The Foolish Ravenclaw

I knew it was a tragedy waiting to happen.

I knew it was a heart waiting to shattering. It never meant anything. Not to him, at least.

We were young and so very foolish.

He was a scared boy who tried so hard to be intimidating. He’d wanted power and respect but the pathways he chose to get power and respect were what alienated him from better company. Except me.

Everyone else had sense enough to stay away. But I couldn’t. My biological need to cause myself emotional pain was working in full force that first day.

It had started before I knew what happened. And it ended in a whirlwind of trouble.

Years later, the scars on my heart still remain.

Really though, after all these years I know what happened. I know what it truly was. I could see our…flirtation, our affair (since it couldn’t be called a relationship) for what it was: a mistake.

I’m still not sure how it happened or how I got sucked into the dark black hole that he was. But before I knew it, I was gone. For the while it continued, I was perpetually bipolar. I either floating on Cloud Nine or wallowing in the seventh circle of hell.

How it started, I choose not to dwell on. All that matters is that it happened.

Third year we were tentatively; we, or at least I, didn’t have much experience with what we were doing. That constant nervousness and need to impress him were compounded with our sneaking around.

I was Ravenclaw. He was a Slytherin. Although our pairing wasn’t as forbidden as that of a Gryffindor and a Slytherin, there was still a fair bit of hostility between our houses.

But mainly we snuck around because he didn’t want his friends to find out.

Giggling, I ran my fingers through his blonde hair and pressed my lips against his once again. He was my drug. It was impossible to concentrate in classes that he wasn’t in. It was even more impossible to concentrate in the classes he was in as I couldn’t stop my eyes from constantly straying over to him.

“December…” He muttered into my ear as he kissed me again and again.

I was thirteen and convinced I was in love.

We had close calls during our third year. We were new at hiding a relationship. We almost got caught so many times.

“We’ve got to get back to our common rooms.” I insisted as he kissed my neck.

“Afraid to get in trouble, Mason?” He said mockingly.

“Shut up Malfoy.” I muttered.

“Make me.” he challenged.

“I—”

But we both froze at the sound of approaching footsteps.

“Malfoy—”

But without a word, he pulled us into the nearby broom closet.

I held my breath with difficulty as I was pressed against Draco’s chest in the tight space.

Once the footsteps had passed, we were silent for a few moments before I burst into giggles.

He was so absolutely infuriating. He was arrogant and conceited and some days I couldn’t stand him. Some days I wondered why I craved his kisses and his presence. But most days, I just wanted to be with him.

“Hey.” I said quietly as I snuck into the Hospital Wing to see him.

“What are you doing here Mason?”

“Come to see if you’re actually hurt, Malfoy.” I retorted.

Draco tried his best to look pitiful.

“Oh please.” I said rolling my eyes. “You provoked Buckbeak.”

“The bloody bird’s a menace!” He insisted. “When Father’s through it won’t be a problem anymore.”

“You’re unbelievable.” I called as I turned my back to him.

“That’s what you love about me.” He replied back.

We didn’t send letters over the summer. We didn’t speak and I doubted that he thought of me. But I thought of him. A little too much.

It didn’t take long for Draco to find me once school recommenced for our fourth year.

I found myself pulled into broom closets and behind statues while the paintings looked on disapprovingly.

Things were good…as good as an undefined, nonexclusive relationship could be. Things were good until the Yule Ball.

I was dancing with my date, Stephen, when I felt his eyes on me. His gaze was burning a hole into me and I had no choice but to meet his glance.

He looked unhappy while he danced with Pansy while glaring at Stephen and me. It wasn’t long before I found myself alone with him in an empty classroom.

“What’s wrong with you tonight?” I asked as if nothing was wrong; as if my heart wasn’t beating ridiculously fast and loud.

“Nothing.” He growled angrily as he pulled me in for a kiss. I dodged him however.

“No.” I said as I stepped away from him.

“December—”

“I have a date tonight, Malfoy. So do you. I’m not going to kiss another guy when I have a date.”

“He can hardly be called a date.” Malfoy scoffed.

“Since that’s coming from the guy who brought Pansy Parkinson, forgive me if I don’t put too much stock in your opinion.”

“Cornwell is a know-it-all Ravenclaw—”

“Parkinson is a pushy, annoying Slytherin—”

“Why would you say yes to him?” He asked loudly.

“Well its not like anyone else was going to ask me.” I retorted.

He glared at me. “I don’t like him.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Don’t kiss him.”

“I’ll kiss whoever I want. You’re going to kiss Pansy, I’m going to kiss Stephen.”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

We didn’t talk to each other for three weeks.

By the time fifth year came around, we were still sneaking around. My sister, April, was convinced I was in love. She kept badgering me to tell her who I was seeing but I wasn’t actually seeing anyone…

Things began to change in our fifth year. I had been getting more comfortable with Draco. I began pulling him into the broom closets. But things changed with Umbridge around, especially when Draco became part of the Inquistorial Squad.

He and his friends harassed my friends and I couldn’t bring myself to see him, let alone kiss him.

Ultimately we got past the fifth year speed bump, only to hit a brick wall in our sixth year.

I was so convinced I was in love with him. I loved his touch, his presence, hell even his smell. But then I finally found out the truth.

”December.” He murmured against my skin.

“Draco.” I replied quietly as I pulled his face up to met mine while I undid the fastened on his robe. He cupped my face while my fingers flew to the buttons of his shirt and slid it off.

From the light shining underneath the door, I saw it and my heart stopped.

“Oh my god.” I whimpered with my hand covering my mouth in shock. I shoved him away from me and turned to the door, trying to get away from him as soon as possible.

“December!” He hissed. I tried to pull open the door but he slammed it shut and blocked it with his body while he got his shirt on again.

He reached out toward me but I shrunk away. “Don’t touch me.” I snapped. “You’re a Death Eater.” I hissed.

He tried to grab me again but I pushed him away and began hitting him in the chest again and again.

“I can’t believe you! How could you? I’m such a fool. I didn’t realize. I should’ve known. There’s a reason you’re in Slytherin—”

Malfoy grabbed my wrists tightly. “Mason—”

“Don’t touch me!” I yelled trying desparately to break his grasp.

In an instant he shoved me away and I hit the wall hard.

By the time I looked at him he had his wand pointed at me.

“Tell no one of this.” He hissed. “Or you’ll regret it.”

I nodded in shock and he left. He left me alone with my heart shattering.

And that was it. We were done. I had made the most foolish of mistakes. I knew he would break my heart. But I didn’t pay attention that. I let myself foolishly fall for him. And in the end, when it was done, my heart was shattered and I was left with nothing.

Years later, I saw him on the first of September at King’s Cross. I saw him. He didn’t see me. He was with his wife and I knew I couldn’t go over to him. I couldn’t speak to him ever again. But it didn’t matter. It was too late. We were over before we had begun. We were a desperate attempt at something that could never be achieved. We were a spark that was born and died before we realized it ever existed. There was never anything concrete between us so, unattached and not tied down, we fell apart and dissolved into nothingness.

But the sight of him standing with his wife and son sent my heart beating in a flurry of pain. There will always be that one boy whom you will feel the same way about every time you see him, whether it be a week later or seventeen years later.