Sink Into Me

I couldn’t relax, I’d never felt like this before, it was like my brain was in ‘alert’ mode, I began to jump at everything, a little noise, to a door opening, it wasn’t healthy, and no-one except me knew why. I’d tried to make my behaviour as normal as I possibly could, but I knew even though I may have thought I was doing a good job of hiding what was wrong, I really wasn’t. I can’t tell you how many times Hayden, Lidia and Matt had all pestered me to tell them what was wrong, but I wouldn’t budge, when I decided something I’d stick to it, regardless of the consequences. I can tell you now that day was one of those days, you know those days where time never seemed to move and you’d feel that hours had gone by when in reality it was mere minutes? Yeah, one of those. I tried to avoid conversation when possible, I’d leave the room or stick my earphones in and block out the world, but it could only do so much. I had done a half decent job of blocking out conversations as the next time I looked at the clock it read seven thirty, I hadn’t spoken to anyone in at least two hours, but of course, I totally and completely jinxed myself.

“Taylor? Stop ignoring me!” Hayden exclaimed as she sat down next to me on the sofa, ripping my earphones out of my ears.

“I’m not ignoring you, I’m listening to music” I stated.

I didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but I didn’t want to end up saying something I’d regret.

“Don’t give me that shit, you haven’t spoken to anyone in hours” she scoffed.

I sighed.

“I’m just not really in the mood” I shrugged, which was technically true.

“You haven’t been in the right state of mind since yesterday morning, I don’t know what’s gotten into you” She said as she looked at me, concerned.

“I’m fi-” I started but stopped dead as the door opened, revealing Cindy and Adam walking in.

“Well, I was fine, I can‘t be bothered with any of this shit” I sighed.

“What’s gotten into you, Taylor? I’m worried” She questioned.

“Nothing, just those two drive me crazy” I glared.

“Yeah you and me both, but I know it’s not only that, I’m not stupid you know”

“I know, I know” I chuckled.

She raised an eyebrow.

“Well?” She pushed.

“I’ve just been having nightmares” I sighed.

“Nightmares? About what?”

“Nothing in particular, just nightmares”

Lie.

“What was so hard about telling me that?” She asked sceptically.

She really had no idea.

“I don’t know, I guess I thought you’d think I’m a freak” I laughed.

“I already think that, nightmares weren’t going to make any difference” She chuckled as she squeezed my arm in reassurance.

I just laughed in response.

“I want Starbucks” I heard Fred whine on the sofa opposite.

“Well go and get Starbucks then, loser” Mark chuckled.

“I’m too lazy to go, it requires getting up and walking” he shrugged.

“I want Starbucks, too!” Matt exclaimed as he walked in the room with Lidia.

“Me too!” Mark chimed in.

“Yeah, me too actually” Hayden laughed.

“Well considering you all want it, why don’t you just go?” I chuckled.

“Excuse me for a moment, I have to do something” Cindy’s high voice squeaked as she peeled herself off of Adam and walked out of the room.

“Yes, we are free of disease!” Hayden cheered.

“Oh shut up, Hayden!” Adam scoffed.

Oh dear.

“Back onto this Starbucks issue” I sighed before an argument could take place.

“Taylor, why don’t you go? You don’t want anything and you’re not lazy like us” Fred grinned.

A lump rose in my throat at the thought.

“Oh, I don’t know..I-”

“Please?!” They all yelled in unison.

I didn’t know how to get myself out of this one, I really didn’t. I couldn’t come up with a reasonable excuse without telling them the truth. For all I knew it could be fine if I went there tonight, it could’ve just been a misunderstanding. I continued to argue with myself in my head until Hayden’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

“Earth to Taylor?” She laughed.

“Uhm yeah, okay” I softly said.

“Sweet!” Fred cheered.

“Are you coming?” I asked Hayden.

“Aren’t you capable of doing anything by yourself?” Cindy sneered as she re-entered the room.

“Oh please, who asked for your opinion?” Hayden spat.

