Status: Finished
Its In The Past, Now Lets Try And Focus On The Future - Alex Gaskarth
Chapter 4
I again made eye contact with Alex again and he seemed to be thinking the same thing. I told Jack I would be right back. I quickly walked away and let the tears fall. I ran towards Hey Monday’s bus and hid behind it. I sat against it and pulled my knees to my chest. My body shook with sobs.
I had calmed down and now tears were just falling silently down my face when someone sat next to me. I lifted my head slowly and saw Alex sitting there, his arm was out stretched and a bottle of water was in it. I looked back up to his face. I studied his now more mature facial features, trying to memorize every detail. I think he was doing the same, and this was the only time I have seen his face without that blank expression. I slowly took the water and took a sip.
I was surprised he went out of his way to find me a bottle of water, when there was beer everywhere. Did he know? Jack hasn’t seen him since I told him. I gave him a questioning look, and he must have read my mind.
“I can tell,” He said quietly, “You look a lot healthier and happier, than the last time I saw you.” I saw him flinch from the memory.
“It took me about a month to realize you were right.” I said quietly, staring at my obnoxiously bright shoes.
“That was over three years ago,” He said, just as quietly.
We sat in silence for a long time, neither of us knowing what to say. I knew I had to apologize if I hoped for any kind of friendship with Alex.
“I know, it’s too late, and with all the shit I put you through, I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I am sorry.” I said as tears began to fall from my eyes again. “You have no idea how sorry I am.”
To my surprise he leaned over and whipped my tears away.
“I want to forgive you, I really do, but it’s not that easy.” He said looking at his converse. I sighed in defeat and began to stand up.
“Wait, I wasn’t done,” he gave me a small smile, “But I’m willing to try, I want you to be in my life again Willow.” I smiled; I haven’t heard him say my name in years. He smiled to and pulled me into a hug. We held each other tightly, and I sighed contently.
“I missed you,” He said quietly.
“I missed you to Alex,” I said as we broke apart. We stood up and headed back to the party. When we came into view, the only people who seemed to notice us were Cassadee, and the other three members of All Time Low, all of whom had small smiles on their faces. I told Alex I would see him later, he smiled and waved as I headed towards Cassadee and he headed towards his band mates.
Once I reached Cassadee, she told me it was time for bus call, and once we reached the bus, she quickly pulled me to the back lounge to get the whole story.
~x0x~
I heard footsteps approaching my bunk and shortly after that the curtain was pulled back to reveal a smirking Jack. I knew what was on his mind and I really wasn’t ready or willing to go there with him yet.
“Well, well, well,” He said, his smirk growing larger, “I wasn’t really shocked to see you go after her.”
“Man, I really don’t want to talk about it.” I said attempting to close my curtain, but he stopped me.
“Alex, I knew you wouldn’t be able to stay away. Maybe it’s time to put the past in the past.” Jack said, putting his hand on my shoulder.
“Easier said than done,” I said, “You don’t know the full story, and you probably never will. It’s going to take a lot more than an apology.”
“What ever man,” Jack said while rolling his eyes, “I still think you need to forget the past and just focus on right now.” With that he shut my curtain and walked away. I sighed and pull my hair slightly. I lay on my back looking up at the top of my bunk.
Jack was right though, which is kind of scary. I was still unable to get the last two years of high school out of my head. All I could think about was Willow, my best friend, quickly disappearing in a downward spiral. The drug and alcohol abuse was horrible. It scared the shit out of me to see her like that, and those are images that I am going to have to live with for the rest of my life. Worst of all is all the guys she would sleep with for the drugs that she needed. I shuddered and could almost feel my heart breaking all over again.
Yes I was in love with Willow, but she completely smashed my heart and she didn’t even know it. Watching her do all those things and not being able to stop her is what broke my heart. Thinking of the last conversation I had with her was only making these feelings come rushing back.
I reached into my pillow case and pulled out an old tattered picture. I slowly looked at it. I hadn’t looked at this picture in a really long time. It was a picture of Willow and I in tenth grade before everything started changing. She had let Jack dye her hair and she had huge blonde chunks scattered randomly through her hair. It was also shorter; just touching her shoulders. She was smiling and I had my arms wrapped around her shoulders and was resting my head on top of hers with an equally big smile on my face. We had been best friends and to this day I still beat myself up because I should have seen this coming and been able to stop it. I kind of blame myself. If I had done things differently would Willow be traveling with us and sleeping in my bunk with me looking at this picture and laughing at her badly dyed hair?
