Normal Life

My eyes squint shut trying to avoid the filtered sunlight drifting in, the inevitable jitters of opening them to the sudden glare of natural light crossing from the window, I risk to open one eye only to quickly close it, feeling the burn in my shocked retinas before slamming it shut again. Only after trying a few times was I successful in opening one eye. Rubbing off the grogginess that blurred my vision, I start to open the other one only to close it again quickly, unable to pass through the burning feeling that stabbed my eyes. After a while though, I became successful in keeping them both open with half the grogginess out. I couldn't remember how I end up here, I never stepped into this room as far as I was concern yet I was sleeping in the couch for who knows how long.

I stood up and began to walk around the office. There was a wooden-made table in the right corner of the room and a spinning chair which was teasingly still. I walk to it, slowly and reluctantly, almost like if I was afraid of it attacking me. Yet, I turned the chair so that it will face my way and then I sit on it. My hands fell on the table and with one movement I sent the chair spinning. It wasn't long before I got dizzy to the point were I wanted to throw up. A major headache was getting more and more powerful over my brain. I went back to the couch and lay down again. The feeling of throwing up slowly faded but the headache was still striking multiple times. I closed my eyes, trying desperately to get rid of the headache. It was then when I started feeling sleepy again, all the energy I once felt being drained in mere seconds. My eyes were suddenly too heavy to keep them open. I wasn't even trying to open them again; I was too tired to fight back.

"I see you still have her here"

"There was nowhere she could rest peacefully. And she seems like a sweet young girl, I don't mind her here."

"I don't care as long as it doesn't interfere with your work. It's already late as it is"

"Don't worry. I promise to finish it before you leave today. I have to finish your files, Landon's and Shelia's so could you leave now?"

"Fine. But before I leave I want to remind you. Don't get to fond of her; you know what happens to these cases"

"You won't let me forget it I see. Don't worry about those kinds of things, I wont. Now if you could leave"

"Yes, I'll leave now. Just remember what I said. There won't be a second chance this time"

Silence struck in the room, I couldn't even hear the footsteps. It became nerve wrecking to not know where they were, they could be anywhere, and they could be talking in whispers now, plotting against me. The urge to turn around and see where they were invaded my body yet I was scared of them knowing I was awake. What if they give me another shot? I didn't want another of those; they could poison me and leave me in a dark room to rot alone in a pain that I could never ease. Yes that was it! They were planning it right now! They were there, talking in whispers, telling each other who would do what and how they can do it, arranging the plan so it becomes perfect and there was no chance for me to escape.

Terrified to the point I started to feel nauseated, I threw the blanket to the other side of the couch and stood up. Not looking around the room, I just started running to where I knew the door was. But I was stopped by two big arms, embracing me strong enough for me to not escape. I yelled and kick, more terrified than I was before. I failed and now he was going to punish me. "Calm down! Calm down! I wont hurt you, calm down" he was screaming along with my own screams. But I didn't calm down, how could I, he was too near me, he could do anything he wanted with me there in his arms.

Neither of us gave in, I kept kicking and turning, trying desperately to escape from his arm and he kept holding me tight enough, screaming "Calm down" and "I wont hurt you" over and over again. It was after a couple minutes that another person came in, scared of the screaming.

"What did you do?!" she asked startle.

"I did nothing! She just started running again, I stopped her and now she's screaming" he replied.

"Then leave her alone" she reason.

"But, what if she starts running again? She will try to go away"

The woman came near us, looked at me and asked "Look at her, she's so scared! Collin, you can't treat her like this!" she stopped and kneeled, try to look at me in the eyes but I avoided her eyes, "What do you want honey? Do you want him to stop holding you? That's what you want?"

I stopped moving and nod slightly, my head down, unable to look at her in the eyes.
She simply said "Okay, but you need to promise us you won't start running. Can you promise us that?"

I couldn't do such thing yet I nodded again. He instantly leave me alone, release me from those strong arms and took one step back. I fell and start sobbing again. Embracing myself I walked to the corner of the room, my eyes always glued to the floor. I felt how I could throw up at any moment; my stomach was like a storm that didn't seem to be over anytime soon.

"See, that's all you needed. She's only five, Collin, be gentler"

The man never replied I just heard the footsteps leaving the room, the door closing and footsteps that became louder as they approach me. Collin kneed and looked at me. I simply tried to amplify the distance between us so he took two steps back. It was silence for a while, which only made me feel scared again. "You don't like me holding you nor being near you, do you? He asked, I hesitated but nodded. "I don't know this kind of things. You need to tell me…" It stayed quite for a while and then he simply stood up and walked to his desk. "Perhaps you are still tired, you can go back to sleep if you want. Or, are you hungry? I can get you food too." He was very far now yet I stayed in my place. Collin waited for an answer but give up soon enough and started clicking the mouse and typing with the keyboard.

