Have a Shot For Me?

When a light goes out in our lives we never really know how to respond. But what if this light was the Sun? For Leana, that's what Jimmy was. A warm, shining light with energy and life to spare. A man that had such a pure spirit, being around him would make your life worth living.

Leana walked from room to room in the house she shared with her husband in a foggy daze, the rest of the members of Avenged Sevenfold were downstairs in the living room, crying. As much as she wanted to, Leana couldn't go down to see them. All she wanted was to be in the arms of Jimmy, to feel the rumble in his chest as he laughed and talked. She tried to avoid going into their bedroom, seeing his clothes lying on the floor waiting to be filled would break her heart.

However an undeniably strong urge to be surrounded by him caused her to cave. Outside the room she felt a flutter of nerves fill her stomach. She pushed the door open gently, not wanting to disturb anything in the room. The first thing that caught her attention was the lack of noise. Leaning against the door's frame she could practically see her Jimmy plucking clothes from their closet, unable to find something that would "work" and singing a funny song to make her laugh.

The image of Jimmy, that was barely out of reach smiled at her. His scent lingered around her, bringing tears to her bloodshot eyes.

Stay strong. she told herself, fighting her emotions.

Leana walked over to the bathroom connected to the bedroom and was hit by another wave of heartbreak. The hazy image of her husband from her memory, danced around on the tile of the restroom. His products for his hair littered the counter space in front of the mirrors. A ghost of a smile played on her lips as she saw Jimmy struggle with his contacts, poking himself in the eye before quitting and putting his glasses on. The tall man in the mirror next to her, was putting a thick layer of eyeliner on before a night out barhopping.

"Le, you don't have to be here." a woman's soft voice, broke the silence and Leana's trance. The images of Jimmy disappeared as soon as she wasn't alone. Leana turned around to see Val in the doorway, eyes red and teary. Leana was sitting on the edge of the large bathtub.

"I know I don't have to be.... but I want to." her voice was rough from the suppressed grief. Her arms wound around herself, a poor substitute for those skinny arms she longed for. "The guys want to make sure you're ok." Val spoke again, crossing the room to sit beside her friend. Leana couldn't help but look at Val's sparkly wedding ring and feel a twinge of envy. Her husband was here, he could laugh and talk and hold her. He was alive.

"He's gone. Jimmy... really isn't here." Leana said matter-of-factly. Finally letting the words sink in. Allowing herself to feel. A fresh pair of arms hugged her immediately but again it wasn't the ones she wanted. Needed like air when you're suffocating. Val was hugging her tightly and despite her need for comfort, Leana delicately pulled away. "Oh honey, I know how you feel." Val whispered, wiping a tear off her friends face.

Leana's brows furrowed in real confusion. She didn't know. Her Sun, her reason for everything was gone. Leana shook her head not understanding the madness around her, feeling the pain yet not. "That's just it Val, you don't know. My husband is gone, he was taken way too early."

Valary, taken aback by the bitterness her friend had never shown, paused in her tears. "Matt is here! Matt can hold you and tell you he loves you! My Jimmy.... Jesus my Jimmy...... my Jimmy." Leana had reached her limit. Her heart was breaking and would continue to do so everyday her light was gone. Val made a move to hug her again yet this time she was hesitant. when Leana made no point of pushing her away, Val wove her arms around the woman next to her, who was crying harder than anyone.

Downstairs, the four members of Avenged Sevenfold sat huddled together, scared they wouldn't get another chance to remind each other that they were loved. The girlfriend's held hands to show their unity. Nobody spoke much just a muffled "Jim" every now and again. It was Zack who broke the bond first, holding onto his brothers . "We have to let the fans know...They loved him too." All of his band mates nodded solemnly.

Leana, crippled by her sobs, clung to Val tighter than ever. It wasn't until she felt the warmth within her did she really stop. For this warmth was more familiar than even Val's touch. Leana knew, then and there that Jimmy was letting her know that he was there. "Val? Can- can I have a m-minute for myself?" Leana sniffled hopefully. Val nodded at once and kissed her friend's tear stained cheek. "I'll be downstairs, honey."

At the sound of the door shutting, Leana smiled weakly. "OK Jim. I know you're here for me. I would offer myself as a sacrifice for you... to come back... I know you know that." The heat in her rose, confirming her words. "I already miss you so damn much... how the hell am I supposed to live without ya?" she asked softly, the cold numbness fought hard against the power of the Sun.

The image of Jimmy found its way back to her, he kneeled in front of her, a rare frown on his radiant face. "You'll make it through. You're a strong woman." his voice was muted but loud in her ears, the essence of him sort of glowed, not entirely surprising her. " I see you.....I love you." she said, quietly, trying to smile like how he loved. He noticed and for a moment the frown was gone, replaced by the most glorious smile.

"I love you. I'll be watching out for you and the guys." he touched her cheek, the haze moving smoothly around him, she let the fire coming from his hand spread. "Will I see you again?"

His smile dimmed but didn't fade. "Not always directly but yes. I'll give you a sign." He turned his head slightly like he was being called. Longing returned to his eyes. Leana understood, he had another home now. He would be taken care of. "I love you. Tell the guys I love them too and that they need to have a shot for me on New Years. Tell them they'll make it through." he smiled brightly again, only his voice was fading from Leana's ears now.

"I love you and I'll tell them." she reached out for him but he was gone, his light and smile was all that was left when she closed her eyes.....