The Perfect Vengeance
Perfect Vengeance
When she said I was dead for her… that´s when I decided I wouldn’t love anyone anymore, not ever again. I passed my days in my room, reading books, watching TV, not really living; the TV and the books where my new, fantasized life then. When I opened a book or watched a movie I could become anyone, anything, and I needn’t to be really hurt by anyone at all.
And then she said she wanted needed me back and my heart synced into me. I didn’t know if I wanted to go through it all over again, or if I wanted to just ignore her and keep living in my little and imaginary, half-satisfying world.
I wanted her back, I really did, but I couldn’t let myself fall back to her like a total fool. Not again. The year I spent with her; every day became better than the day before and all the sadness and loneliness, all the teen drama I´d fallen into went away and I felt like someone new. I had someone to talk to, someone to take care of, and someone who would take care of me. I had the taste of her dream-like lips every day for a whole year and I felt it was the greatest gift of life, but now I don’t know whether I was loved or used. Now I can’t look back to one of those days and nights we spent and be sure of what I was feeling back then or what I feel about it right now.
Last week I took a walk and ended up at the City´s Park, I decided to take a sit on a bench and just look around for a while. It was lonely since it was 9am, everyone was at school or at work, maybe some were still in bed, but I´d decided that I wouldn’t do anything that day, I would just be alone with my thoughts, thinking about what I needed to do with myself, how to manage with my new, cold self. I didn’t get much ´thinking time´ since she appeared there about five minutes after I´d taken a seat.
“Can I talk with you, Pierre?” She asked as she took a seat beside me. I didn’t even have to look up to her to know it was her, I recognized her voice and essence, her smell that haunted me every time I thought about the time I held her at night.
“Try.” I answered coldly. I didn’t want her to know in how much pain I was, and how scared yet excited I was to hear her voice and to have her that close to me.
“PearPear, I… Look, it wasn’t…” I could sense her tense position, she sighed; the fact about having to talk to me, not knowing exactly what to say and be worried about it, (like she needed to make a speech before and not fail a word as she recited it) made me feel uneasy and made me realize for the hundredth time that we couldn’t talk to each other freely anymore, and probably never would again. “I didn’t want to hurt you and I never want to leave you. He made me… I did it for your own good, PearPear. I was scared he´d hurt you and I thought that if I told you it would make things worse.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I apparently said it rougher than I wanted it to sound like; I practically spit hatred in every syllable I pronounced.
“I´m talking about Chris… Remember that we met him at that coffee place?” I remembered him well, he made me feel the most terrible jealousy I´d ever felt for anyone.
“So that´s what took my place, huh?” I replied with no surprise at all.
“No, Pierre, aren’t you listening to me? He made me leave you. He´s crazy, Pierre. He said he´d kill you if I didn’t break up with you, I was scared. After I broke up with you he raped me... He wants me to pretend to be in love with him, but I can’t keep up with that for much longer, Pierre. I love you, and it hurts me to be with him and more in a relationship that ain´t much but do what he says.” She started sobbing and I realized I was mad with anger at Chris and that I loved her again, and I saw that I wouldn’t fall into anything because she did love me. But Chris was still a big problem. Oh, but I wasn’t aware yet of how much of a problem he´d be.
We ended up kissing and making up, but it was without feeling, I was just in need and she was confused and worried. At least I didn’t feel a thing while we made out.
I told her I´d get her out of it and she thanked me with tears running down her face. I´d never seen her that worried or scared and that made me scared too. I had been dependable of her, but now she was the one depending on me. And I couldn’t let her down.
The next day I made some research, and finally got in touch with my buddy Chuck; he was surprised to see me out of my room and he said he was happy for me too, but when I told him about Katie he snorted then sighed, and said: “You haven’t changed, I see… Falling right back, eh?” I told him it wasn’t like that at all, she´d seem very sincere to me and her pain was still locked in my heart.
I convinced him and he helped me get Chris´s direction and all. That same day I prepared myself to go to his house and talk to him, later I realized that if words didn’t work, I´d go ahead and fight. I´ve never been much of a fighter, but I always thought she was worth getting my ass kicked, and apparently I was back to the old me: a fool in love.
I drove down to Chris´s place; Chuck came along with me, but left clear he´d only interfere if things got out of control. I parked right behind his car and took a deep breath. I wasn’t really prepared, but I had to protect her, as I´d promised.
I got out of the car and walked slowly to his door, my legs trembling, my stomach was uneasy. I got to the door to find it open.
“Pierre!” Chuck screamed behind me, I looked back; he was out of the car already. “I don’t think you should go in…” He said loud enough for me to hear it, I waved him off and walked in anyway.
“Hello?”
