Lying in the Shadows to Syn with a Vengeance under The Reverand and Christ our Lord

I closed my eyes, and concentrated on the sound of the preacher’s voice. Even the monotone sound was better than hearing my own thoughts. Once my thoughts finally broke through that, I concentrated on the feel of Brian’s hand in mine. Then the crying of all Jimmy’s loved ones around me, but that only made it worse until it became too much and I had to run out of the church. I didn’t stop running until I was shaking so bad I couldn’t move. The sobs wracked my body so hard that it felt like an earthquake. I heard the church door close behind me, and I looked to see McKenzie standing there, looking at me through red puffy eyes.

“I miss him.” I sobbed.

“We all do.” She cried holding me.

We let go of each other and sat down against the church. No matter how hard I tried to act
like it was Christmas Eve and I was here for the service I couldn’t. I don’t think I could ever
go in this church ever again without thinking of Jimmy. I know this was so much harder for
Leanna then it was for me, but I just wasn’t as strong as her. The church doors opened, and
Brian and Zack stood there holding the doors open for us indicating it was time for our last
goodbyes.

As hard as this was going to be, I knew I had to put on a brave face and pay my last
respects. It was the last thing I could do for him and it was nowhere near as much as he
deserved. I took Brian’s outstretched hand, and we followed McKenzie and Zack to the
coffin.

As we approached I saw Jimmy in his suit and tears flowed again. I placed a kiss on his
forehead as my final goodbye.

And that’s when I woke up in tears. I had stayed in my own apartment for once, instead of
Brian’s house. We both needed a break. Everything was so strained with the stress of
Jimmy’s loss, despite the fact that it had been a year since then. We had been fighting
constantly, when it only seemed to bring McKenzie and Zacky closer. I got up, and slowly
walked to the window in my sweatpants and tank top. I propped my arm above my head, as I
stared out the window, at the beach.

I closed my eyes and let a few tears slip out. I imagined Jimmy watching us from Heaven,
where he belonged.

“Angels shouldn’t cry.” I quiet voice drifted from the door and I turned to see Brian standing
there.

I shook my head, and ran to him, throwing myself into his arms. He led me to the bed and I
felt him tighten his arms around me as he pulled me into his lap. I hugged him around the
neck, and cried into his chest to prolong this moment until the next time we fought.

My lip quivered and I gasped for air. When I was finally done crying we were in a laying
position and Brian’s arms still encircled me.

“Better?” He whispered.

I nodded silently and rubbed my sore eyes. He reached up and cupped my face, under the
chin, and used his thumbs to wipe the streams of tears off my face.

“I love you.” He whispered.

“I love you.” I replied, cuddling into his side.

We laid there awake all night long, just holding onto each other, occasionally whispering
sweet nothings. We did this sometimes. We’d end up going to the other’s housein the
middle of the night, and we’d lay together, and fight again in the morning, and there was no
reason for me to think that this time would be any different.

For now I would cherish this moment, and I looked out the window and silently prayed to
God, and Jimmy. Both being equally important to me.

“I miss him.” I whispered.

“We all do.” He whispered back, just like in my dream.

I squeezed his waist tighter and kissed his shoulder. I ran my fingers across his chest
soothingly and I felt him shiver under my touch.

He kissed the top of my head twice and nuzzled my hair. I closed my eyes for a brief
moment, and when I opened them, Jimmy stood on the opposite side of the bed. I jumped,
but kept my mouth shut by biting my lip. His blue eyes stared down at me without the usual
sparkle of laughter, but instead they were filled with painful sorrow. I whimpered a little bit,
and I felt Brian tighten his arm just a tad bit.

He must have already fallen asleep. I slowly pulled myself out of his arms carefully, and
nodded slightly for Jimmy to come with me.

“I told myself I wasn’t gonna help anymore. You know that.” I whispered, as we entered my
balcony.

“I know. I know, but. . .I’ve been walking around not having anyone to talk to for the past year.
If I could’ve thought of anyone else to help me. . .don’t you think I would’ve? I don’t wanna be
a burden on you, at all, but you’re the only one that can help me. Please, Jess.” He begged.

“Jimmy, you’re no burden. I love you. I love having you around. You’re like my big brother, but
sometimes people catch me talking to nobody. . .and they think I’m crazy.”

“I was crazy.” He comforted me.

“The real crazy, Jimmy. Psych ward crazy.” I said, half smiling.

“But you’re not. I know it, you know it, and McKenzie knows it. That’s all that matters.”

“Brian doesn’t know it.” I whispered.

“He would believe you.”

“Haven’t you seen us at all lately? We’re not the same couple we were when you were
around. We’re all so stressed out and angry that all we do is fight. Jimmy, he might
seriously think I’m crazy.”

He looked at me solemnly and shook his head, before extending his arms for a hug. I
slowly wrapped my arms around his slightly translucent waist and laid my head on his
chest. I closed my eyes and more tears slipped out as his familiar scent filled my nostrils.
I’d almost forgotten it completely.

“Jess?” McKenzie called out heading towards the bedroom.

I ran inside, and waved her to the balcony.