Tonight, the Sky Cries

February 26th

Letter #365

My Dearest Parker,

Wow... 365 letters. I've written one for each day that you've been gone... it's been a year. I know you're probably getting pretty tired of these... but I can't help myself. Writing is the only thing I know how to do. It helps me keep calm, keep my head clear, my heart steady. I miss you like hell, you know. Not a day goes by without me thinking of you.

Like tonight, for instance. It's raining... and it reminds me of the day we first met...

October 28th. It was a Thursday, which was my weekly shopping day. I followed my usual routine, except for once, I decided to walk downtown to where the cute little local shops were and look around. In Harmony Springs, October and March happened to be the rainiest months... and of course, the one day I forget my damn umbrella, it just had to start pouring.

I darted around looking for a place to take refuge, when you came running up... Your hair was adorably tousled with sparkling drops decorating it so delicately, a boyish grin slapped on your mouth, and your blue-green eyes were twinkling.

" 'Scuse me, ma'am, but you look like you could use an umbrella," you said, a laugh threatening to spill out.

"Please, I'm not a 'ma'am'. And, yes, I sure could."

"Can I walk you somewhere then, Not Ma'am?"

I swear, you had me then, with your silly sense of humor.

"Well... Why not? I could use someone to talk to. I'm Liz."

"Nice to meet'cha, Lizzie. I'm Parker."

We walked all over that afternoon, gabbing like pre-teen schoolgirls, not realizing that we'd been going in circles for hours, nor that the rain was beginning to stop. To be honest, I'd never had such conversations, especially with someone I'd only just met. The sun was setting, and yet, we still had tons of talk left in us.

"Lizzie, seems to be getting pretty dark. I would love to be un-gentleman-like and keep you out 'til all hours of the night, but that would be awfully selfish. What time can I meet'cha for coffee tomorrow?"

You always were a bold one. I remember our first date (well, the walk seemed to be enough of a first date for us, but you considered dinner the second first date), like it was yesterday.

We quickly became good friends, and then even more so quickly became lovers. You were my rainbow, rapidly spreading color to my otherwise dull life. I never had to worry about anything, not with you by my side. Our love was as passionate as a Shakespeare play, only without the drama.

Our first year together came and went. Then our second. Somewhere in the middle of our third year, something began to happen. I don't remember noticing it right away, but the light in your eyes... it got just a little bit duller. That I remember. You felt weak, never hungry, always tired... So finally, I went with you to the doctor.

I remember him sending you to another doctor, and that one sent you to another, and tests were done, blood was drawn, x-rays, MRIs, and CAT scans were taken... Weeks of this drew on and on. And then, Dr. Morales called. And we went to his office. And then... we knew.

"L-l-leukemia?" I stammered. No, that wasn't right.

"I'm afraid so, Liz."

I began crying. You wrapped your arms around me, rubbing my back, comforting me.

"It's alright, Lizzie. Don't worry."

"Parker, I should be the one comforting you!"

"Ahhh, don't worry 'bout it, sugar."

"Dr. Morales, is there anything that can be done?"

"Yes and no. We can start treatment immediately, chemotherapy and radiation. We can't promise anything."

So, we did the treatments. And medications. And everything under the sun, moon, and stars.

But nothing worked.

"I'm sorry to tell you, Parker, but there's nothing more we can do. We can send you home, and you can relax and be comfortable, and just live the rest of your life."

"How long?" I whispered.

The answer fell like a two-ton brick.

"One year."

You acted just like your old self the entire time. Sometimes I think that that was just a charade you put on just for me... But I was thankful for it. We tried to keep as much normalcy in our lives as possible... Which meant doing everything we could. Bungee jumping, sky diving, hiking... anything you wanted to do, we did.

The last month we had, you slowed down. You got sicker... stayed in bed an awful lot. You didn't want me to do a thing for you, but I would've gone to the end of the universe and back if you asked.

And I still remember clear as day what you said, every day, at least twice, to me.

"Lizzie, I love you, sugar. I loved you before I was born, before I knew you, before I met you, and I'll love you when I die and after. I don't think I ever woulda been this happy if I'd never found you. Thank you for completing my life."

Then the day came. On the morning of February 26th, a Saturday morning, I woke up... but you didn't.

It rained all day.

I still love you, a full year later, and I always will. You were my rainbow, and now, my life is dull and colorless again. The grief is more bearable now, yes, the sorrow a little less every day, but I still miss you like hell. I always will.

The only thing that keeps me going each day is knowing how much you loved me, that you swore to still love me after you were gone, and that we will be together again one day. That keeps me going strong.

Until then, I'll take life in stride. Day by day, night by night.

And tonight... Tonight the sky cries for you and me.

Forever and After Yours,

Lizzie