Status: Finished
Its In The Past, Now Lets Try And Focus On The Future - Alex Gaskarth
Chapter 12
I had been sitting in my living room staring at the old CD player on my coffee table for several minutes. I wasn’t sure what to expect from listening to this, but I was scared.
I pressed play and sat and listened to every word that left Alex’s mesmerizing voice. I soon realized what Zach was talking about.
So many of these songs had to do with me, especially there older songs. But even there newest album, Nothing Personal, had to do with me. Tears were now pouring from my eyes.
I had made a lasting impression on this boy. He kept the memory of me alive in his music. Not all of the songs were happy and some were mean, but I deserved it. When the last song finished, I was crying hysterically.
It was just now hitting me full force, all the pain I had caused him. I hadn’t even realized it before, but he had loved me back then and I had literally crushed his heart. I hadn’t been this mad at myself since the day I realized I ruined my life and entered rehab.
I stormed to my bedroom and went to the closet; I began to throw clothes and shoes everywhere. By time I found what I was looking for the closet was almost empty. I pulled the old faded black t-shirt up and stood up. I unfolded it and looked at it. It was Alex’s old Blink-182 shirt, the first one he ever got. He had given it to me before tenth grade. I pulled off my JAGK shirt and pulled his shirt on. As I yanked off my slippers I wrapped my arms around myself and cried harder.
All the pain I had caused him, I was now feeling and it hurt really badly. I ran to the kitchen and began digging through my cabinets. I wasn’t thinking I was just acting on impulse; I wanted the pain to just go away.
I finally found it, way in the back of one of my cupboards, a bottle of vodka. It was covered in three years of dust and when I grabbed it and a glass and set it on the counter, there was hand marks on the bottle from where I had touched it. I carelessly whipped my hand on my shorts.
I sat on one of kitchen stools and stared at the bottle. I slowly reached my hand towards it but pulled it back. Alex’s voice was in my head and I couldn’t get it out.
“What happened to you? You use to be my best friend, I feel like I don’t even know you anymore.”
“I’m sorry!” I screamed, wanting the painful memories to go away. Soon my head was filled with all the song he wrote and I couldn’t get it to stop. I was shaking and sweating and trying to control myself.
“Willow,” A voice came from the right of me. I was so consumed in my own thoughts I must’ve not heard the door open.
There Alex stood, he looked worried. My eyes widened and I quickly swung my arm and knocked the glass and bottle to the floor. It shattered in to millions of pieces and I backed off the stool and through my back against the wall. Seeing him, made me realize the mistake I was about to make.
He walked over to me quickly and pulled me into his arms. I cried against his chest.
~x0x~
Rian and I had originally planned on just going to lunch, but before I knew it we had spent almost the entire day wandering around Florida. It was hot and sunny; and we were relived to not get stopped by many fans.
We walked back on to the bus laughing and Zach was sitting on the couch. He looked up at us made eye contact with me and quickly looked away. I shrugged it off and headed to my bunk. When I got there I pulled the curtain back and the picture of Willow and I. I actually jumped back in surprise.
What was the picture doing here?
“Have you talked to Willow today?” Zach’s voice startled me. I shook my head ‘no’. I looked back at the picture.
“You should go see her,” He started. I picked the picture up and turned my head to look at him.
“Did she see this picture?” I asked my voice cracking. He nodded his head slowly. I immediately stuffed the picture in my pocket and ran off my bus. I sprinted to Hey Monday’s bus. I ran up the stairs and the entire band jumped at my sudden entrance.
“Where’s Willow?” I demanded.
“She’s at her apartment,” Cassadee said, “Why?” I was trying to control my breathing. I ran my hands through my hair and started to pace.
“Where does she live?” I demanded again. Cassadee gave me a worried look.
“Alex,” Cassadee said, “What’s going on?” She said, standing in front of me.
“I need to see her Cass!” I yelled, “Give me her address!” Cassadee took a step back, surprised by my outburst. She quickly told me the address and I ran off the bus and found a cab.
Once I reached her apartment building I took the elevator to the eighth floor and ran down the hall until I found her apartment number. I contemplated whether or not to knock or just go in. I opted for the last choice and turned the door handle. It was really quiet and I started to get worried. I started to walk towards what I though was the kitchen.
There was Willow sitting at the table crying hysterically and shaking. There was a bottle of vodka sitting in front of her. I could see the amount of dust on it from here.
“Willow,” I said quietly.
She looked up startled by my sudden presences. She reacted quickly and flung her arm into the bottle and glass. They flew across the room and shattered on the floor. She flung herself against the wall and sank down and continued to cry.
