Weaving Destinies

I frowned as I remembered Julia’s last words to me. Did she say that I would be safe with Alec or safe from him? The latter made more sense, but I distinctly remembered her saying the first one.

I found myself running blindly back to the city. I wasn’t sure how I managed to get here since we had been driving in the opposite direction of downtown Louisville, but I shrugged it off and figured that I simply had a terrible sense of direction. I ducked into an alley and beginning weaving my way through the network of backstreets in the city.

Suddenly, Alec’s voice rang out from close behind me.

“Faith, this is pointless. You cannot escape your fate,” he said. I shivered and tried not to stop. I heard him drawing closer as I ran into another alley. It was a dead end. I whirled around and came face to face with Alec.

This was the end. I felt it inside, like a thorn in my stomach, twisting around and nearly making me retch. I breathed heavily, the air in my lungs coming out in short, quiet cries of fear. I stumbled backwards against a wall and leaned against it, dropping the bag. Alec came closer, and as he did, I started to weep.

I deserved this. I knew I did. I deserved every bit of it. This was only karma, coming for me at last. If only Sophie could see me now. If only Lucas and Kiyoshi and Johan knew. If only Madison…

I cried out in actual physical pain. It felt like a clawed hand was squeezing my heart as hot tears spilled from my eyes. That’s what everyone was trying to tell me. I shouldn’t fight this. Justice would finally be served. This was payment for what I had done.

All at once, Alec was there. He gently touched my arm.

“Faith, please,” he whispered in my ear. “I never meant to hurt you. Why are you like this?”

“Why shouldn’t I be?” I choked out between sobs, beads of sweat starting to appear on my forehead. It didn’t matter at all. I didn’t have anything to lose anyways. Kiyoshi was my only friend. I had no future. I would never get into college, and no one would want to hire me. My life had ended last year. I wished that I had literally died, but that would be too easy. I needed to suffer for what I had done.

I had already tried and failed to kill myself last year. I had carefully made a loop with my belt around my neck and shoved one end in the top of the door. I stood on a chair, ready to step off and smiling for the first time in weeks. I was certain that I was doing the right thing. I would finally be out of pain, and I knew that everyone would be happier once I was dead.

Mom had just happened to come home early from work. They sent me right back to the hospital, but even then, there had been no sympathy. The hospital psychiatrist had looked at me like he wished I had succeeded.

Alec let go of my arm and stepped back a little. His eyes were confused and hurt. Finally, he picked me up and took me back to the portal. I didn’t even have the energy to fight him.

Alec stepped through the silvery surface of the portal and entered Torm. He carried me through the forest, up the hill, and into the castle past the crowds of excited people. Once inside, he took me to a room with a few wooden chairs inside. He put me down in one of the chairs and began to pace in front of me.

“You do realize that you could be killed for your actions,” Alec finally said after pacing for what seemed like hours. I simply stared at the ground, not wanting to meet his eyes. He sighed and said, “I suppose if I pull a few strings, then I could arrange for the death penalty to be lifted.”

At this, I looked up and glared at him with all of my exhausted fury, trying to convey every ounce of hatred that I felt for him. His words were more painful than he could even imagine.

Alec stopped pacing and knelt by my side.

“Listen, I am going to speak with my parents and see what I can do. I know you have no reason to trust me, but I want you to believe me when I say that I will do everything possible to ensure your happiness,” he said kindly. I looked away.

With another heavy sigh, Alec left the room and closed the door behind him.

I had met Julia Elgin at the start of the summer. I was with my parents at her office, and the air was sticky and humid. My hair was still pretty short, but it stuck to the back of my neck.

“Hello. It’s nice to meet you,” the tall, serious woman smiled, shaking my hand. “And please, call me Julia.”

She reviewed everything with my parents but soon asked them to leave. They looked startled, but they followed her instructions and went to the waiting room at the front of the building.

“Livvy, I know that this has been very hard on you, but if you will let me help you, you can get through this,” Julia said, looking straight into my eyes. “But that’s all I can do. I can only help you if you let me, but I certainly can’t make you smile again. You’ll have to do this yourself. It’s a long, difficult journey, but it’s one that gets better with every step.”

“What do you know?” I asked, glaring at her. “I’m going to have to live with this every day of my life. Do you have any idea what that’s like?”

“No,” Julia admitted. “No one can ever feel another’s pain, but I will do my best to understand. Take your time to heal, but keep moving forward. Once you stop to wallow in self-pity or self-hatred, you risk getting stuck.”

I met with Julia three times a week at first, which I understood was unusual.

“Yours is an unusual case,” Julia only shrugged when I mentioned it. Slowly, our sessions were fewer and farther between, but I still met with her once a week on Saturday mornings. It felt like she was the only one holding me together, keeping me from going completely insane with grief, and now there was a chance that I would never see her again.

My torture had truly begun.