Jack was right, I needed to try to push past all the bad and try and remember the good. It was just a blur in my memory because there hasn’t been any good in mine and Willow’s relationship since we were in eleventh grade. But looking at this picture it made the memories a little less blurry.
~x0x~
I had calmed down and now tears were just falling silently down my face when someone sat next to me. I lifted my head slowly and saw Alex sitting there, his arm was out stretched and a bottle of water was in it. I looked back up to his face. I studied his now more mature facial features, trying to memorize every detail. I think he was doing the same, and this was the only time I have seen his face without that blank expression. I slowly took the water and took a sip.
I was surprised he went out of his way to find me a bottle of water, when there was beer everywhere. Did he know? Jack hasn’t seen him since I told him. I gave him a questioning look, and he must have read my mind.
“I can tell,” He said quietly, “You look a lot healthier and happier, than the last time I saw you.” I saw him flinch from the memory.
“It took me about a month to realize you were right.” I said quietly, staring at my obnoxiously bright shoes.
“That was over three years ago,” He said, just as quietly.
We sat in silence for a long time, neither of us knowing what to say. I knew I had to apologize if I hoped for any kind of friendship with Alex.
“I know, it’s too late, and with all the shit I put you through, I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I am sorry.” I said as tears began to fall from my eyes again. “You have no idea how sorry I am.”
To my surprise he leaned over and whipped my tears away.
“I want to forgive you, I really do, but it’s not that easy.” He said looking at his converse. I sighed in defeat and began to stand up.
“Wait, I wasn’t done,” he gave me a small smile, “But I’m willing to try, I want you to be in my life again Willow.” I smiled; I haven’t heard him say my name in years. He smiled to and pulled me into a hug. We held each other tightly, and I sighed contently.
“I missed you,” He said quietly.
“I missed you to Alex,” I said as we broke apart. We stood up and headed back to the party. When we came into view, the only people who seemed to notice us were Cassadee, and the other three members of All Time Low, all of whom had small smiles on their faces. I told Alex I would see him later, he smiled and waved as I headed towards Cassadee and he headed towards his band mates.
Once I reached Cassadee, she told me it was time for bus call, and once we reached the bus, she quickly pulled me to the back lounge to get the whole story.
~x0x~
I heard footsteps approaching my bunk and shortly after that the curtain was pulled back to reveal a smirking Jack. I knew what was on his mind and I really wasn’t ready or willing to go there with him yet.
“Well, well, well,” He said, his smirk growing larger, “I wasn’t really shocked to see you go after her.”
“Man, I really don’t want to talk about it.” I said attempting to close my curtain, but he stopped me.
“Alex, I knew you wouldn’t be able to stay away. Maybe it’s time to put the past in the past.” Jack said, putting his hand on my shoulder.
“Easier said than done,” I said, “You don’t know the full story, and you probably never will. It’s going to take a lot more than an apology.”
“What ever man,” Jack said while rolling his eyes, “I still think you need to forget the past and just focus on right now.” With that he shut my curtain and walked away. I sighed and pull my hair slightly. I lay on my back looking up at the top of my bunk.
Jack was right though, which is kind of scary. I was still unable to get the last two years of high school out of my head. All I could think about was Willow, my best friend, quickly disappearing in a downward spiral. The drug and alcohol abuse was horrible. It scared the shit out of me to see her like that, and those are images that I am going to have to live with for the rest of my life. Worst of all is all the guys she would sleep with for the drugs that she needed. I shuddered and could almost feel my heart breaking all over again.
Yes I was in love with Willow, but she completely smashed my heart and she didn’t even know it. Watching her do all those things and not being able to stop her is what broke my heart. Thinking of the last conversation I had with her was only making these feelings come rushing back.
I reached into my pillow case and pulled out an old tattered picture. I slowly looked at it. I hadn’t looked at this picture in a really long time. It was a picture of Willow and I in tenth grade before everything started changing. She had let Jack dye her hair and she had huge blonde chunks scattered randomly through her hair. It was also shorter; just touching her shoulders. She was smiling and I had my arms wrapped around her shoulders and was resting my head on top of hers with an equally big smile on my face. We had been best friends and to this day I still beat myself up because I should have seen this coming and been able to stop it. I kind of blame myself. If I had done things differently would Willow be traveling with us and sleeping in my bunk with me looking at this picture and laughing at her badly dyed hair?
Jack was right, I needed to try to push past all the bad and try and remember the good. It was just a blur in my memory because there hasn’t been any good in mine and Willow’s relationship since we were in eleventh grade. But looking at this picture it made the memories a little less blurry.
~x0x~