Loosing Hope; Gaining a Melody

Freshman Year

September

He can’t approach her. Rian knows that; she is out of his league. He watches her move fluidly through the throng of students, her headphones plugged in and her messenger bag swinging against her leg. The girl reaches to brush a lock of flaxen hair from her face as she brushs past him, and Rian feels faint at the scent of her perfume. It smells of oranges and vanilla and her. Rian knows what love feels like, now.

October

It’s the Homecoming game, and Rian is standing in the field with the other members of the marching band, his snare drum strapped around his neck. The choir enters the field single file, and Rian instantly rolls his eyes. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the choir; he just wasn’t a fan of the director…or the singers. Rian rocks back on his heels, preparing to be bored out of his mind instead of feeling patriotic as he should.

“And now, please welcome the Dulaney Advanced Chorus as they perform the national anthem!” the sports announcer shouts as the stands erupts in applause. Jason, his best friend, elbows him slightly and rolls his eyes.

“This is going to suck,” Jason smirks. “I mean, c’mon, our choir sucks, man!”

"We seriously need to get some better singers,” Rian agrees. “I mean, we’re freshman and we know it sucks.”

“…And the rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air, gave proof through the night that our flag was still there..."

Rian is dumbstruck. There, standing less than fifty feet away is his angel, his gorgeous vision in blue jeans and a sports jacket, singing with a voice purer than any celestial being. All around her is a glow, a glow of perfection and beauty and amazingness.

Suddenly, the choir didn’t seem to suck as much as he had thought.

November

The first time he ever really talks to her is the day before Thanksgiving break. He, Alex, Jack, and one of Alex’s friends David are standing in a circle outside on the school steps, fooling around and shoving each other. Rian gives Jack a rather sharp push, and he goes stumbling into a girl, sending the papers in her hands flying and her red and gold striped scarf to tumble from her neck.

Jack quickly runs around, gathering the papers as the girl sits in a puddle of mud and slush, remainders of the dusting of snow they received last night. Rian can’t help but feel responsible as he rushes to Jack’s aide. One particular stack of papers are soggy, but he knows through experience that if he brushed them off with the back of his hand, most of the mud will be scrapped clean and the papers—although brown—will be as good as new.

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry,” Jack is blabbering; thrusting what Rian now recognizes as sheet music into the girls arms, while David and Alex help her stand. And instantly, Rian’s face turns sheet white as he stares at her, his soul mate.

“It’s fine,” she growls, snatching both her arms and her music from their grip, quickly shuffling them to fit in a neat stack. She lifts her head, her startling green eyes meeting Rian’s, and lets the corner of her mouth curl. “Can I have my music back, please?”

“I…uh...you...um…”

“Here you go,” Alex smirks, tearing the scores from Rian’s clammy hands and handing them to her with a tiny bow. “Sorry about him, he just gets nervous around pretty girls.”

“Thank you,” she nods, ignoring the comment. Rian can’t help but scowl, she’s going to fall for Alex, they all do.

“So, you’re in the choir, right?” Alex asks, pulling out all the stoppers for his charm. She looks up, and Rian groans as a smile graces her face.

“Yeah, I am,” she answers, still struggling to fix the papers. Rian wants to go to her, to help her and be close to her. “Are you thinking of going out for it?”

“I would love to!” Alex lies. “However, I’m in this band, see, and it takes up most of my time. I’m the singer, you know.”

“Are you now?” She arches one brow perfectly over those sea green eyes. “That’s really cool. I wish I had the voice for rock music, but sadly I can only sing jazz and show tunes.”

Rian honestly doesn’t see the problem with this, but he can tell that David and Jack are holding back comments about Little Orphan Annie. Alex, however, just looks, if possible, even more smitten.

“Anyways, thank you for rescuing my papers,” she smiles as she looks down at her gloved hands. She turns back to Rian, offering her smile like cupid’s arrow to piece his heart. “And thank you, for getting the mud off them. Good luck with your band!”

She leaves, not noticing how she managed to further drown Rian in her spell, or that Alex was now staring after her, or that her Hogwarts themed scarf was lying in the snow. Rian sneaks the scarf into his backpack, and although he will never admit it, has it living in a box on the top left shelf of his closet.

