Totally Not Average

“What has been getting into you, Amanda?” My dad asked, the look on his face completely disapproving.

He had gotten another call from school saying I was absent for more than three periods. I cursed mentally, I needed to find a way to leave school without getting in trouble, because I couldn’t handle these punishments.

“I don’t know why you’re acting up like this…” He paced, crossing his arms over his chest. Dad looked almost nothing like me, and everyone claimed I looked like the exact clone of my mother. “Maybe you’re hanging out with the wrong people, maybe its peer pressure, stress or something.” He was mumbling to himself and I knew instantly that he had been reading those Parenting books.

“Dad, really?” I asked, putting my own hands on my hips.

“Don’t give me that tone.” He snapped.

I flinched and took a step back, worrying about him. Why was he suddenly like this? I didn’t understand any of it. Sure, I was acting out of character, but that was just me…changing, I guess. After Mom had died, I threw myself into my studies, trying to be the perfect student and daughter.

I started going out more, socializing, and making friends with the popular people even though I knew I was nothing like them. They were all snotty and stuck up while I was just a regular person. But I was just trying to be just like my Mother would want me to be, I was trying to be perfect.

And eventually, the feeling that I didn’t belong was erased, and I was one of them.

I became Student Body President; I became active in class and all around school and in the ‘community’ too. Everyone thought that I had finally broken out of my ‘shy’ shell, that I had finally blossomed into the person I was supposed to be.

Maybe they were wrong. Maybe this was who I was supposed to be; having fun and living it up. Maybe my Mom would approve of this, maybe this wasn’t as bad as my Dad was assuming it was.

I was sick and tired of being what everyone wanted me to be.

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“You can’t keep doing this!” He shouted at me, his face contorting in rage.

“I can if I want too!” I shouted back, sounding like a pathetic little child.

“Amanda,” His tone was stiff, “If this keeps happening, I swear I’ll…”

“You’ll what?” I taunted and then sighed. “You know what?” I let my shoulders droop, “Just leave me alone, Dad.” With those words, I walked upstairs to my room.

My room seemed so lonely now that it was dark. I didn’t bother turning on the lights or anything, I just collapsed on my bed and stared out the window and to the stars. I hadn’t watched the stars since I was a little kid, so it made me feel better.

Memories flashed through my mind; most of them had to do with Alex, and some were about my Mother. I didn’t know what to make of them, but I kept seeing something over and over, something I never noticed before, not until today.

Alex always gave me the same type of smile; a real smile hidden in the depths of his eyes. The corners of his mouth would turn up, his lips would part and his teeth would show. But most importantly, his eyes would glow brighter than I’d ever seen them.

All the other times, with other people, it was just smirks, and sly smiles, and grins. It gave me a weird sensation to know that Alex gave me that type of smile, his smile.

I closed my eyes, hoping to drift away. All I wanted to do was fall asleep and forget all of this; the argument with my dad, skipping school, and spraining my wrist. I just wanted to have fun; be a teenager. Was that so hard?

I sighed, trying to let go of all my emotions. For the first time, I wished I was out somewhere with Alex, having the time of my life.