Did We All Fall Down?

*Frank's POV*

It was all so perfect. The way he trailed his kisses down my chest, slowly pulling my shirt up as he went.... Gee's big beautiful eyes stared into mine. We just lay there, basking in the glow of each other.

"God, I love you, Gee." I whispered into his ear. He smiled tenderly.

"I love y-- "

A car horn blared outside the window and I woke up immediately. The same dream, night after night. And night after night, somehow I woke up before he could say the words I was dying to hear. I sighed, grabbed my blanket and threw it over my head, willing myself to fall back asleep. Willing myself to finish my fantasy. But of course, who can decide what they dream?

*Gerard's POV*

"Are you still coming over?" Lavender's voice said out of the cell phone.

"Yeah, Baby. I'm on my way. I should be there in a few minutes." I said.

"Alright, I'll see you soon." she hung up. I snapped the phone shut and continued my drive to her apartment. I flipped through all the radio stations, there was nothing I wanted to listen to. I turned it off and began to sing:

"Mama, we all go to hell,
Mama we all go to hell,
I'm writing this letter
and wishing you well,
Mama we all go to hell."

One last right turn and I was at Lavender's apartment building. I parked and walked into the lobby.
We've been dating for about a year and a half now and we still haven't exchanged house keys, I thought to myself as I buzzed her apartment number.

"Who is it?" Her voice sounded nasal and scratchy through the speaker.

"Who do you think?" I asked playfully.

The door unlocked and I walked through, with a slightly apprehensive feeling in the pit of my stomach. I ran up the the stairs to her floor and rapped my knuckles quickly on the door. It swung open and we were face to face. I leaned in to kiss her but she turned around and sat down in the living room. I locked up and followed her inside. It was odd, her normally brightly lit apartment was dark and gloomy.

I carefully sat down next to her. She twitched and inched away. Her pale face looked cold and hard. Nothing like her usual warm, relaxed self. She bit her lip and looked at the gray carpet at our feet.

"Lav, what's wrong?" I asked softly. She finally looked at me. Her blue eyes looked sad, yet determined.

"Gee, I want to break up." she said quickly. We both sat in silence for a moment.

"Can I ask why?"

She sighed. "Of course. I -- I feel like we're not going anywhere. You're always busy with the band, which I understand... but I want more time with you. And lately you just seem kinda distant. I'd like to stay friends, but -- "

"Where is this coming from?" I asked, "I seem distant? Lately you seem like you're off in a different world. I mean, why do you all of a sudden want to break up? Aren't we supposed to talk stuff out before one of us decides to quit? I-I just don't get this..." I trailed off.

The part of all this that was upsetting me most was that I wasn't all that upset. I love Lavender. Why else would I invest myself in a serious relationship with her for over a year?
'Invest?' 'Serious relationship?' It sounds like I'm trying to convince myself that I want her. And I'm not even managing it. No wonder she wants to leave me. If I don't believe myself there's no way she could when I say "I love you."

"Lavender, why do you really want to break up? What you said is reasonable, but I know you... you tend not to be able to say what you're really feeling." I said gently.

Her head snapped to look at me, and her features became even more hardened, if possible. She stood up and took a deep breath. I realized I shouldn't have said anything.

"Oh, I don't say what I'm really feeling?! Well, Gerard, I really do wanna break up. So believe me when I say it. I can tell that you don't really love me. And guess what? I can tell that you're practically relieved that I'm finally ending it. We've been together for so long without saying anything meaningful that I-I think me ending it is the most we've talked in a year!" she fumed. I looked up into her eyes and she seemed to soften a bit.

"Gee, I care about you but I can't do this anymore. It's over. And I, to be honest, I met up with John, my ex..."

"Yeah, okay, I've heard enough... I hope you and John have a great time together. I hope you guys can talk to each other, so you don't end up like us. And I hope... " I was at a complete loss for words. She had hit the nail on the head; 'I can tell that you don't really love me. And guess what? I can tell that you're practically relieved that I'm finally ending it.'
And truth be told, I couldn't really blame her for hooking up with her ex. We had just been going through the motions, working an empty relationship.

"I'm sorry. I am. I really do hope you guys are happy together." I attempted to smile. She just stared at me. I had no idea what she was thinking or feeling, I had never known.
I opened the door and left.

I ran back to the car, shoved the key in the ignition and drove aimlessly. I would end up home eventually. I began to sing quietly.

"I don't love you,
Like I did,
Yesterday..."