Those Eyes

The end of school came quickly, my lesson was Maths. Michella always made an effort to woo Mr Simms to give her a good mark, which every single day, got more and more annoying and boring.
My feet shuffled across the school grounds, knowing that everyone had left over 20 minutes ago, so no one would be able to find me, to follow me home. That had happened once, and that was why my mum made us move. Long story but we didn't have much other things in our house when we got back from visiting Dad's grave...
My eyes welled up at the thought. Dad was gone, he wasn't able to stand by me to protect me, he wasn't here to look out for me, or to pick me up every day after school. I always had to walk the 20 minute walk back to my house, that didn't even feel like a home anymore. It just felt like a prison.
The cold breeze blew at my jacket, my hands feeling cold as I pulled them from my pockets to hold my jacket closed. It was so windy, my eyes started to run which made it so much harder to see without tripping up on the cracks in the pavements, or the curbs that I swear moved from under your feet.
It took a little longer then 20 minutes before I walked through my front door. Miliy was running around the house like she was 3, holding up her favourite teddy that Dad had given her, as she made Teddy fly through the nothing-ness of air,

"Hey Lili!" she mumbled, her eyes glued to Teddy as he flew high and low around the room,

"Hey Miliy" I mumbled back, making my feet shuffle into our kitchen. I knew my mum would be in here with questions of being late but I wasn't going to give her answers she wanted,

Our kitchen was a tad smaller then normal, but it still had all the nessisery objects that were needed in a kitchen. My mum when I walked through the door was sitting at the back door, smoking her probably 20th cigarette this afternoon...she got stressed alot from having to look after two girls, even though me and Miliy didn't argue at all.

"Hi Mum" I called silently, hoping she wouldn't hear,

"Hello darling, how was school??" I guess she did hear me this time,

"Was ok I guess" I replied, short answers got me away quicker,

"Well that's good hunny" was her reply. I gazed at her, watched her eyes follow something that was in the tree down the bottom of our garden. I wasn't going to ask what it was but she looked content in gazing at it.

After grabbing a packet of crisps I shuffled out of the kitchen. My bag was starting to get a little heavy so I walked up the stairs, making sure not to interfer with Miliy and Teddy flying around the hall.
My room was the smallest yet had the most space. Mum always moaned when she goes in to get my washing, how un-teenager it is to have such a clean room. Again, I just ignore her about it.
I turn right at the landing and walk towards my new painted, black door. I liked black and gothic stuff, yet I always changed when I was inside my room. The handle was cold when I touched it, making a shiver run up and down my spine as I pushed the door open, searching my four walls for anything different. Nothing could be spotted. The door closed on it's own, I switched on the small light and dropped my bag to the floor,

"Home sweet home I guess..." I whispered to the empty walls around me,

my bed was a double. The lilac cover spread all neat and crease free, like someone had gone around and ironed the whole thing. My music player was on my bedside table, pressing play and walking away towards my chest of drawers. The sound of Muse filling my room felt like heaven in my eyes, Super Massive Black Hole, the one sound that made me feel at ease yet if you listened to it closly, would most likely scare people away.
My feet moved to my bag, picking it up and placing it at the end of my bed, just so I didn't forget it for next week. Fridays were always boring, more boring then any other day of the week...because everyone was out, and then there was me...freaky Lili who sat inside everyday for being scared of the outdoors, well...the people out doors.
I layed across my bed, wishing I could just vanish and by happy again, because being trapped in a non-speech prison was breaking me into so many pieces I had lost count plently a time.
A quiet knock on the door came and I mumbled for them to come in, the result was my mum walking in slowly, her hand wrapping around the other as she watched me,

"Darling, I'm sorry I didn't talk before...I just didn't have my mind on anything" her voice sounded different, but I didn't dare turn around,

"That's ok Mum. Don't worry about it" I mumbled, sighing why I had to be trapped in here,

"Whats the matter darling??...you can talk to me, I won't say a word to anyone, not even Mr Tumbles..." she spoke out, she wanted someone to cry on and I couldn't help but turn over...
And Mr Tumbles is the bear my dad gave her when they started going out at the age of 14...she hasn't left the house since he died, Mr Tumbles being the only safety she's had

"Whats wrong Mum?? You sound like your about to cry" well she did...might as well put it out there,

"Oh I'm sorry...I'm just so tied up with things in my..." she pointed to her head, but her brain not forming the word,

"Head??" I filled in for her, she looked even sadder that I did, "Mum, don't worry about me. School was ok, I didn't get followed back and I didn't get pushed again the floor r my locker again. I'm ok"

her head fell to the floor, right then I knew she wanted to try and be like Dad...but her mind never truely worked right...it was always one step behind then everyone elses,