“Pierre! I was waiting for you! Make your way to the kitchen if you´d like, I bet you can find the way.” Chris´s voice sounded so creepy and robotic, it reminded me of one of those crazy characters Johnny Depp usually plays, like some kind of Mort from the Secret Window movie.
“U-…hu”
I walked to the only door I thought would lead me to the kitchen and almost jumped when I saw he had Katie tied to a chair right in the middle of the room, I panicked, and my hands closed into fists and squeezed my own skin.
“What are you doing” I asked forcing my voice.
“What does it look like from there?” He asked taking a .45 from a drawer next to him.
“Keep that away from her!” I could see the enormous amount of fear in her eyes as he traced the line of her neck with the gun.
“And what are you going to do about it, huh? Do you think you deserve her as much as I do? Are you willing to do the unnecessary for her?” I froze; I didn’t know what to do, or how to react to something like that. Then I thought about what he´d said.
“I-I-I´m gonna stop you and save her.” But, how? He started laughing.
“Yeah, right.” He removed his hair from his face with the mouth of the gun and looked at me evilly. “C´mon then. Get me, I´m right here.” He stood there, opened his legs and arms as if offering himself to me, it could´ve been easy, but he had the gun.
I wanted to cry out for Chuck to come help me, but if I did that then I would not only have her at risk, but him too, and the thing was that I didn’t want anyone hurt, and less if it´s the girl I love and my best friend since elementary. I had to get both of us out of this without involving more people. I felt it was my fight.
I took one step forward, he pulled the trigger. I opened my mouth to try to solve it without having to hurt myself or him, but I realized it wasn’t going to work out like that; he was decided to make it the hard way.
“Pierre…. You better leave, just go. It´s better that way.” Katie cried after she managed to get the cloth in her mouth out.
“No…” I whispered. “I´m not leaving, Chris. I´m not scared of you.” The thought that came to mind after I´d said that: Who am I kidding?
“Take your shot, then.” I straightened up and readied myself to fight. I ran at him when…
He moved the gun and shot Kate. I stopped abruptly and froze as I saw her head fall, her chin resting on her chest, I hated the sight of it, but I couldn’t look away as tears fell down my cheek. While I was too involved in that I heard another gunshot and thought: I´m dead… But it wasn’t like that… when I looked up Chris lay on the floor; a river of blood ran around him.
Asshole… He planned it all along… He killed her and then he killed himself; leaving me alone and with no one to take revenge on.
I won’t have a perfect vengeance.
And all because of fear. All because of my weakness.
And then she said she wanted needed me back and my heart synced into me. I didn’t know if I wanted to go through it all over again, or if I wanted to just ignore her and keep living in my little and imaginary, half-satisfying world.
I wanted her back, I really did, but I couldn’t let myself fall back to her like a total fool. Not again. The year I spent with her; every day became better than the day before and all the sadness and loneliness, all the teen drama I´d fallen into went away and I felt like someone new. I had someone to talk to, someone to take care of, and someone who would take care of me. I had the taste of her dream-like lips every day for a whole year and I felt it was the greatest gift of life, but now I don’t know whether I was loved or used. Now I can’t look back to one of those days and nights we spent and be sure of what I was feeling back then or what I feel about it right now.
Last week I took a walk and ended up at the City´s Park, I decided to take a sit on a bench and just look around for a while. It was lonely since it was 9am, everyone was at school or at work, maybe some were still in bed, but I´d decided that I wouldn’t do anything that day, I would just be alone with my thoughts, thinking about what I needed to do with myself, how to manage with my new, cold self. I didn’t get much ´thinking time´ since she appeared there about five minutes after I´d taken a seat.
“Can I talk with you, Pierre?” She asked as she took a seat beside me. I didn’t even have to look up to her to know it was her, I recognized her voice and essence, her smell that haunted me every time I thought about the time I held her at night.
“Try.” I answered coldly. I didn’t want her to know in how much pain I was, and how scared yet excited I was to hear her voice and to have her that close to me.
“PearPear, I… Look, it wasn’t…” I could sense her tense position, she sighed; the fact about having to talk to me, not knowing exactly what to say and be worried about it, (like she needed to make a speech before and not fail a word as she recited it) made me feel uneasy and made me realize for the hundredth time that we couldn’t talk to each other freely anymore, and probably never would again. “I didn’t want to hurt you and I never want to leave you. He made me… I did it for your own good, PearPear. I was scared he´d hurt you and I thought that if I told you it would make things worse.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I apparently said it rougher than I wanted it to sound like; I practically spit hatred in every syllable I pronounced.
“I´m talking about Chris… Remember that we met him at that coffee place?” I remembered him well, he made me feel the most terrible jealousy I´d ever felt for anyone.