After a while I finally stood up, slowly walking to the couch, my stomach was starting to calm down. I sat in it and look slightly up to verify if Collin was still in his desk. He was, so I lay down, cover up with the blanket and after a few minutes let Morpheus take me away. It wasn't long before I started dreaming. I was in another room; a dark room that resembled the basement I once stayed in, however this room was darker and when I tried to reach for any object that was there alone with me I discover there was none. Heart start beating faster, it became hard to breath, I started to hear voices inside my head, all talking at once, all insulting each other yet telling me the same thing in different words-"It's all your fault. She should had live, not you"

Two big hands suddenly grab me and without mercy they threw me into something hard like a floor. Everything was still dark and I still couldn't see anything. The unfamiliar hands came down to my hair, stroking it with such delicacy that it almost made me feel like an animal. The hands kept stroking me again and again, only making me feel more scared than I was. Then I heard a nose sniffing my hair, above that sound, a long ring trapped in my ears. I suddenly stopped feeling the touch of the rough skin hands. Relief was setting in when the person came again, now a mouth appeared near my neck, kissing it, licking it. His hands were busy too; they were slowly stroking my left tight. Up and down, up and down. I thought he wouldn't go any higher, I wished he didn't.

It was then when I finally figure out where I was. It was rather different since the room wasn't the usual white mediocre room. It was a dark room with nothing in it, but it was still the same game with the same people. I stopped hesitating in that instant, fearing that if I resist more I would get punish.

"For Papa's sake"

My mind went blank, my eyes closed and my body relaxed, hoping it will end soon. It was then when the hands took all my cloths, turn me over and separated my legs. Then it began. The constant movement of his hips became faster and faster until it stopped with one last loud scream of pleasure. "I'm done with you now you worthless little thing". He threw me to a pit of more darkness like the garbage I felt I was. My body flinched, my eyes opened and I discovered it was just a dream. Such a real dream....

"I tried to wake you up, but you just wouldn't"

Collin was by my side, his hands just above me like if he was shaking me trying to wake me up. I shook my head, stood up and move away from him. Holding myself as I sob once again, scared of having to return there once again without notice, miserable of reliving what I though was finally over. I felt weak and exposed but I couldn't do anything, I couldn't stop crying, I couldn't go hold Collin nor ask him to hold me close. That was all I wanted, to be hold close and feel loved once again yet I was too scared. My sobbing stopped rapidly, only leaving behind hiccups.

"Feeling better?"

I wasn't, the feelings were still there, the need for crying was still there and I felt like I could break out any time soon. "Please, please just hold me!" I wanted to scream, why I couldn't tell him that I wanted him to hold me close. Feel safe, feel wanted, feel like I was someone in this world, and prove to myself that I wasn't trash and that I didn't had to die in this mere instance. "You should had died! Why did you took her away? Why? Unlike you, she was someone. Were you jealous?! You wanted all the love so you had to kill her! You worthless little trash" It wasn't true, I wasn't jealous, I didn't wanted her death, I didn't…

"Take this, it will make you feel better" He said holding a white cup in front of me. "Its warm and nice, come on" Could I trust him? No I couldn't, there must be something in there. I knew there was something in there, he was plotting against me, he wanted me death, I was a disturbance so he wanted to kill me. But didn't I want death? Yes, but I was so scared. He waited for a while and then put it down. "You simply don't trust me, do you? Its fine, I understand." Collin stood up and went to a small table where a microwave stood next to the coffee machine. He pressed a few buttons and the machine came alive, heating up the food that was inside. "You need to eat, I brought you a hamburger." He explained as he waited for the hamburger to be ready. "I'll buy you something to drink, what do you want?" Silence. "If you don't speak I won't know what you want" The food announced it was ready with a few beeps, he took the food out and gave them to me. "Here, I'll bring in the soda right now "And he left.

It was then when I looked up, the room was huge and well organized, the main desk was in the corner, two smaller drawers behind it. Next to the big desk there was a bright window and on the very opposite of the desk, the small desk where the coffee and microwave were. My sight returned to the window, it was too bright to see what was outside from here and I was dying of curiosity. So I stood up and went to the window. When I was close enough it reveal a beautiful garden filled with colorful flowers and plants that were well care of.

"It's such a beautiful day isn't it?"
I turned, startle of hearing his voice, I completely forgot I was in his office. He came near and gave me the soda, I took it and went to the couch only to put it next to the hamburger, aside from me. "You need to eat" he repeated, but I wasn't hungry. He didn't insist though, he simply returned to his desk to do something much more important. I kept looking at the floor, thinking of the beautiful garden outside. Such a perfect garden…