The Journal

Wow... It has been WAY too long since I've posted on here.

First let me apologize to anyone still reading this:

I'M SORRY!

School has been... Insane.

So insane that I don't even know where to start with any sort of explanation... I know last time I said I was going to explain about the summer.

We'll start with that and go from there... How does that sound? Well it doesn't matter cause that's what I'm going to do.

OK!

So at the beginning of summer I went to see my therapist as usual (yippee) and he suggested that I go to this... camp. Its a place where kids/teens who have been suicidal go for sort of... group therapy.

My gramma (dear that she is...) jumped on it. A week later, off I went.

I went to a "meeting spot" where a bus came to pick me and a bunch of other kids up.

On the bus we met Dan. Dan was one of the camp counselors. He told us that the camp was designed to be a group therapy/friendship making experience. We were supposed to have fun and help each other.

I was just thinking "OK... whatever..."

It took three hours to get to the actual camp. It was actually really pretty out there. In the woods near a lake. They had a bunch of facilities there for activities such as a field for soccer and such, a basketball court, tennis courts, and other such nonsense.

When we finally got there (my butt hurt SO bad) we were shown to cabins. Boys were on one side of the camp and girls were on the other. The rules were that boys had to be out of girls cabins (and vice versa) by 11PM every night and in our own cabins by 12AM. It was four people to one cabin. I was roomed with Em, Chelsea, and Katlin. Katlin was sexually abused, Chelsea's brother and dad had both died earlier this year, and Em was like me (teased, bad family life, etc.). We had an hour to get acquainted with our cabin mates and get ourselves situated. Then we all met in the Mess Hall (the cafeteria for those not affiliated with camp terms) where we learned more about rules and activities and the such.

By the time that was over it was 6PM. Dinner time. The food was, strangely enough, delicious. I sat with Em, Chelsea, and Katlin (there were a bunch of round tables, kind of like picnic tables, that seated about five people if you weren't uncomfortable with getting a bit close).

After dinner (about 7:30PM was the norm the entire summer) we were allowed till 12PM to hang out with each other in sort of the... common area... of the camp (that way the counselors could keep an eye on all of us).

There I met a boy named Jaimie. He's the same age as me (I'm 16 now! Woo!). He was really goofy like Bunny, but he had a shy side to him that honestly made him quite adorable. I ended up hanging out with him and some other guys (I get along better with guys than girls). They were awesome. There was a guy there named James who was hilarious. He's African American/black/colored (whichever you prefer) and he calls me "lil white girl".

Jaimie, James (that got funny), and I got really close over the summer. We were always on each other's teams in the activities. We were also in the same therapy groups (they would get people who seemed to be getting along well and put them together so that everyone would feel more comfortable).

It was oddly very fun and I was actually sad when the last week came. The last week we had a camp wide contest. We all got separated into two groups. The Dingos and the Chameleons. I was a Chameleon! So was Jaimie. That week (up till dinner time on Friday night) all of the activities were scored. Jaimie and I kicked James's butt at everything pretty much. The last day, the Dingos ended up winning the overall contest. So the Chameleons (along with the camp counselors!) started a water balloon war. It was beyond hilarious.

That Saturday we all packed. It was sad. Jaimie, James, Em, Chelsea, Katlin, and I all exchanged phone numbers.

For those who wonder, because I know there are those that do, I did end up with a crush on Jaimie. And he told me on Saturday that he liked me. He asked me if I'd consider going out with him (he lives about an hour away from me). At first I thought of Trevor. Then I thought of how he hadn't texted me at all throughout the entire summer... So I said yes.

So, yeah. I have a boyfriend. Crazy, huh?

That Sunday when we had to leave was sad, because I had to say goodbye to everyone. Jaimie gave me a hug and a kiss. James hugged me, picked me up, spun me around, and said "I'M GOING TO MISS YOU LIL WHITE GIRL!"

When I got home everything was pretty much the same...

It's gotten a little better since then. I've since been back at school. The first two weeks were horrible. Then Nick threatened anyone who looked at me cross again. That stopped the weird stares. People still tease me, but by now I'm used to it. I'm talking to Trevor, Alex, and Bunny again. Bunny is the only one who knows about Jaimie... I never quite got the courage to tell Trevor, and never had a reason to tell Alex.

Since summer I've seen Jaimie every other weekend pretty much. My mom is very happy about the fact that I have a boyfriend. She bought me condoms... (No we haven't used them! No we haven't been having unprotected sex!)

Anyway... Today is New Year's Eve. It's been exactly a year since I started writing these... It's been a crazy year, huh? Right now I'm at my grandma's house. The family is here for Christmas and New Years. Jaimie is here too. He's on the floor of the living room playing with Rascal. It's cute.

At midnight we're all going to shoot of fireworks. I think I'm about to drag Jaimie outside. Bunny is almost here and we're going to play with sparklers!

Bye for now imaginary people.
Happy New Years.

-CD