Totally Not Average

Sunlight pressed down on my eyelids, making it harder and harder to stay asleep. I didn’t want to wake up, not when I was having such a great dream. Birds cawed and I could hear rustling from the tree leaves.

Wait a second—tree leaves?

I bolted awake, sitting up completely. My hair fell in my eyes, making a curtain between me and the world. I could feel a body next to me, but I didn’t know who it was. I flipped my hair back and my eyes widened.

I was sleeping next to Alex Gaskarth.

What time is it? Did I even go home last night? Oh shit, Dad must be beyond pissed. I turned to Alex and shook him to wake him up.

“Alex, Alex.” I murmured, trying to wake him.

“Huh?” He whispered, “Matt, don’t do this.”

“Who’s Matt?” I asked, shaking him more roughly.

“Amanda?” Alex opened his eyes and blinked against the blinding sun. I leaned over him, trying to get him to wake up.

“Yeah, wake up, sleepy head.” I muttered.

“Where are we?” He asked, sitting up.

“At the park!” I exclaimed, “We never went home last night.”

“Oh shit.”

I crossed my arms over my chest, “My exact words.”

He laughed, “Come on, I have to get you home.”

I nodded, and got up, running out of the Jungle Gym. Alex was right next to me as we walked the short thirty feet to my house. That’s the good thing about having a park on the same street as your house.

“Bye.” I told him, unconsciously kissing him on the cheek.

He blinked, “Um, bye.”

I laughed, “Bye Alex.”

I walked up the steps to my house and eased the door open, glad to find that it was unlocked. I tiptoed across the foyer and had one hand on the railing and one foot on the first step when I heard it.

Movement in the kitchen.

I turned my head to look in the kitchen and saw my Dad, standing in the doorway of the kitchen with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Where were you?” He asked; his tone was firm and commanding.

“Out.” I figured it would be better to just answer with one word.

“You never came home from school, Amanda.” His voice was rising, “You are supposed to be grounded, not staying out all night.”

I sighed, “I was at the park, Dad.” I crossed my arms over my chest, “I was watching the stars, like I used to do with Mom, and I fell asleep by accident.”

“Really now?” It was clear he didn’t believe me, “Then who was that boy you kissed on the cheek?”

I didn’t want to say any names, “I was watching the stars with him. We just fell asleep. Nothing happened.” I clarified.

“I don’t believe you, Amanda.” He was disappointed; I could tell from the lines on his face and the dreary tone of voice, “You haven’t been yourself lately.”

“You really think that for the past three years I’ve been myself?” I shouted, losing my control. “I turned into the person you wanted me to be! I did that for you! I acted the way acted because Mom died and I figured that you didn’t want to have to deal with me!”

“Oh Amanda, you know that’s not true.” Denial. Pure fucking denial.

“Oh God.” I was through with this crap. “I became who I thought you and Mom would’ve wanted me to be. I turned into the ‘perfect daughter’ but Dad, newsflash: nobody is perfect, and I know I’m sure as hell [i[not perfect.”

“You may not be perfect, but you are not this girl who stays out all night with boys and disobeys her father.” His mouth was formed into a thin line and his stance told me he wasn’t going to accept a thing a said.

“You don’t know who I am, Dad.” I closed my eyes and sighed, “I don’t even know who I am.” I muttered under my breath, so he wouldn’t hear.

“Amanda just go get dressed for school. I’m taking you there myself.”

I opened my mouth to say something but Dad just walked away, leaving me shocked. Frustrated, I ran up the stairs to my room and shut the door, locking it. I went to the bathroom and took a quick shower, then got dressed.

I was wearing one of my favorite jeans and a white blouse with a tan leather jacket over it. I brushed my hair thoroughly, making it wavy and seem longer than when it is curly. I put some mascara on, some foundation and a light touch of pink lipstick.

I looked around my room for my backpack, searching over and over and then it hit me.

I left my backpack in Alex’s car.

I swore silently, grabbing my cell phone. I flipped it open and was about to call Alex when I realized, again, that I didn’t have his number. God, what was up with me? It wasn’t like me to keep forgetting things like this.

I shook those thoughts out of my head and walked downstairs to find my Dad waiting in the foyer.

“Where’s your bag?” He asked.

“Left it at school.” I lied flawlessly.

He nodded and gestured for me to go outside. I opened the door of the house and walked over to Dad’s S.U.V. I was about half an hour late for school, but it didn’t matter to me. I just wanted to get out of here.

I got into the passenger seat and shut the door, and then put on my seatbelt. Dad got into the driver’s seat and turned on the engine. I turned on the radio, hoping it would help me avoid any conversations.

For the first five minutes of the ride, it did avoid talking, but Dad had turned off the radio and I knew I was screwed.

“I am going to drive you to and from school from now on. And you will not be allowed to see that boy you were with that night.” He informed me gruffly.

I didn’t know if I should’ve screamed or cried; because I wanted to do both. How could he do this? Just take away all my privileges without consulting me?

He pulled into the school parking lot and stopped at the entrance for school.

“Have a nice day.” He told me while I got out of the car.

I slammed the door closed and muttered, “Hypocrite.”

I walked up the steps to my school and through the door, glad that there was no one in the hallway to bother me. I just wanted peace and quiet, to think without having to worry about complications.

A few tears streamed down my face and I felt silly; why was I crying? So what if I couldn’t see Alex, that wasn’t going to stop me. But that wasn’t why I was crying. I was crying because all of this was so sudden, like when Mom died.

We had expected her to last another year when she had some complications that ended her life. It was heart-wrenching and painful but we had to go through it. When life gives you no choice but to suffer, you have to suffer.

I leaned against the lockers, more tears escaping.

“Mandy?” I heard someone ask.

I already knew who it was, just by the tone of his voice, but I looked up anyway. Alex was there, a questioning look on his face, his worried eyes focused on me.

I chuckled without humor, “This is not embarrassing at all.” I muttered, wiping away my tears quickly.

Alex didn’t say anything though, he just held his arms open. I knew what it meant, and I felt better just knowing that he offered. I haven’t had a person to hug since my Mom died. It seemed that when she died, the livelihood of the family died as well.

Without any hesitation whatsoever, I walked straight into his arms, letting all my tears escape.