Sink Into Me

I didn’t sleep at all that night, every time I closed my eyes I’d just imagine what had happened all over again, although it kept varying in aspects, I would fall and he or she would catch up with me, or something else terrible would happen, for once in my life I was afraid, and I wasn’t ashamed to admit it.
I remember waking up at seven thirty in the morning, I knew I couldn’t physically sleep anymore, and the only way to stay awake would be caffeine. I know I was only chased, it’s not like they caught me, but I couldn’t help but feel that there was a lot more to it being a ‘you were in the wrong place at the wrong time’ moment, and that feeling just wouldn’t go away. So I pushed myself out of bed, careful to not wake Hayden as I manoeuvred around her body and walked to my wardrobe, opening it silently as I grabbed one of my hoodies off of one of the shelves and closed it again just as quietly. I tip-toed to the door as I opened it just enough for me to slide my body through it without making a sound, closing it gently. It was strange, how silent the house was when everyone was asleep, I’d grown so used to the loud noises and the voices, it was strange to hear nothing, the only sound I could hear were the soft creaking of the stairs as I stepped down them in turn, and the beating of my own heart.
I made my way slowly into the kitchen, over to the kettle, putting water in it then putting it on to boil. I grabbed a cup from the cupboard as well as the coffee and milk, and waited for it to boil. The sound of the kettle boiling cut the quiet atmosphere and pulled me out of my thoughts once more as I poured the coffee, milk and water into the cup. I sighed to myself as I stirred the coffee, hitting the sides of the cup with the spoon accidentally creating more noise.
I placed the coffee between my hands in order to keep me warm and walked slowly to the table, placing the coffee down quietly I then pulled one of the chairs out as quietly as I could, although I’d still managed to create a noise yet again, I was no good at being quiet.
I sat down and sighed, placing my hand in my chin as I rested my arm on the table. I’d began to feel tired again as the coffee hadn’t started to kick in yet, but I couldn’t go back to sleep, my mind was full of so many thoughts I couldn’t even process them, let alone be able to sleep.
I drank my coffee slowly, savouring the taste. I’d lost track of the time as I got caught up in my thoughts once again. I found it so difficult to hide my emotions from everyone, and I’d only encountered Hayden so far, I was dreading when the time would come that I’d have to speak to everyone else too, more importantly Matt, I’d never hid anything from him before, we confided in each other about anything and everything no matter how or how not important it was. A lump rose in my throat at the thought of not telling him, I didn’t know what was worse at the time, not telling him and having the guilt eating away at me, or telling him and having him get extremely protective and not let me go anywhere by myself for the last week that I was staying in New York, but shoving my guilt aside I still decided to not a say a word about it to anyone.

“Taylor, Taylor wake up”

I groaned as I sat up, not knowing that I’d fallen asleep in the first place.

“What are you doing down here? It’s only eight thirty” Matt asked concerned as he sat next to me.

“Yeah.. I just, couldn’t sleep that’s all” I mumbled as I rubbed my eyes.

“Hey listen, were you okay last night? You just sort of ran in and no-one saw you for the rest of the night?” He questioned.

“I was just really tired…” I trailed off.

I had to find a way out of that conversation before I’d blurt everything out.

“Do you want some coffee?” I asked as I stood up, taking my cup with me.

“Yeah…okay?” He said, completely bewildered at my behaviour.

I grabbed Matt a cup from the cupboard as I put the kettle on to boil once more. I stood with my back to him as I bit my lip. Words couldn’t describe how much I hated lying to Matt.

I poured the coffee into both cups and walked back over to Matt, careful to not spill either of them. I sat back down and immediately took a sip of mine as Matt eyed me suspiciously.

“Taylor…you know you can tell me anything, right? No matter how drastic or how simple?”

“I know I know, I’m fine, really” I lied as I took another sip.

“We confide in each other about everything, we have done since we were about thirteen, and I know for a fact there’s something wrong” Matt pushed.

I sighed. I couldn’t tell him.

“I’ve just been having nightmares, that’s all” I said, which was technically true, just not that part of the nightmare actually happened.

“About what?”

“Nothing serious, I just get them often, I always have done, I used to all the time when we were kids” I shrugged.

Matt sighed.

“I care so much about you Taylor, I just want you to be honest with me”

I’d never felt so guilty in my life.

“Matt I am being honest with you, it’s nothing, just nightmares, honestly” I replied.

“Okay, I’ll let it go” He sighed once more as he took a sip of his coffee.

“So why are you up this early?” I questioned, eager to change the subject.

“Funnily enough I couldn’t sleep either”

“How come?”

“Oh, just this whole thing with Adam…” He trailed off.

I hated Adam for how he made Matt feel, I honestly didn’t think he could stoop so low.

“He’s such an ass” I muttered

“You’ve got that right, but what can I do” He chuckled half heartedly.

“I hate how he always gets everything he wants, he doesn’t deserve anything” I harshly said.

“I really don’t know what’s come over him, he hardly speaks to any of us, it’s like he keeps all of his thoughts and emotions bottled up, then being with Cindy doesn’t exactly help the situation”

“It’s his choice, well I should say his mistake, he’ll realise it when it’s too late” I shrugged.

“Who’ll realise what when it’s too late?” Adam questioned as he walked in.

“Wow, was that a question and not an automatic insult? I thought you were incapable of asking questions since you’d become Ken, Barbie’s sidekick” I scoffed.

“Don’t you ever quit?!” Adam screeched.

“Shut the fuck up, everyone else is still asleep!” Matt whispered harshly.

“Well she clearly started it, I think you need to teach your cousin to shut up” Adam spat as he walked over to the fridge.
“Way mature, what are you, five?” I glared.

“Oh just give it a rest” Adam said as he rolled his eyes.

“I wouldn’t waste my breath talking to you any longer anyway” I spat.

“Okay listen up you b-”

“Don’t you dare” Matt seethed as he glared at Adam.

I just smirked.

“You know what? I don’t need this” He huffed as he walked back out of the kitchen.

“Yeah, good riddance” I added in satisfaction.

“I really don’t know what’s going on with him lately” Matt sighed.

“Do you know what? if he wants to behave like this he can, he’s the only one who’ll pay for it in the end”

That’s for sure.

Adam’s POV
I’d gone off the rails, literally. It was like I couldn’t control what I was saying, all the pain I’d inflicted on everyone close to me, like Matt for example, he was like my brother, yet I did this to him. I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking “well do something about it then, you absolute prick!” right? Well, needless to say it wasn’t as simple as that. I’d changed, I’d changed into someone who I didn’t want to be, but no-one understood that, and I can’t say that I blamed them, but it really was easier said than done. As for Taylor, words couldn’t describe how crazy she drove me, and not in a good way. Especially how she’d been with Cindy, I mean okay, Cindy was very harsh at times, but it didn’t excuse her punching her, but then again it somehow leads back to me and what I’ve said or done, it always does. One thing was for sure though, I needed to fix this mess, but not with Taylor, that was another story.