Did We All Fall Down?

*Lavender's POV*

I turned on the radio and burst out laughing as I realized what song was being played. Gerard's powerful vocals shot into my ears.

"You sing the words but don't know what it means
To be a joke and look, another line without a hook,
I held you close as we both shook,
For the last time, take a good hard look

I'm not okay,
I'm not okay,
I'm not oka--"

My laughter died away and I turned the radio off, suddenly realizing just how much those lyrics meant to me, right at that moment. I held you close as we both shook... Suddenly the intercom buzzed. I walked over to it, pressing a button.

"Who is it?" I asked. For a second I flashed to that night -- with John on the intercom, pretending to be Gerard -- I quickly shook the thought from my head.

"It's Katie!" my sister said excitedly.

"Come on up," I said as I pressed the button that unlocked the entrance door downstairs. A moment later I heard rapid knocking on my door.

You are waaay too hyper, Katie. I thought, slightly annoyed, as I opened the door. She bounded forward, curly chocolate locks bouncing out behind her, and grabbed me in a hug.

"Uh, hi," I said, finally returning the hug after a few seconds of standing still from shock. She let go and grabbed the bags that were behind her in the hall. She had never greeted me with such... zeal. Is she on drugs? I wondered silently. She had always been the reserved one in the family. My parents and I called her 'our little New Englander.'

"Is... something wrong?" I asked (thinking it was ironic that I was asking this particular question).

"I've had an epiphany," she said simply.

"...An epiphany?" I asked skeptically.

"Yup. I finally realized something. I'm never gonna get close to anyone if I keep myself at a distance the way I have all my life!" she said without in one excited breath.

Wow, that's absolutely brill, Katie. Who'd have thought of that? A pang of guilt hit me as I realized how mean I was being to her, if only in my thoughts.

"That's great." I said, trying to shake off the annoyance I felt. She looked into my eyes and her smile faded slightly. She grabbed me in another hug. A gentle one, not the spazzy greeting of a moment ago.

"What's wrong?" she asked. My eyes widened a bit. How did she know? Was I that transparent? I knew that I had to tell her. And I knew if I brushed it off now, it would just be harder to tell her later. I took her by the wrist and together we sat down on the couch. Her eyes were filled with concern. I took a deep breath and just spat it out.

"I was raped and now I'm pregnant." Katie simply stared at me in disbelief for a moment.

"Please tell me that's a really bad joke?" she asked, a pleading note in her voice. I shook my head.

"Oh God." She grabbed me in yet another hug. But this time I really didn't mind. This was the first time I could remember that we had actually acted like sisters. I sighed and relaxed in her arms.

"When did it happen?" she asked quietly.

"About two months ago." I murmured.

"Why didn't you tell us?" I shrugged, I really didn't have a logical answer for not telling my family. She nodded understandingly. Even though I knew she didn't really understand, I appreciated her letting it go.

"Are you keeping the baby?"

"Yeah," I smiled slightly. Katie tried to smile as well, but the shock of it all wouldn't let her.

"I've just started the crazy craving phase. Thankfully, it hasn't been really weird stuff like pickle and peanut butter sammiches --"

"Sammich?"

I frowned a bit, "Gerard calls sandwiches that, I never realized I picked up that habit."

"...Was he the one that --"

"Oh God, no! He was attacked by John too, he was really badly beaten." I realized I had to fill her in on who John was, and began to speak again. It was so tiring, having to explain everything, but I wanted to confide in my sister so I pushed ahead.

"I had met John before Gerard, we had dated for a little while, then he broke it off. Then, Gerard and I dated for a year and a half. I saw John again a couple of months ago. He said he really missed me. Those feelings I had for him started rushing back. So, I ended it with Gerard. And not just because I thought it would go better with someone else but because there was no real emotion between us." I sighed.

"I know, I'm not making much sense.... Just kind of rambling...."

"It's okay, I think I understood most of it." She smiled, "So anyway, what are these cravings you've been having, if not nasty-ass peanut butter-pickle 'sammiches'?" We both burst out laughing. And I couldn't help but think that her visit was going to be a lot better than I had anticipated.