With Words I Thought I'd Never Speak

“And the first thing I asked him, was I going to die.” Nick’s voice echoed throughout the arena, thousands of girls, boys, parents were silent as Nicholas Jonas, once again told his diabetes speech, and as Joe who was standing in the shade, away from the blinding spotlight that was shining on Nick as his fingers gracefully moved from key to key, watched his brother carefully, his eyes only on Nick, there was a look of pure love, that almost every audience member would pass off as the strong family bond they all possessed. He glanced out at the crowd, and from what Joe could see, there wasn’t a dry eye in the arena, but even Joe, who had heard this speech hundreds of times, every time it tugged on his heartstrings, just the idea of a world without Nick, it was alien, weird, almost unbearable.
Joe was brought back from reality as he heard his brother’s voice address him, “Joe, will you show the audience what to do, please?”
To Nick, ‘A Little Bit Longer’ was his personal, private song, that ended up giving hope to thousands, saving lives in cases of depression, helping people who needed it, but in the end it was written by him on a low day, so the song, it was an extremely personal song, and in his mind, it was private, and the only person he ever wanted to share it with was Joe, which is why he always called on Joe, not Kevin.
Kevin didn’t quite understand, well, he never understood this until earlier today, something he didn’t want to think about, never mind talk about.
Joe moved slowly, the guitar strapped around his shoulders felt heavier than normal, and he felt every single pair of eyes staring at him, as he instructed the audience to raise their hands and clap slowly, out of the corner of his eye to the left of him, he saw Kevin still in the shadows, absentmindedly running his fingers up and down the fret of his guitar, waiting for his queue to start playing the melody, he avoided eye contact with Joe, and when he was near Nick it was the same, and right now there was an extremely awkward air between them, but one that couldn’t be seen from the eyes of an audience member, only from both Joe’s and Nick’s eyes.
Inside Joe, a huge part of him wanted to just be finished with the concert so that he could return to the hotel, so that he and Nick could be alone, without the weird looks they now received from Kevin.
Right now, Joe just wanted to hold Nick, and not let him go.
As Kevin and Joe joined together playing guitar, and the song came to a climax, they all ran off stage, hearing the audience scream for the encore, as Joe discarded his guitar, and placed it in it’s case, and while Kevin changed his guitar at the other side of the room, Big Rob appeared in waiting to be called up to join them in singing ‘Burning Up’, but was talking to Kevin, while Joe and Nick shared a more than private glance, which even resulted in a smile spreading slowly across Nick’s lips before they were told to go back on stage, and ‘Rock those people with all you have’

After the silent journey in the back of a car with tinted windows, Joe finally became tired of the awkwardness, “Someone needs to talk.” He announced to both Kevin and Nick, Nick jumped slightly as he had been half asleep beside Joe, his head had been resting on Joe’s shoulder comfortably, adding to the awkwardness in a way and the sudden noise in the previously silent car would have been enough for anyone to jump. Kevin tilted his head to the side, staring at Joe and Nick, “I don’t understand it, it’s wrong, it’s disgusting….most of all it’s weird.” He said, his voice was low so as their driver wouldn’t hear, but his voice had an edge to it, a confused, but also frustrated edge.
As if he wanted to understand, to be excepting of this, but he couldn’t.
After all, if you had have walked in on your two younger brothers making out, how would you react?
Knowing the fact that they always share the same room, their private conversations, the touches in interviews, oh so subtle, but more noticeable now that Kevin knew. The glances, the whispers, everything.
So many thoughts were going through Kevin’s head, so fast, so confusing, he didn’t know what to think, he just couldn’t grasp it, of course, he had totally freaked out, it could have even been described as crazy, but he just didn’t get it, they were brothers.
This was wrong, wasn’t it?
As Nick was about to speak, the car pulled to a stop, and the driver turned in his seat, “Here you go, boys.” He said, a slight smile on his dry, cracked lips, as he nodded his head towards the hotel that they were currently outside of, around ten tired, cold looking girls were standing outside, eagerly awaiting them, wishing to even catch a glance of the oh so famous brothers.
“Thank you.” Nick, Joe and Kevin all said in unison, smiles that could easily be passed as forced and fake by someone who knew them crossed their face, but from this next to near stranger to them, the smiles looked genuine, and it made the driver feel thanked, appreciated.
As the doorman of the Trump International Hotel and Tower opened the car door for the Jonas boys, he nodded his head once as a greeting, getting ready to protect these boys from next to obsessive fans, whom he had found out couldn’t get tickets to the show, as Madison Square Gardens had sold out within minutes, so instead they had the idea that standing outside the hotel would eventually award them a glance at their teen idols, and right now it was one in the morning, and in their exhaustion, and freezing state, they still managed to find the energy to squeal excitedly.
Once again, the forced, fake smiles appeared upon each of the Jonas boy’s lips, and each took out a sharpie from their back pocket, almost at the same time, much to this doorman’s amusement, even though even he thought those smiles were genuine, and had no idea of what was going on inside each of the boy’s heads.
He didn’t know anything.
“Hello girls.” Kevin said, his voice was tired, and his smile didn’t reach his eyes, but they didn’t notice, they just squealed louder, as Kevin, followed by his two brothers approached the small group of girls, ready to sign pictures and take photos, and listen to more squealing.