“You can’t even fight your own battles either? How sad” Cindy said, looking at me.

I just rolled my eyes. Stupid bitch.

“That’s it! OUT!” Matt seethed as he pointed to the door, glaring at Adam and Cindy.

“We were just leaving anyway” Adam scoffed as they both got up, and walked towards the door.

“Good, good riddance” Hayden spat.

That girl was really turning into me with all her hate, ha.

After hearing the door slam shut I turned back around to face everyone as I’d found myself glaring at the back of Cindy and Adam’s heads as they walked out, hoping they’d feel it.

“Moving on, do you want me to come?” Hayden asked.

As much as it infuriated me to admit it, Cindy was right in a sense. I’d become a lot weaker than I had been over the last two days, so I decided to try and regain a bit of dignity.

“Nah it’s okay, I’ll go” I smiled.

“Okay, if you’re sure” She grinned.

“If I’m going to Starbucks for you guys the least you can do is write down what you want, so get up off of your asses and go and find some paper and a pen” I scoffed playfully.

They all groaned in response and trudged out into the kitchen in a very amusing manner, I couldn’t help but laugh to myself. I think it was the first time I’d genuinely laughed since the day before, which was so weird for me, I normally did nothing but laugh. Everyone wrote down what they wanted and gave me the money before trudging in the same amusing manner back into the lounge, needless to say I was amused yet again, that was until I realised it was time to face what I’d been fearing.
I tried to swallow the lump in my throat as I opened the door and stepped into the now dark, outside world of New York. I made my way down the steps and down the oh so familiar street, I contemplated listening to my ipod, but I didn’t know if that’d make me feel more reassured, or more worried, considering I wouldn’t be able to hear anything else except the music. I decided to listen to my ipod, but I turned the volume down just enough for me to still be able to hear it but also hear everything around me, aswell as the sound of my own footsteps and racing heart. I couldn’t help but breath a big sigh of relief as I arrived outside of the Starbucks door, thankful I’d made it there in one piece. I pushed the door open and stepped inside, joining the back of the queue. Starbucks was actually surprisingly busy, for the weeks that I’d been there it’d never been so busy, it was very bizarre, but then again, nothing stays the same. I ordered everyone’s drinks and paid, moving myself over to the side to wait for them all. I smiled to myself in relief, maybe I really didn’t have anything to worry about after all, considering I’d made it there in one piece, I was pretty sure I could make it back too. I’d began thinking I’d blown it all out of proportion and that it never really was as bad as it was, well, what I mean is it really was terrifying, but maybe I could tell someone about it as it hadn’t happened to me again that day. As I picked up everyone’s drinks from the side, I placed them all in a cardboard cupholder and picked it up, making my way to the door. As I walked through it and walked down the quiet and familiar path once more I began to feel a little happier in myself, and a little more confident, although when I was about five minutes away from Matt’s that confidence was shattered as a gloved hand was shoved tightly over my mouth as I was grabbed from behind and dragged into a nearby alley, dropping the drinks in the process. I struggled with everything I had in me to break free, I started kicking and attempting to scream but it was no use as I could hardly breathe with the force that the hand was putting over my face. My back was slammed into a brick wall as I winced in pain, taking a look at my balaclava covered attacker.

“If you scream when I remove my hand I swear to god I’m not afraid to cut your throat” He hissed as he pressed a knife up against my throat.

I nodded in defeat as he removed his hand. I couldn’t believe what was happening.

“What do you want?” I whimpered as I glanced down at the knife.

“Sh, don’t cry” He smirked as he wiped a tear that I wasn’t even aware had fallen away.

“What do you want?!” I spoke a little louder as I tried once more to wriggle out of his grasp.

“I’m warning you, stop it now” He glared. “I don’t want much, I have more of a request” He smirked.

A lump rose in my throat, about the size of my heart.

“What is it?” I whispered as I let the tears fall down freely.