February

He doesn’t run into her again until Valentine’s Day, and when he does he doesn’t like what he sees. She’s pressed up against her locker, talking to an upper classman and holding a single red rose in her hands, and blushing. The junior leans in closer, closer, closer—

Rian pushes through the crowd, trying to bite back the sudden urge to grab the Junior by the back of the shirt and rip his lips off his girl. He instead chooses to sulk in the bathroom until Jack threatens to pull him out from under the stall by his ankle.

April

It’s the Spring Dance, and Rian is standing in the corner with a cup of too-sweet punch clutched in his hand. Jack has dragged a friend of his—Zack—to the dance in the hopes that Alex will like him enough to join their garage band. So far, Alex is too absorbed in the girls.
Alex had come to the dance with Lesley-the-blonde-in-his-Spanish-class, and had already ditched her for another. Now he’s grinding with another chick, his hands wrapped around her waist.

Rian can’t help but feel jealous. There he was, all alone, and there Alex was, off dancing with a girl. Meanwhile, the only girl he wants to be with is too busy dancing by herself to notice.

She came with a group of friends and her junior boyfriend, but they had all melted into the woodwork, leaving her alone on the dance floor. Not that she seems to care.

No, she was moving fluidly with the music, her hands above her head and her feet rocking in time to the beat. Rian then notices he’s not the only one staring.

Alex approaches her, and asks her to dance. All the way in the corner, Rian can hear her embarrassed giggle, and he groans inside. His chances with her fly out the window as soon as she shrugs and says yes.

Three minutes and forty-one seconds later (Not that Rian counted), she lets go of Alex’s neck and leaves him stranded on the dance floor. Alex stares after he, and then finds the balls to follow. Rian stealthily follows, hoping to hear her turn him down.

“—I’m really sorry, but I’m in a relationship,” he hears her say. “I think you’re really great, but I can’t do that to Tommy.”

“Then what was with the dance? What was that about?” Alex spits out, trying not to seem weak.

“Alex, listen, you really are a great guy, but I can’t be with someone like you.”

“Like me?”

“You care more for your band than anyone else, which is really great. You know exactly what you want, and you’re always going to get it, whether it’s fame or a girl. You pretend like you’re tough and nothing can touch you, but deep down, you’re a marshmallow. Alex, I need someone who is looking for me, and just me; someone who is willing to be there for me when I need him, and won’t leave me when he gets bored. I know that this is just a phase you’re going through, and that you aren’t a party boy, you’re just lost. And I know you’re scared,” she says, reaching out to brush her hand against Alex’s face.

“I’m not scared,” Alex tries to deny, but Rian can see his face from here, and it’s the same face Alex made when they watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

“It’s okay,” Rian hears before deciding to turn back. He knows that whatever she says is private, not for his ears, and something he should have never stumbled upon. Backing away, Rian turns his back on their conversation and heads back into the dance hall, feeling ecstatic that she didn’t fall for Alex, but at the same time guilty for pining over a taken girl who turned down his best friend.

When Alex returns to the gym, he looks…relieved. She enters behind him, a small frown on her face. However, when she catches Alex’s eye, she smiles, and although it’s tentative, Alex smiles back in response. Rian sips his punch carefully, watching her move back over to her friends and take her boyfriend’s—Tommy—hand.

Alex never admits what happened that night at the dance, and Rian never admits that he heard it. But Alex’s crush on her fades, and he eventually gets together with Lesley-the-blonde-from-his-Spanish-class and focuses more on the band. Every now and then Rian will catch Alex staring at her, but instead of the lusty twinkle that used to fog his gaze, it’s filled with admiration, admiration for the one girl that was able to see through him.

Rian is happy his friend changed, but is more happy that she dumped Junior Tommy the day after the dance. He kind of wants to hug Alex.

Sophomore Year

October

Alex throws a Halloween party, and Rian decides to go dressed as a prisoner. He’s currently standing in front of the drink table, trying to make it look like he’s actually drinking, when he smells it. It’s her perfume, the scent he’d recognize anywhere.

“Excuse me,” she grins, stepping in front of him and grabbing a Coke from the cooler. Rian nods, trying to swallow through his dry throat and ignore how fantastic she looks dressed as a flapper. “Hey, don’t you play drums in the marching band?”

