Status: slowly active(:
Already Gone
Holly.
Ryan wanted to rip Anabell’s letter to shreds. A child? A daughter? That was his job from her? He had to take care of a tiny, helpless little girl because Ana’s paranoia had driven her to jump from a bridge? Ryan stood, fuming. Anabell had left him, left their daughter. She was so selfish! It wasn’t fair. The snow began to fall again as Ryan gazed out at the lake. Why had he come here? Why had Ana brought him here? He could see the bridge in the distance. His eyes traveled down to the ice below. He was sure that there wouldn’t be a speck of red left to show where Ana had hit, but he shut his eyes anyway. Ryan was done listening to Ana. With unnecessary force he ripped open the fourth letter.
Ryan, I’m dying. I’m slowly dying here in this apartment. They won’t leave me alone, Ryan. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. That’s all they do. All day long. They talk about you all the time. And Mama, alone in that house with my baby girl. With our baby girl. They talk about Holly every single second of every single day. They replay the look in her eyes and the sound of her cry when I abandoned her on that front step. Why won’t they shut-up? Oh God, I just want them to shut-up. Please, Ryan, make it stop. Make it stop…
And there it was. In Ana’s loopy, fragile handwriting. The reason she had sent him here. The reason she had given him this job. Because in those last moments, she had no choice but to be selfish. There was nothing left that she could do for anyone. There was nothing left she could even do for herself. Ryan slumped back onto the bench, his anger gone.
That was where Jasmine found him thirty minutes later. By now the snow and wind had stopped, but Jasmine and Holly were still bundled in multiple layers. Ryan moved down on the bench so that the old woman could sit. She pulled the baby out of the stroller and onto her lap. Holly immediately began to squirm.
“She woke up seconds after you shut the door ya know.” Jasmine stated, glancing over at Ryan’s stiff figure.
Ryan glanced at the small baby. It was hard to believe that he had helped to create her. It was hard to believe that half of her was him. She was still moving, seemingly in an effort to get closer to him. He smiled in spite of himself.
“How old is she?”
“Five months. She knows your important. She can feel it.”
“Can I hold her?”
Jasmine handed Holly to her father. The baby automatically stopped fussing and curled up in his arms. Jasmine softened at the tenderness Ryan was exhibiting. Amazed, she watched as his eyes began to mist over.
“She’s so…perfect.” He said, smiling contentedly.
“Just the way God intended.” Jasmine stated, patting his thigh.
“You know, Ana wants me to take her. She said she couldn’t stand failing her and the only way to fix it was for me to love her for the both of us.”
Jasmine sighed and nodded. She had expected as much when the boy came knocking.
“But I don’t even know how to take care of a baby. I didn’t have any siblings and boys didn’t babysit. I don’t know how to change a diaper or give her a bath. I don’t even know what babies eat.” Ryan whispered, failing to tear his eyes away from Holly.
“I suspect that’s why you aren’t out of letters.” Jasmine mused. “Maybe Ana has found a way to help.”
“Maybe…”
“Ryan,” Jasmine said sternly, finally grabbing his attention. “I want you to know that you don’t have to do what Ana says. I’m not gonna give my great-grandbaby away or treat her wrong.”
“I know.” Ryan sighed, returning his eyes to the small girl. “But I want to. Look at her. How could anyone not love her?”
A wrinkled smile creased Jasmine’s face. She knew Ana had always been wrong to keep the child away from her father.
“Then you’ve already gotten to the first step: unyielding love.”
Ryan returned his gaze to Ana’s true mother, the one that had loved and taken care of her. They shared a smile and he could tell that Jasmine had something else to tell him. He raised his eyebrow, indicating for her to continue.
“Ana wanted you to have the house.”
Ryan, I’m dying. I’m slowly dying here in this apartment. They won’t leave me alone, Ryan. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. That’s all they do. All day long. They talk about you all the time. And Mama, alone in that house with my baby girl. With our baby girl. They talk about Holly every single second of every single day. They replay the look in her eyes and the sound of her cry when I abandoned her on that front step. Why won’t they shut-up? Oh God, I just want them to shut-up. Please, Ryan, make it stop. Make it stop…
And there it was. In Ana’s loopy, fragile handwriting. The reason she had sent him here. The reason she had given him this job. Because in those last moments, she had no choice but to be selfish. There was nothing left that she could do for anyone. There was nothing left she could even do for herself. Ryan slumped back onto the bench, his anger gone.
That was where Jasmine found him thirty minutes later. By now the snow and wind had stopped, but Jasmine and Holly were still bundled in multiple layers. Ryan moved down on the bench so that the old woman could sit. She pulled the baby out of the stroller and onto her lap. Holly immediately began to squirm.
“She woke up seconds after you shut the door ya know.” Jasmine stated, glancing over at Ryan’s stiff figure.
Ryan glanced at the small baby. It was hard to believe that he had helped to create her. It was hard to believe that half of her was him. She was still moving, seemingly in an effort to get closer to him. He smiled in spite of himself.
“How old is she?”
“Five months. She knows your important. She can feel it.”
“Can I hold her?”
Jasmine handed Holly to her father. The baby automatically stopped fussing and curled up in his arms. Jasmine softened at the tenderness Ryan was exhibiting. Amazed, she watched as his eyes began to mist over.
“She’s so…perfect.” He said, smiling contentedly.
“Just the way God intended.” Jasmine stated, patting his thigh.
“You know, Ana wants me to take her. She said she couldn’t stand failing her and the only way to fix it was for me to love her for the both of us.”
Jasmine sighed and nodded. She had expected as much when the boy came knocking.
“But I don’t even know how to take care of a baby. I didn’t have any siblings and boys didn’t babysit. I don’t know how to change a diaper or give her a bath. I don’t even know what babies eat.” Ryan whispered, failing to tear his eyes away from Holly.
“I suspect that’s why you aren’t out of letters.” Jasmine mused. “Maybe Ana has found a way to help.”
“Maybe…”
“Ryan,” Jasmine said sternly, finally grabbing his attention. “I want you to know that you don’t have to do what Ana says. I’m not gonna give my great-grandbaby away or treat her wrong.”
“I know.” Ryan sighed, returning his eyes to the small girl. “But I want to. Look at her. How could anyone not love her?”
A wrinkled smile creased Jasmine’s face. She knew Ana had always been wrong to keep the child away from her father.
“Then you’ve already gotten to the first step: unyielding love.”
Ryan returned his gaze to Ana’s true mother, the one that had loved and taken care of her. They shared a smile and he could tell that Jasmine had something else to tell him. He raised his eyebrow, indicating for her to continue.
“Ana wanted you to have the house.”