Over fifteen minutes later, the doorman, with the much needed aid of the concierge saved the guys from the girls, who refused to let them go, until they were forced to, and as soon as they walked through the doors of the hotel, they were greeted by the warmth of the heating, and the comfort of the all too familiar surroundings of the lobby.
Joe and Nick both followed closely behind Kevin, who was heading towards the elevator that would bring them to their floor, and their welcoming rooms.
As soon as the doors of the elevator shut, it was just the three boys, Kevin leaning against one of the sides, whilst Nick and Joe stood close beside each other, sides touching.
“Why?” Kevin breathed, his voice so low, maybe you wouldn’t have been able to hear it, unless you were waiting for any indication of speech from Kevin, like Nick and Joe currently were.
“The same reason you’re attracted to Danielle.” Nick answered, his voice serene and calm.
Joe nodded, almost shyly, “Love.” He said quietly, which was very unlike him.
“You’re Brothers.” Kevin whispered, his voice, although quiet, had a sharp edge to it, which was rare for the normally composed and happy-go-lucky Kevin.
“Should it matter?” Joe asked, he was tired, sweaty, and in desperate need of a shower and a warm bed, one that had Nick in it, and right now, In his current mood, He wasn’t in the mindset to have a conversation like this with Kevin, who most likely, would never fully accept this.
Kevin’s eyes narrowed, “Of course it matters! It’s-it’s illegal, taboo, sick.”
“We aren’t asking for acceptance, from when we realized we had feelings for each other, we knew everybody would think it wrong, but love is love. No one has to know.” Nick said smoothly.
Kevin’s face took on an amused look, “Try telling that to Mom or Dad if they walk in on you two making out!” He hissed, he was keeping his voice low, as if he was afraid, almost paranoid that someone was listening.
“They won’t, we know now to lock the door.” Joe said, although his voice was serious, there was a hint of underlying sarcasm, especially with what he said next, “At least Mom and Dad knock before they enter.”
Kevin’s eyes narrowed, “Well the last thing you expect is to walk in on your two younger brothers on top of each other!”
Nick and Joe stayed silent, at loss of what to say, until Nick took a shaky breath, “We know it freaked you out, but all we ask is that you keep it a secret and try and accept it.” He said quietly.
Kevin sighed, and ran his hand through his hair, “I can promise on the secrecy thing, but it’s going to take a while to get my head around this, to actually accept it.” He mumbled, glancing at the panel by the elevator doors that signalled they only had three more floors to go.
“That’s all we can ask for.” Joe said softly.
Kevin nodded slowly, as his eyebrows knitted together, a curious look on his face, “And what happens if things don’t work out? If you two break up? What will that mean? The end of the band? A family split?” His question hung in the air as the elevator doors opened with a bright ‘ping!’
They all stepped out slowly, beginning to walk down the corridor to their rooms, “We haven’t thought about that, in all honesty, we’d like to think it’s forever.” Joe said shyly, staring down at the floor as he walked beside Nick.
Kevin stopped walking as he reached his door, he stared at the two boys that were now staring shyly at him, he sighed, running his hand through his hair again, “I’ll keep your secret, but…just give me time to get my head around this, please?” he asked, looking at Joe and Nick.
They nodded, “It’s all we ask.”
Kevin forced a light smile, “Night guys, see you tomorrow.” He said, as he opened his room door with his key card.
“Night, Kevin.” Nick and Joe both said in unison, as they turned to walk to their room.