I ran to her and pulled her into my arms and held her tightly. I had a feeling that something else happened to make her react like this. It wasn’t just the picture, but I was 100% sure I was involved.
I pressed play and sat and listened to every word that left Alex’s mesmerizing voice. I soon realized what Zach was talking about.
So many of these songs had to do with me, especially there older songs. But even there newest album, Nothing Personal, had to do with me. Tears were now pouring from my eyes.
I had made a lasting impression on this boy. He kept the memory of me alive in his music. Not all of the songs were happy and some were mean, but I deserved it. When the last song finished, I was crying hysterically.
It was just now hitting me full force, all the pain I had caused him. I hadn’t even realized it before, but he had loved me back then and I had literally crushed his heart. I hadn’t been this mad at myself since the day I realized I ruined my life and entered rehab.
I stormed to my bedroom and went to the closet; I began to throw clothes and shoes everywhere. By time I found what I was looking for the closet was almost empty. I pulled the old faded black t-shirt up and stood up. I unfolded it and looked at it. It was Alex’s old Blink-182 shirt, the first one he ever got. He had given it to me before tenth grade. I pulled off my JAGK shirt and pulled his shirt on. As I yanked off my slippers I wrapped my arms around myself and cried harder.
All the pain I had caused him, I was now feeling and it hurt really badly. I ran to the kitchen and began digging through my cabinets. I wasn’t thinking I was just acting on impulse; I wanted the pain to just go away.
I finally found it, way in the back of one of my cupboards, a bottle of vodka. It was covered in three years of dust and when I grabbed it and a glass and set it on the counter, there was hand marks on the bottle from where I had touched it. I carelessly whipped my hand on my shorts.
I sat on one of kitchen stools and stared at the bottle. I slowly reached my hand towards it but pulled it back. Alex’s voice was in my head and I couldn’t get it out.
“What happened to you? You use to be my best friend, I feel like I don’t even know you anymore.”
“I’m sorry!” I screamed, wanting the painful memories to go away. Soon my head was filled with all the song he wrote and I couldn’t get it to stop. I was shaking and sweating and trying to control myself.
“Willow,” A voice came from the right of me. I was so consumed in my own thoughts I must’ve not heard the door open.
There Alex stood, he looked worried. My eyes widened and I quickly swung my arm and knocked the glass and bottle to the floor. It shattered in to millions of pieces and I backed off the stool and through my back against the wall. Seeing him, made me realize the mistake I was about to make.
He walked over to me quickly and pulled me into his arms. I cried against his chest.
~x0x~
Rian and I had originally planned on just going to lunch, but before I knew it we had spent almost the entire day wandering around Florida. It was hot and sunny; and we were relived to not get stopped by many fans.
We walked back on to the bus laughing and Zach was sitting on the couch. He looked up at us made eye contact with me and quickly looked away. I shrugged it off and headed to my bunk. When I got there I pulled the curtain back and the picture of Willow and I. I actually jumped back in surprise.
What was the picture doing here?
“Have you talked to Willow today?” Zach’s voice startled me. I shook my head ‘no’. I looked back at the picture.
“You should go see her,” He started. I picked the picture up and turned my head to look at him.
“Did she see this picture?” I asked my voice cracking. He nodded his head slowly. I immediately stuffed the picture in my pocket and ran off my bus. I sprinted to Hey Monday’s bus. I ran up the stairs and the entire band jumped at my sudden entrance.
“Where’s Willow?” I demanded.
“She’s at her apartment,” Cassadee said, “Why?” I was trying to control my breathing. I ran my hands through my hair and started to pace.
“Where does she live?” I demanded again. Cassadee gave me a worried look.
“Alex,” Cassadee said, “What’s going on?” She said, standing in front of me.
“I need to see her Cass!” I yelled, “Give me her address!” Cassadee took a step back, surprised by my outburst. She quickly told me the address and I ran off the bus and found a cab.
Once I reached her apartment building I took the elevator to the eighth floor and ran down the hall until I found her apartment number. I contemplated whether or not to knock or just go in. I opted for the last choice and turned the door handle. It was really quiet and I started to get worried. I started to walk towards what I though was the kitchen.
There was Willow sitting at the table crying hysterically and shaking. There was a bottle of vodka sitting in front of her. I could see the amount of dust on it from here.
“Willow,” I said quietly.
She looked up startled by my sudden presences. She reacted quickly and flung her arm into the bottle and glass. They flew across the room and shattered on the floor. She flung herself against the wall and sank down and continued to cry.
I ran to her and pulled her into my arms and held her tightly. I had a feeling that something else happened to make her react like this. It wasn’t just the picture, but I was 100% sure I was involved.