The Nephilim Files

I felt the tears but ignored them. Even then I wouldn't aknowlege that i cried over my mom. Not even at her funeral. as the preacher preached and as the choir sang i felt oddly distant, like i was in third-person. Knowing everything but showing none of my own feelings. I remember laughing at myself for seeing life as mom had, like a big amazing story waiting to be written. Me and mom were so different she was flighty and light-hearted but always knew when to be strong and couragous, whereas i was headstrong and couldn't be taught and even under all of my hard exterior was a little girl with a million questions and the lurking memories of my dads murder always close to my subconcious brain. But now the funeral had ended and i stood there, a mere statue, not even breathing because i knew what came next. Their eyes lingered on my body, i felt this as i bowed my tear-stained head and asked my mother exactly what it was i was suppost to do. After all, i reasoned, you had always been the one who had decided these things. You decided to wait untill i was ten to tell me about who i really was, and you were the one who decided on the school in California your home state. I sighed the only thing mom hadnt told me was that it would be my choice in the end weather or not to stay living in the human world or move beyond it into my fathers legacy. No she never told me she knew she was dying either. I only found out about the cancer after five months of non-stop sickness. The lies she told me were much too outragous for a thirteen year old to believe. But i did because after all, as she had always said, in the end we only had eachother.
___"Jalice, have you decided?" My aunts concerned tone almost tricked me into thinking that she actually wanted me to chose family, a family that hates me. Well at very least resents me for my differences. Sitting there I thought of one instance when this happened
__"Jaaaaaaaaay has lice! Jaaaaaay has lice!" the dozens of children shouted loudly. Although the overwhelming manor was over a hundred yards away my five year old self still heard the chanting. She still felt the pain. Her notepad on her lap held a portrait that wasn't even close to as magnificant as the actual scene surrounding her. Her pencil lead broke when she saw she had included the curious calico cat that sat staring at her with eyes that seemed all knowing. she thought how human those brown dinner plate eyes were and a small boy stood in its place when she blinked.
__"Hiay!" the child announced loudly his blue-jean overalls looked two sizes too big and were greatly faded showing signs of hand-me-downs. "whats your name?" he asked happily and I smiled the gap between my teeth showing in the ponds still surface.
__"Your not real," my small voice spoke certainly, like i knew it all.
__"No. Im as real as you are, friend," I looked into those brown eyes and strong chin he seemed real, even his southern accent screamed authenticy.
__"Mom says i make you up because i get lonley because im different."
__"Have you thought that maybe you have all kinds of friends, but the humans wont see them because they chose to not believe in them?" He tilted his round freckled face as if inquiring farther.
__"I am human! I dont have to listen to you!" My short little legs hung hopelessly off the edge as he splashed me with the pond's lukewarm water.
__"If i was fake could i have gotton you wet?" He wasn't trying to get me to believe anymore, just to tease me. Suddenly a crinkle of leaves distracted me from answering and before i could act like i wasnt talking to an invisiable bully Paw plopped down beside me.
__"I figured i would find you out here. Is everything okay Rose?" He always called me Rose, my middle name, because i reminded him so much of grandma who died before i was born.
I glanced at where the boy had been standing and he was gone. "Talking to that annoying child again? Let me tell ya, hes a big bother around the cotton fields."
__Paw was rarley serious so i just ignored it "They always make fun of me Paw, it hurts my feelings."
__"I know Rose, but your just like me when i was your age and look at me now!" he stood slightly showing off his profile, striking poses. I giggled happily, Paw was the only one who always understood me.

Suddenly i was ripped back to reality brutially, i knew who i could turn to. Paw wasn't at the funeral but i had recived a letter from him the week before saying his door was always opened. "Aunt Margie, i want to visit Paw."
__The look on her face was twisted in a mixture of disapproment and confusion, "Alright get in the car." was all she said before she left to round up her endless screaming children, mom always said she had more so she could get more welfare money, but i bit my tounge and held back a giggle. Soon the car was packed and we had been driving through all the night, first thing in the morning, before the sun had come up, the arguing started
__"It's mine!"
__"No mine!"
__"Do not make me come back there!" Aunt Margie shouuted over the bickering children.
I just held my breath as the Georgia peach trees started becomming never-ending fields and i held back my excitment. "Almost there." she said with fiened happiness, Paw wouldn't even invite her in.
__"Be awake Paw, be awake!" I muttered under my breath as the plantation home streched out before me, making me feel straight out of Gone With the Wind.
__The car came to a complete stop and Aunt Margie nodded at me as i grabbed my bags and hopped out of the cramped mini-van. The tires squealed and they were gone, the red dust clouding around me, engulfing me. My feet were having trouble working as i got closer to the porch, Maria the lead maid took the heavier of my three bags, not like id need more Paw had alot of my stuff here already. "How are you dear?" she asked as if my randomly showing up was completly normal
__"Fine." I responded searching for Paw with my eyes.
__"He's out back in the rose garden." She said understanding, "Ill take these for you."
__"Thanks Maria!" I shouted as i bolted around the house dodging tables and servents, there my grandfather was by the yellow-and-red-blended roses. Peacfully working in the pre-dawn light a smudge of dark molt across his forhead. "Paw!" I shouted gliding twords him.
__"Oh, my Jalice Rose!" Was all he said as we stood there peacfully embracing. I looked at his face, only three inches higher than mine these days, and saw tears running down them and i knew instantly they were for mom. Thats when i realized tears were rolling down my cheeks too. And thats how we stood. Quietly crying as the sun rose behind the peach orchirds.