Totally Not Average

Light pressed against my eyelids and I stirred, tossing to one side and then the other. I realized there was an arm around me, one that made it hard to move. I peeled my eyes opened and saw that I was in an unfamiliar room.

Sunlight seemed to be streaming in from the window and I looked around, recognizing a bedroom. The person next to me mumbled something and I turned towards the person.

Alex Gaskarth.

Seeing him there jolted me awake, making me sit upright in bed. Wait—bed? Shit. What happened? What had we done last night? What had I said? My head pounded painfully, making it harder to think. Hang-over, even worse. I looked down at myself and was relieved to find out I still had my clothes on.

“Mandy? Are you awake?” Alex mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“What happened last night?” I asked frantically.

“Nothing, nothing.” He smiled at me sleepily.

“I don’t believe you,” I muttered, “What happened?”

The last thing I remember was pressing my lips against Alex’s. That was it. His body had been against mine and I remembered being pushed against a wall, but that could’ve been anything.

“Were you wasted too?” I asked Alex.

He shook his head, “Sober. Why?”

“Because then maybe, you can tell me what really happened.” I gave him a hard glare.

“Mandy,” He looked at me, his eyes serious, “Nothing happened last night.”

I sighed in relief, “Okay.” I looked around, “Wait—where are we anyway?”

“My house.” He smirked, “I had to carry you here since you were passed out.”

I grimaced, “I am never going to drink that much again.” I vowed.

“You better not.” He chuckled, “I found you passed out on a couch, a bottle of whiskey in your hand.”

I groaned and put my head in my hands, “That’s what it was.”

“It was empty too,” He put an arm around me and brought me close to him. “My little alcoholic.”

I smacked him playfully, “Shut up.” I mumbled.

“I never said it was a bad thing.” He muttered, smiling.

I laughed, “Of course it’s a bad thing.”

“Who says?” Alex kissed my cheek.

“I do.” I grinned and then kissed him on the lips. I loved the way he kissed me, his smell, and his taste. There were some things I never wanted to end, and kissing Alex Gaskarth was one of those things.

---

My cell phone rang and I picked it up, watching as the caller ID was flashing DAD. I didn’t want to pick up, not after what happened last night, but I knew it was inevitable.

I sighed as I flipped the phone open and pressed it to my ear, “Hey Dad.”

Sweetheart, I have some bad news.

I froze, I knew this line. This was the same line delivered to me when Mom had died. What happened? Who else was there left to die? Dad was calling me, so obviously he wasn’t dead.

“What is it Dad?” Did my voice show how scared I was of bad news?

I was going to fly down here for your Mom’s day, but I’m afraid… I can’t.

Lie. I could tell when Dad was lying, and this was one of those times. It’s not that he couldn’t be here; it’s that he didn’t want to. Four years passed and we still haven’t gotten over her.

I gripped the phone tighter and racked my brain for something to say. All I could think of was insults and swear words; how could he do this to me? He knew how fragile I was about this day and now he was leaving me here to fend for myself?

This was past the line.

Amanda, are you still there? Dad’s voice echoed through my mind and I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me.

“Yeah,” I cleared my throat, “I’m still here.”

I’m so sorry, but something’s come up and I can’t leave.

When was he going to stop lying? I hated this, because I knew flat out he was lying, but he wouldn’t tell me. He was just a coward.

Are you alright with that? He was nervous, I could tell by his tone of voice.

What does he want me to say? YES, I’m fine that you’re leaving me on one of the hardest days of the year for me?! No WAY. No chance in hell was I going to say that. You know why? Because it wasn’t true.

I wasn’t alright with this, and if I had a say in this, he wouldn’t be saying this. He would be here, with me, and we would grieve together, as a family.

Amanda? His voice was urgent now.

“Yeah, Dad, I’m fine with it.” I muttered, my voice dry.

He sighed, apparently relieved with my answer. I wanted to scream at him, because it was obvious I wasn’t okay with this. It showed how much my father truly knew me.

Good. So, I’ll see you in two weeks. Have a nice day!

Dad hung up the phone before I could say anything else. I stood there, shocked. My room seemed to be swimming around me, the colors blurring rapidly.

I fell to my knees, clutching my chest. In two days my Mom’s death would be grieved, and I would be alone. Because in the end, that’s what I was. Alone.

Sobs wracked my body, making it harder and harder to breathe. Tears streamed down my face as I cried and cried; it was the only thing I could do.

Some things we have to go through by ourselves.