You're All I Need

I sat in the living room with my parents, pretending that I would miss them. On the inside, I could not wait to get out of that place. Sure, they were more tolerable of the boys, but they were still obsessive-compulsive perfectionists.

"So," I sighed, tossing my head back.

"Yeah." Ralph looked at the carpet, then at me.

"We're gonna miss you." I said, though I wasn't sure if I meant it. My parents smiled at me and patted my shoulders.

"And we'll miss you, too, dear." My mother looked down at me.

I got up and hugged them, wishing the guys would hurry up with that god-damn bus. We talked for a few more minutes when I heard the roar of an engine outside.

"Guess it's time for me to go." I shrugged.

They walked me outside, dragging their feet to make me stay longer. I sped up, trying to get them to follow. Nikki was at the door.

"Imogene, could you get your mom to make us some sandwiches? We don't have anymore food cause SOMEBODY..." He turned and yelled at the bus. "Had to throw the fucking cooler out the window!"

"Sorry, dude-- I'm excited!" Tommy stuck his head out the window.

"I don't care how excited you are! Fatass is practically dying now!"

"I am not a fatass! And I am hungry! But not for food!"

"What?"

"I haven't fucked in five whole days!"

I felt the urge to run up and slap him.

"You better not let Imogene on the bus... Vince is staring at her rack with cruel intentions!" Tommy shoved Vince out of the way. My parents went white and I could see they were rethinking everything.

"So, you gonna make us a god-damn sandwich, woman?" Nikki leaned against the door frame and looked at my mom.

"I'll make some. Say that again without bad language." I said through clenched teeth.

He sighed. "Could you please make us some sandwiches for the road, Imogene dearest?"

"Of course." We walked inside and the others jumped out of the bus to follow us. I went into the kitchen and began making their food while listening to their conversations.

"Dude! Look at this vase!" Nikki threw a white marble spittoon at Vince. "Tell me what it looks like!" He chuckled, pointing at it.

Vince flicked it. "It looks like Tommy's dick!"

"Exactly!" Nikki clapped and tore it from Vince's hands. Tommy sat next to them, turning red from embarrassment.

"Guys. You want Imogene to stay with us, don't you?" He looked up at them.

Mick patted him on the back and continued thinking deeply about something. I continued spreading peanut butter on the slices of bread when Vince decided to be a complete asshole. He started talking about how hot my mom was when she was sitting right across from him. I set down the knife and walked over to him.

"Vince. Behave or I'll beat you with a wet spaghetti noodle."

"Is it your mother's spaghetti noodle?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Why don't you help me make some sandwiches?" I was trying so hard not to beat the living shit out of him.

"Why don't you help me make some babies?"

Nikki's mouth hit the floor and he let out the stupidest laugh I had ever heard. "Shut up." I snapped. He did. Vince was still wearing his accomplished look, so I slapped it off.

"You bitch!" He gasped and pounced on me angrily. I bit his shoulder as hard as I could. We were shouting every obscenity ever created. My parents sat there, unsure what to do. Nikki was standing over us yelling, "FIGHT!" And Tommy was trying to break us apart. He stopped when Vince scratched his favorite finger though. We continued to kick and scratch and bite and scream.

Then Vince stopped and started laughing. I glared at him, wondering what his problem was. I began to laugh too, and in a matter of seconds we were rolling. We got up and sat on the couch, clinging to each other for dear life. Once we calmed down, we remained silent for a few minutes.

Mick spoke up. "That was pretty bipolar..." He looked at the ground and we all nodded slowly.

"Yes it was. Sorry I punched you. And kicked you. And slapped you. And called you a fucktard. And pulled your hair. And bit you." I looked up at Vince and smiled. He took off his shirt and examined the bite-mark.

"Lick it better?"

I rolled my eyes and glanced over at Tommy. He was staring at his finger.

"I'm gonna die." He said over dramatically.

"No you won't."

"Kiss it better?" He copied Vince's tactic. I kissed his middle finger (how ironic) and watched Vince have an internal bitch-fit. We all got up and vacated to the kitchen to eat our sandwiches.

Once we were done, we had to say our goodbyes (FINALLY). My dad shook all of their hands. Vince, being the perverted freak he is, kissed my mother on the cheek. We walked outside then charged onto the bus, screaming and whooping and dancing like retards. The bus started up and we poked our heads out the windows, yelling at anyone we passed on the street. I could already tell this would be and awesome 3 months. We all sat at the table and began pounding bottles of vodka and whiskey.

FOUR HOURS LATER

"Ya know what? Drag queens are like r-Rubik's cubesss." Vince tossed his head back.

"I-In what wayyyy?" Tommy asked.

"They're colorfulll, but I don't wanna do ittt." Vince placed his arm around me. "See, I w-would do I-Imogene... she's pretty plaaaaain. But that's what makesss her a sexy beassst."

I was just nodding and saying "yeah." I wasn't paying attention to anything coming out of their mouths. I just wanted another beer.

"Nahhhh, I'm just kiddin. You- you aren't plaaaain. I looove you. L-let's get married." Vince tapped my nose and cuddled me against his chest.

"Nooo." I bit his lip.

"We're going to bed." Mick and Rose got up; they had enough of us for one day. I passed out just a few seconds later in Vince's lap. The last thing I heard was Vince saying:

"And she's downnn! A-all she needs to do is open h-her mooooouth!"