You Won't *** My Friends, but You'll *** My Brother

“Hey Mikey? Can I be left alone?” Gerard asked staring up at me. “Yeah, of course.” I replied while embracing him one last time. Poor kid, he’d get through it though. He always has, not all of his girlfriends have been princesses but this one if different. He thought he might have been a father, but he won’t, not yet, not with her as his kid’s mother. It’ll take time for him to get past this, but all wounds heal with time, eventually. I wonder how things would have been if that was his kid, if she was carrying Gerard’s child? Would he get sober? Would he stop doing drugs? Would he stay with her… yeah he would have, how could I ask that. He loved her, I did too. I need to get out

Why am I here, this terrible bar with a tourist-y tropical theme. God I think it’s called the Tiki Bar. Why, California, why? At least they don’t have Jimmy Buffet music blasting. But I’m here now and might as well get myself a drink right? I think I’ll just have a beer or two; there is a show tonight after all. “Hi” was that directed at me? “I’m Alicia. You look familiar.” That was for me. “Hey, I’m Mikey, I, uh, don’t think I recognize you. Should I?” It’s been so long since I’ve dated. “Aren’t you on tour… in that new band…” “My Chemical Romance?” I finish for her. “Yeah, them, aren’t you in MCR?” She knows me! Well sort of. “Yeah, I’m the bassist.” “Very cool, I play bass too.” “So are you from around here?” “Oh no, I’m on tour too, I’m avenged sevenfold’s techie.” You know she seems vaguely familiar now. Maybe I have seen her before. “So do you want a drink?” I ask her. She’s good looking. “I already have a beer.” “…Oh.” She laughed; I really like her laugh. “So you play bass too…”

I spent the next few hours speaking to her. Alicia Simmons. We talked about tour and how being a tech was and how I have stage fright and yet I’m in a semi-famous band. How’s she’s from the mid-west, and I’m from Jersey. We talked of her love for cats, and mine for unicorns. She giggled when I told her about my undying love for them; it was a very cute giggle. I think we could have talked all night and into morning but eventually I had to leave to go to the show and she needed to go help A-7-X, as she called them.

I cut it very close, when getting back. I almost missed sound check. “Mikey, where the hell where you?” Gerard yelled at me. Is he sober? “At a bar, are you sober?” “This isn’t about me. We were worried.” “Why.” “You could have been dead for all we have known. You left without saying anything, and have been gone for hours.” He sounds like mom. He also sounds pissed, but it’s different then his drunken rages. I’m happy for him. “I’m not dead.” “Well obviously.” Aw my brother cares for me. “What kept you so long?” “I was talking with someone.” “For, four hours?!...Oh. So, who is she?” Why does he automatically assume it was a she? “You sound gossip-y.” “Who is she?” “What are you a woman?” “Who is she?” “Alicia Simmons.” I gave in. Gerard can be relentless when he wants to know something. Has he been taking estrogen? I mean we’re about to go on stage in a few minutes and here he is chit-chatting like we’re teenage girls at a slumber party. “So, what is she like Michael?” Gerard asks as some tech yells that we have five minutes and counting. “So-“ “Gerard we only have five minutes, lay off it will you?” I’m happy he’s speaking to me, what with how he was been lately, though he has been getting better. But now is not the time to gossip. “If you’re just trying to avoid this conversation, I’ll just bring it up on stage.” “Because talking about personal things on stage have worked out so well for you.” Shit! I should not have said that. “I’m so sorry Gee!” “No. No, you’re right, but I’m doing this showing sober. So I won’t do anything stupid, I hope. I’m terrified to go like this, Mikey.” “Oh Gerard come here. It will be fine. You’re an amazing singer and front man.” “Thanks, Mikey.” “It’s time.” called some tech guy. Here we go.

The show went well. Gerard was great, though the crowd wasn’t the best. I hate when people aren’t into our shows, or really any show. Nothing turned out bad. I don’t think Gerard could have dealt with something going wrong. Throughout the show we give me nervous glances, so I’d give him encouraging smiles. I think that’s the most I’ve ever smiled during a show. I hope Gerard will keep doing shows sober, and stay sober.