Totally Not Average

“Mandy? Mandy?!” Alex’s voice echoed throughout the house but I paid no attention to it.

I was on the floor of my room, curled up like a little kitten, hot tears streaming slowly down my face. My sobs had died down, and now I was just trying to find the strength to open my eyes and face reality.

I couldn’t deal with all of this; not all at once. It was overwhelming and I couldn’t take it. For the first time in four years, I have reached my breaking point.

It was as simple as that.

The door of my room burst open and I heard footsteps come towards me, “Mandy, Mandy?” Alex called, shaking me.

I mumbled something that I couldn’t quite understand. I didn’t have the strength for words, not now when everything was falling apart.

“Are you okay?” Alex asked, and I knew the answer to this question right away.

No, I wasn’t okay.

“No.” I mumbled, trying my hardest to open my eyes.

“Mandy?” He obviously hadn’t heard me, because he was still trying to shake me awake.

“What?” I asked, but it came out weird, slow and slurred even.

“Please wake up,” He whispered, brushing strands of my hair away from my face. “Don’t do this to me, Mandy, not when we’re this far.”

“What are you talking about?” I tried to say, but it was choked out by a loud sob in my throat.

Bright stars danced behind my eyelids as I tried harder and harder to open them. I didn’t have control of my body though; it was like everything had shut down.

“I love you.” He whispered, seeming close to tears. “There, I said it. Are you happy?”

I wanted to say something back, but I couldn’t. All I could do was fall back into his arms.

---

“You had a panic attack.” The doctors told me.

I sighed and put my head in my hands, “Seriously?”

My doctor nodded, “Do you have any idea what might have triggered this?”

I was currently in the hospital, lying on a bed with a gown on and everything. I hated hospitals; they completely and utterly revolted me. I’ve always had bad memories here, especially when my Mom died.

“Yeah, I do.” I looked up at the doctor with sad eyes, “My Mom’s anniversary of her death is in… two days and my Dad isn’t here to help me through it. It’s always been hard for me, especially since she died so suddenly.” More tears streamed down my face as I thought about that phone call.

“You’re Jane Collin’s daughter.” The doctor whispered.

I nodded, “Did you know her?” I mumbled.

He smiled lightly, “Yeah, I did. She was a kind soul, your Mother. Always trying to do what was best for everyone else. She was here for a good two years though.”

“Brain cancer. She was supposed to last another year, but she had had some complications and—and—“ my voice faltered as I thought back about what had happened.

Painful memories filled my mind and I wanted to do the same thing I did yesterday—fall to the ground and cry my eyes out. But I had to be strong—if not for me, for Mom. She would want me to be strong.

“I was there when it happened.” The doctor had sad eyes, and was looking at me the same way everyone else looked at me when my Mom died.

I tried to smile, but ended up frowning instead. The doctor chuckled, “You look just like her, you know. And you’re just like her in every way.” He smiled, “She never stopped talking about you, even when things were getting worse and worse, you were all she wanted to talk about.”

I smiled a bit, feeling good because she cared about me. Mom and I had always been close, ever since the start. It had killed me when she got sick, because I thought her headaches were just…well, headaches. Who knew they could be more?

“It’ll be okay.” The doctor told me, “Everything always sorts itself out. You’ll see.” With those words, he walked out the door.

I sighed again and leaned my head against the pillow—I knew these next couples of days were going to be hard.