Rian looks up, shocked. He tries to speak, tries to make the words come out, but he’s frozen. C’mon, man, speak, damnit! This is your chance at her! Speak, or I swear to god, you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life!

“I like your dress.”

Rian wants to kill himself. Here it was, his one and only chance to make her like him, to get her to laugh, and smile, and speak to him. And he blows it with a four word sentence.

Backtrack, man, cover it up and say something smart in response!

“I mean, I think it’s uh…you look…I…”

“Thank you,” she smiles, cutting off his random babble. “I like your costume, it’s really sick. Did you make the mug shot sign yourself?”

The rest of their conversation is short, and Rian himself forgets what she says later, but it’s a step forward.

January

Rian comes back to school with a new resolution: talk to her. However, he forgets that schedules would be changed, and that the principle has a vendetta against all love sick teenagers in their quests to get the girl. His mom says he’s being overly dramatic.

January passes by, and Rian never gets the chance to talk to her. And then, things start to look better.

February

Rian has forgotten all about choir girl, because now he has Janet, a brilliant brunet that is her exact opposite. She’s flirty, can’t sing, doesn’t have legs that go on for miles, nor does she smell like perfection. But she likes him, and Rian likes her back.

Rian still runs into her, but instead of getting the sudden drop of his stomach and the urge to vomit, he just feels…lost. He can’t really describe it, but each time he’s holding Janet’s hand and she walks by, Rian has to glance around at his surroundings just to make sure he’s still there.

May

Rian makes it until May with Janet, and then decides he can’t do. He can’t commit himself to a relationship where he is more infatuated with the idea of a person then an actual girl. Janet takes it like a man, not crying until she’s away and not asking questions. When she’s gone, Rian moves up to his room and pulls down a shoebox.

Inside is a red and gold scarf, the scent of vanilla and oranges. Although he never actually did anything, Rian can’t help but feel like he cheated on Janet.

Junior Year

August

Rian runs into her at the stationary store as they both reach for the same binder. His hand brushes hers, and he can feel the electricity shooting up his vines. They pull away at the same time, and he looks up at her, nervous.

She’s smiling, a tiny giggle spilling from her lips. Rian grins back, and hastily shoves it towards her. They talk briefly—more an argument over who should get the binder—before she finally gives in and takes it. Rian opens his mouth to speak, but someone calls for her. She turns, waves, and then bids him goodbye as she runs to a man, the binder clutched in her hands.

Rian glances down, and shakes his head. As disappointed as he is, he isn’t crushed like he was when he saw her with the junior.

December

It’s freezing. Snow has blanketed all of Baltimore, and Rian is stuck outside after finals the friday before Christmas break, freezing his ass off and wishing his mother would hurry up and come get him. His dad’s car broke down, so he was borrowing Rian’s until it was fixed. This meant his mother had to drive him everywhere, and Rian was not pleased. It’s at least negative three degrees, and he really wishes that he is in California where it was sunny and warm.

“Hey, Drummer Boy!”

Rian jumps at least five feet in the air, and turns towards the noise. He manages to spot a car parked in front of him, a familiar head poking out of the passenger window. Rian points to himself, shocked.

“Yeah, you! Do you need a ride?”

Rian nods, not believing his luck. Gathering up his backpack, he practically sprints to the car, awaiting heat and companionship. He managed to crawl numbly into the front seat, shivering from the sudden change of temperature.

“What happened, forgot your car?” she teases, turning the heat up further. Rian turned towards her and stuttered out, “My mom drove me.”

She giggled, her laugh like tiny bells. Glancing once to Rian, she scratches her goldenrod hair from under the green and blue woolen cap, and reaches over to turn up the radio. Music pours from the speakers, drowning Rian in a crescendo of guitars and drums.

“What is this?” Rian shouts, because that’s only way he can be heard over the music. She turns it down, smiling.

“This, my dear Drummer Boy,” she informs him, “Is the Beatle’s Rubber Soul. I found a cassette of theirs at that antique store down the road.”

“I’ve never heard this song,” Rian raises an eyebrow. “But it’s hella good.”

She turns it up louder, tapping out the beat with her hands as she joins along, her high voice mixing with the famous voice of John Lennon. Rian watches in awe, unable to take his eyes off her.

