You're Worth Losing My Self-Esteem.

The girl has a name of course, Elle. It means shining light and God’s promise. That’s what she was. But she was hidden in the shadows of the darkness that consumed her.

It was the fifteenth of June, Elle wept, alone, her mother lay unconscious on the floor beneath her, Alcohol present in her system. She was still just a young girl, not yet ten, troubled and afraid for her mother’s well being. A child should have no more worries than having fun and staying out of trouble, and yet Elle was forced to carry the burden of her mother’s addiction, her parent’s brutal divorce and the loneliness of having no one there for her.

She would spend those nights awake, watching her mother, caring for her. She was too scared that if she fell asleep, if she didn’t watch after her mother while she was passed out, that she would die. She couldn’t handle losing her mother. Although I suppose, at heart, she already had.

During these days, if you saw her, you would notice nothing wrong. Her smile would never seem false, her complexion was always clear and her eyes would show no pain or fatigue. But I guess things aren’t always as they seem.

She was young, timid, and afraid. She lay alone whenever she could – trapped – in her own cocoon. She had no one to talk to, no one she could trust. Dreams are for the poets, their horizons vast and full of possibilities. This girl had no one true. She had those people that would call themselves friends, but behind their fake exterior they’re all liars, bitches. So now she walks alone, terrified, of what is to come for her. The worst isn’t over, not just yet.

Farewell innocent child, welcome to the real world. Elle was forced to grow up before anyone should have. Her childhood was short-lived.

It was her teenage years when she finally gave up on her mother. She had forced herself into insomnia in an attempt to save her, and all it had gotten Elle was awareness that her mother did not care, she never would. She was a lost cause. All that woman could love was an alcoholic beverage, and Elle was not an alcoholic beverage, consequently she was invisible to her mother.

I understand now, that bond people speak of, the bond between mother and daughter, between family, that bond is a lie. At least in Elle’s case it is.

Elle had an older sister too, not that she could ever confess her mother’s secret to her. Her sister – Kate – had moved out just before her addiction started, when Elle was eight years old. Elle loved her sister; she was the one who had gotten Elle to believe in love. Kate had a boyfriend you see, Jake. She saw them both grow up together, she watched as they fell for each other; it was enchanting. The way they were always together, in love. Two people; young and carefree. The world was waiting. Then the storms came, rocky and devastating. And they made it through, together. Nine years passed, talk of weddings and children. Him and her, together, about to hit the greatest storm yet.

Elle watched as they were torn apart. But what she saw was not only broken hearts and tears, but love dying. Her certainty that love exist, was now gone. She saw love die. That can alter a person’s faith.