“So that´s what took my place, huh?” I replied with no surprise at all.
“No, Pierre, aren’t you listening to me? He made me leave you. He´s crazy, Pierre. He said he´d kill you if I didn’t break up with you, I was scared. After I broke up with you he raped me... He wants me to pretend to be in love with him, but I can’t keep up with that for much longer, Pierre. I love you, and it hurts me to be with him and more in a relationship that ain´t much but do what he says.” She started sobbing and I realized I was mad with anger at Chris and that I loved her again, and I saw that I wouldn’t fall into anything because she did love me. But Chris was still a big problem. Oh, but I wasn’t aware yet of how much of a problem he´d be.
We ended up kissing and making up, but it was without feeling, I was just in need and she was confused and worried. At least I didn’t feel a thing while we made out.
I told her I´d get her out of it and she thanked me with tears running down her face. I´d never seen her that worried or scared and that made me scared too. I had been dependable of her, but now she was the one depending on me. And I couldn’t let her down.
The next day I made some research, and finally got in touch with my buddy Chuck; he was surprised to see me out of my room and he said he was happy for me too, but when I told him about Katie he snorted then sighed, and said: “You haven’t changed, I see… Falling right back, eh?” I told him it wasn’t like that at all, she´d seem very sincere to me and her pain was still locked in my heart.
I convinced him and he helped me get Chris´s direction and all. That same day I prepared myself to go to his house and talk to him, later I realized that if words didn’t work, I´d go ahead and fight. I´ve never been much of a fighter, but I always thought she was worth getting my ass kicked, and apparently I was back to the old me: a fool in love.
I drove down to Chris´s place; Chuck came along with me, but left clear he´d only interfere if things got out of control. I parked right behind his car and took a deep breath. I wasn’t really prepared, but I had to protect her, as I´d promised.
I got out of the car and walked slowly to his door, my legs trembling, my stomach was uneasy. I got to the door to find it open.
“Pierre!” Chuck screamed behind me, I looked back; he was out of the car already. “I don’t think you should go in…” He said loud enough for me to hear it, I waved him off and walked in anyway.
“Hello?”
“Pierre! I was waiting for you! Make your way to the kitchen if you´d like, I bet you can find the way.” Chris´s voice sounded so creepy and robotic, it reminded me of one of those crazy characters Johnny Depp usually plays, like some kind of Mort from the Secret Window movie.
“U-…hu”
I walked to the only door I thought would lead me to the kitchen and almost jumped when I saw he had Katie tied to a chair right in the middle of the room, I panicked, and my hands closed into fists and squeezed my own skin.
“What are you doing” I asked forcing my voice.
“What does it look like from there?” He asked taking a .45 from a drawer next to him.
“Keep that away from her!” I could see the enormous amount of fear in her eyes as he traced the line of her neck with the gun.
“And what are you going to do about it, huh? Do you think you deserve her as much as I do? Are you willing to do the unnecessary for her?” I froze; I didn’t know what to do, or how to react to something like that. Then I thought about what he´d said.
“I-I-I´m gonna stop you and save her.” But, how? He started laughing.
“Yeah, right.” He removed his hair from his face with the mouth of the gun and looked at me evilly. “C´mon then. Get me, I´m right here.” He stood there, opened his legs and arms as if offering himself to me, it could´ve been easy, but he had the gun.
I wanted to cry out for Chuck to come help me, but if I did that then I would not only have her at risk, but him too, and the thing was that I didn’t want anyone hurt, and less if it´s the girl I love and my best friend since elementary. I had to get both of us out of this without involving more people. I felt it was my fight.
I took one step forward, he pulled the trigger. I opened my mouth to try to solve it without having to hurt myself or him, but I realized it wasn’t going to work out like that; he was decided to make it the hard way.
“Pierre…. You better leave, just go. It´s better that way.” Katie cried after she managed to get the cloth in her mouth out.
“No…” I whispered. “I´m not leaving, Chris. I´m not scared of you.” The thought that came to mind after I´d said that: Who am I kidding?
“Take your shot, then.” I straightened up and readied myself to fight. I ran at him when…
He moved the gun and shot Kate. I stopped abruptly and froze as I saw her head fall, her chin resting on her chest, I hated the sight of it, but I couldn’t look away as tears fell down my cheek. While I was too involved in that I heard another gunshot and thought: I´m dead… But it wasn’t like that… when I looked up Chris lay on the floor; a river of blood ran around him.
Asshole… He planned it all along… He killed her and then he killed himself; leaving me alone and with no one to take revenge on.
I won’t have a perfect vengeance.
And all because of fear. All because of my weakness.