“What?” she asks, noticing his gaze. “Oh, I’m sorry, is my singing bothering you?”

“No! No, not at all,” he quickly backtracks. “You have a gorgeous voice.”

“You are such a sweetie,” she blushes, smiling at him as she brushes her hand against his knee. Rian feels like he’s been struck by lightning. He notices a music note etched into her wrist, and points it out.

“I’m thinking of getting a tattoo when I turn eighteen, but I know I won't because I'm afraid it will hurt,” she explains, showing him the marking. “So instead, when I get bored, I draw new designs and think of where I want it and make believe I was actually brave enough to do it. What do you think, Drummer Boy?”

At the sound of his nickname, he furrows his brow.

“Why do you call me ‘Drummer Boy’?”

“Well,” she blushes, pulling to a stop in front of a red light. “We haven’t ever really been introduced, and I know that you play in the marching band and you have some garage band, so I just call you Drummer Boy.”

“I see,” Rian nods, smirking to himself. From the corner of his eye, he can see her flush scarlet, directing her total attention towards finding his street. “I call you Choir Girl.”

She pulls up in front of his house and turns down the stereo. “Well, Drummer Boy, how about you and me grab some hot chocolate tomorrow at Starbucks?”

“I’d love to, Choir Girl,” Rian replies, grinning like a fool.

They meet up the next day, sipping hot drinks and walking through the snow. Choir Girl mentions her love for music, and disgust for their school, how dependant it was on parties and appearances. She explained how she couldn’t wait to be able to go off for college in two years, or how she finds the weekends the best time for her.

Rian tells her of his hopes in becoming a rock star, playing in stadiums for thousands of kids around the world, and how he feels awkward in parties, or around the girls that flock to Alex and Jack.

They run all over their city, leaving puffs of white cloud behind them and dusty footprints to melt into the cement. She teaches him how to make the perfect snow angel, and he teaches her how to pack a perfect snowball. They play in the park, tossing snow and ice at each other and falling into a heap in a snow bank at the bottom of a hill.

Rian’s bent over her when he decides to do it. Without even thinking, he bends over and brushes the strings from her hat off her face. Their breath mingles as he slowly presses his lips against hers, noticing how warm she is despite the frigid air.

She kisses back just as feverishly, cupping the back of his head with her hand. Together, they kiss in the snow, ignoring the snowflakes that gather on their clothing and bodies. By the time they pull away, they’re breathless with rosy cheeks and slightly swollen lips.

“I have been waiting to do that since freshman year,” Rian admits, wiping a snowflake from her cheek. Her face breaks into a smile as she lifts herself up to kiss him once more.

“Funny,” she smirks. “I’ve been waiting since I saw you steal my scarf.”

Instead of answering, Rian kisses her.

Senior Year

June

“I wish I could tell you not to go,” Melody whispers, wrapping her arms around his neck. “But I know that this is important to you.”

“I’m going to miss you, Melody,” Rian murmurs as he presses their foreheads together. “I’m going to call you every day, and we’ll email and video chat and the summer will be over before you know it.”

“I love you, Rian,” she sniffs as Alex comes up from behind, tapping Rian on the shoulder.

“Hey, man, we gotta get going if we want to make it on time for our show tomorrow,” Alex informs the couple. Rian nods, and turns back to Melody.

“I love you too, Mel.”
He kisses her, letting it last between them before slowly pulling away, heading into the van. Rian waits until he is unable to stretch his arm out any further before letting go of her hand, noticing the electricity fade from his bloodstream.

As the band drives by, Rian sticks his head out the window, waving a final goodbye to her. Melody lifts her hand, trying to ignore the lone tear dripping off her chin. When he can no longer see her, Rian flops back in his seat and bends down to fish something out of his bag.

A red and gold scarf tumbles into his lap, filling the van with the scent of vanilla and citrus, teasing Rian’s emotions. His phone buzzes, and he flips open the screen. Rian can’t help but let out a laugh as he stares at the text, a reminder from Melody.

_ _ _ _ _ Jun 11 9:37 AM_ _ _ _ _
_ _ _To: Rian Dawson <3 _ _ _
I <3 u Drummer Boy

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