"I'm sorry" she sighed, walking out and closing the door after her. At times I felt sorry for her...she'd lost my dad and had to rush around after 2 kids, she got sacked from her job because she would always come in tired and sleep on her work desk I can't remember what she did for a living...her mind had been losing itself since Dad went...she forgot once that she was cooking and went to have a shower, when I came home that day there was smoke filling the whole house, luckyly my dad had teached me cooking and I was able to sort it out.
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"Lili, dinner!" Mum called,

I opened my eyes and stretched. Must have fallen asleep again...grrr. Miliy was soon bounding in my room, shouting at me to get up,

"Miliy!" I screamed at her, her footsteps stopping, her eyes staring wide at me, "Just please...stop jumping around" I pinched the bridge of my nose, knowing I was going to have a headache soon,

"Sorry" she mumbled, running out my room,

I sighed out, again wishing I wasn't here and soon pulled myself out of my bed. Walking downstairs I heard my mum and Miliy talking about something, Teddy was across the floor...Miliy must have got bored and left him there, she never cleared up after herself.
The kitchen was cold when I walked in, rubbing my right eye I watched as Mum placed my plate onto my spot, to then sit down slowly. Miliy was beaming at me, and I knew they both wanted me to eat down here instead of coming down, taking my dinner and walking back upstairs...maybe a change for tonight.
I took a seat, their eyes grew wide, but that didn't make me smile I just looked to my dinner and started to eat, them soon understanding I wasn't going to talk, and for them to talk to each other,

"So Miliy, how was school??" Mum asked, Miliy soon finishing her mouth full of food,

"It was awesome Mum! Terry asked me out! And of course I said yes, but I was jumping everywhere. I think he's the one, I really do love him" she stated, I mentally sighed,

"That's amazing darling, what happened to that kind fellow..." I stopped her words but staring at her, shaking my head slowly into telling her without words to stop right there before it kicked off, she took my advice, "I'm sure he's a sweety, when do we get to meet him??"

"Well, he's been busy for a while now...didn't say bye to me today, but I just took it like he didn't want to show his friends he has a girlfriend now. I'll call him after dinner! You can talk to him if you want Mum!" she sqweeled, she was only 14 bless but she would always be like this with new 'boyfriends'

"That's ok sweety, just give me a date he can come around and I'll make sure that day it free" she smiled at Miliy, her eyes sparkling slightly at the happiness Miliy had.

Silence soon filled the room, and when all of the plates were empty, I stood up, walking to the sink and then walked out of the kitchen. My feet moving to my room like they were being pulled to a magnet...inside I just wanted to get away from the happiness my sister was feeling.
I'm a freak to everyone in school. I'm 17 and still haven't kissed one guy. I haven't had a boyfriend once, yet I've always got close to them before them pushing me away...I hate it.
I stared in my mirror, wishing everything I looked like, would be much more perfect then everyone else, to be able to smile without getting dirty looks, walk around freely without being scared of getting pushed over or hit...but that would never happen.
My left eye stood out at me, the slight paleness of it making my skin crawl. My Dad died in a car crash...he was driving with me in the back when a drunk driver crashed into us and killed my Dad instantly...I was left there staring at the reflection of him in the review mirror...his eyes open and staring at nothing, the blood that covered his face from impact. I soon moved my eyes away from his dead face and looked at my own...the sight in my left eye was hazzy, I just thought it was shock but soon after the paramedics had come to help me, took my dad away and drove me to hospital, I found out my eye would always look like this...
I had a scar falling right over it, making the skin around it pull towards the scar...my eye didn't look perfect and I knew it never would. When I opened my eyes the following week morning, I could see clearing out of both eyes...a doctor rushed in and shone a light in my eyes without warning, then explained to me that when I was asleep, Mum had signed for me to have an operation...I had taken a piece of glass away from the sight. It was imbedded at the back where my vison had been blurry...but all they could do was move it away from the main part, making sure I didn't lose sight in it...yet I always remember the horrid picture of Dad's face...I always remember that I've still got a tiny bit of glass in my eye from the crash...that can neither be removed, or be aloud to move.
Miliy could be heard running up the stairs and into her bedroom, her feet rushing around the room...it made my head thud loudly. I breathed in slowly, trying to forget the images from the crash...until I couldn't take it any longer.
I quickly got dressed out of my uniform and pulled on black skinny jeans, a thick jumper ontop of a top that would cover up all of my arms and my stomach. I sat on my bed and pulled on my red converse, I had to get out of here, sorry to my mum and little sister.
Grabbing my coat on the way out, I rushed downstairs and headed to the door, Mum soon poking her head out of the living room door,

"Where you off too darling?? It's really dark outside...maybe you should just..." I shook my head, making her silent,

"I can't Mum, I need to just...I need to get out of here so I don't remember Dad" and with that I pulled the door open before pulling it shut and rushing off into the dark. Wishing I hadn't said that to Mum when I already knew it was a very awkward and touchy subject.