear some noise from the closet. Dammit, Mick.