Words couldn’t describe how terrified I was, how no-one knew what was happening to me at that precise moment, I honestly believed I was going to die, and his face would be the last I’d ever see.

“I want you to stay away from my sister” He spat.

I was so confused.

“Y-Your sister?” I stammered.

“Who do you think?” He said as he pushed the edge of the knife a little more into my skin.

Then it clicked.

“C-Cindy?” I stammered once more.

“Precisely, She doesn’t need a bitch like you trying to wreck her life and her relationship, I bet you’re beginning to regret that you punched her, right?” He spat once more.

“I-I’m sorry” I whimpered as I glanced at the knife once more.

“They’re just words, poppet” He sneered. “Look at you, you’re so weak and defenceless, you really don’t know what you’ve gotten yourself into”

I really had no idea.

Adam’s POV.

Once we’d left Matt’s house we walked the five minute walk back to Cindy’s apartment. I couldn’t help but sigh, I resented myself and the person I’d become over the last few days, it was like I didn’t know myself anymore and it scared me. The things with Matt, with Hayden, and even with Taylor were tearing me apart. Even Taylor didn’t deserve what she was being put through by Cindy and I, I didn’t want anyone to know what I was really thinking or feeling, which was why I was behaving like I was, like a complete and utter prick. Cindy didn’t make things better, I didn’t know why I was even with her in the first place, I mean, I kind of liked her, but she had this constant coldness about her, and she was just continuously stuck to me, she wouldn’t leave me alone for more than five minutes, and every time I’d tell her to lay off she’d say that I’m ‘only saying it because I didn’t want to upset Taylor more than I already had’ and that it was ‘too late’ for me to do anything about it, because I’d chosen her as in Cindy over everyone else, and needless to say she was driving me completely insane.

“Adam, you love me, don’t you?” she squeaked up as she sat down next to me on the sofa.

I sighed. Of course I didn’t.

“Of course I do” I lied as she smiled.

“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, you make me so happy” she smirked as she wrapped her arms around me. I felt so uncomfortable.

“You too?” I answered as more of a question that a response and unfortunately for me she seemed to notice.

“You’re lying” She spat as she glared at me.

“I’m not lying about anything” I shrugged as I attempted to hug her again to shut her up.

“It’s her, isn’t it?!” She screeched as she pushed my arms off of her.

Here we go again.

“Who?” I questioned.

“Taylor! Who do you think?!” She yelled as she glared at me.

“What about Taylor?” I asked genuinely confused.

“Oh don’t play games, Adam! I know you have feelings for her!” She spat as she glared at me once more.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” I shrugged.

“Well, she’s not going to come between us! Not anymore anyway” She muttered to herself, but unfortunately for her this time, I did hear it.

“What do you mean?” I questioned as a lump rose in my throat.

“Nothing, you weren’t even meant to hear that, just ignore it!” She grinned as she attempted to wrap her arms back around me.

“No, I can’t ignore it, what did you mean by that?!” I demanded as I pushed her arms off me roughly.

“Oh that’s right, go and defend the little bitch as usual, why can’t you see I’m better for you?!” She yelled, trying to change the subject, but I wasn’t having any of it.

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!” I yelled, unable to contain my anger anymore as Cindy looked taken aback.

“Well lets just say I think she’s getting the message to leave me, and our relationship alone” She smiled.

It was then I’d realised what I’d gotten myself into, I was such an idiot.

I got up off of the sofa and ran to the door, Cindy in pursuit.

“YOU NEED HELP!” I yelled at her as I pulled the door open, just as she grabbed my wrist.

“Where are you going?! We can finally be together with no interferences!” She shrieked as she grasped my wrist tighter.

“Be together? I don’t want to be anywhere near you, Cindy! I was crazy to even get involved with you in the first place! Get the fuck off!” I screeched as I roughly pulled her hand off of my wrist and bolted out of the door. I ignored the screams of Cindy in the background as I ran down the flights of stairs to the bottom floor of the apartment block.

I needed to find Taylor.