Joe walked out of the en suite, drying his hair with a towel, Nick was waiting to get a shower, and as soon as Joe walked out of the bathroom, shirtless, only wearing old pyjama bottoms, a smile spread across Nick’s face as soon as he caught Joe’s eyes, Joe smiled back, “I think Kevin’s going to be okay, with this.” Joe said quietly, as he watched Nick gather his shower gel and bed clothes from his holdall that contained the majority of his clothes.
“It could have been a lot worse than it was, but I think you’re right.” Nick said lightly, a light smile on his face as he watched Joe dry his hair with the towel, in a way they both felt relieved that Kevin had said he would try and get used to the idea that his two younger brothers were in love, as Nick had said, they both knew it could have been so much worse.

Joe was sitting in bed, staring absentmindedly out their window, down on all the lights of New York City, in a way, he’d always felt at home here, there was something magical about the city, the way it never seemed to sleep, the way there’d always be lights on in most of the office buildings throughout the night, the way the streets were never clear, there was an energy there, and a feeling that if he went outside sometime, he might be able to get around without being recognized, he’d be with Nick of course, they could just be together, nobody would notice, because in all reality, everybody that rushed through the sidewalks of New York City minded their own business.
With that thought in mind, Joe knew he’d love to live here in years to come, once the fame had died down a bit, he’d want to act, of course, but when he wasn’t in L.A. he’d want to live in New York.
“Hey there.” Nick’s voice brought Joe out of his reverie, as he slid into bed beside Joe, moving close to him, he smelled of strawberries, and his hair was still wet from the shower, but he was pale, and there were black circles under Nick’s eyes, Joe glanced at the clock, it was after two A.M. but they had both found that for hours later the adrenaline of performing a show coursed through their veins for hours later, and they both knew that they wouldn’t be falling asleep anytime soon, even though they were both tired, in a way.
Nick pressed his lips to Joe’s, out of the blue, shocking Joe a little, but he relaxed against Nick, and kissed him back with all he had, his hands moved up Nick’s back and tangled in his hair, running through the curls, tongues touching, it’s a surprise they both could still breathe.
Joe, who in the last five minutes had ended up on top of Nick, pulled away from Nick, taking a few deep breaths, and trying to slow his heart rate down, Nick was smiling fondly at Joe from under his lashes, just staring at his features lovingly.
Joe moved, so that he was lying at Nick’s side, and wrapped an arm around Nick’s waist, Nick who was now facing Joe, just watched him compose himself, perfectly happy with being where he was right now, right beside Joe.
Joe stared at Nick, for a few seconds, as though he was about to say something important, but thinking of the right way to say it.
Nick just continued to stare at Joe intently, knowing that if he was going to say something, he would say it in his own time.
“Nick?” Joe whispered, his voice sounding nervous.
“Yeah, Joe?” Nick asked, confused.
“I love you.” Joe said quietly, looking Nick in the eyes as he said the words he’d never said before, let alone, ever thought he’d say it. He'd never planned on falling in love with his brother, it just ind of happened.
‘Cause I see you lying next to me, with words I thought I’d never speak, awake and unafraid.
Nick just stared at Joe, his eyes wider than before, in awe, a smile was spreading across his lips, as his heart sped up, “Joe.” Nick breathed, “I love you too, so much.” He whispered, before pulling Joe closer to him, and crushing their lips together , in what can only be called a passionate kiss.