You're Worth Losing My Self-Esteem.

She had ignored what she had told him at her party, but he brought it up regularly, paranoid she didn’t remember. He took her to a friend’s party once, getting drastically drunk.

He was intoxicated as they sat on the stairs talking. He told her things she treasured, but could barely respond to. She glanced up towards him; Taking in his dishevelled hair and honest eyes. “You remember what you told me at your party?” She nodded silently; unsure in herself and crawling with regret for what had been said in that moment of honesty. “I reciprocate it” He told her. Her knees started shaking and she looked away from his eyes; afraid. “Okay” she told him. She wasn’t sure how to take this news. She knew what he meant, but she was tired of being led on. He did this to everyone; he made them feel special, wanted, loved; all so they would love him. He was easy to love, easy to fall for, easy to trust. He knew this, he used it.

He is one of those guys, the ones that everyone likes. He’s loved by many and he knows it. Your heart can be closed off from everyone but somehow he will open it, and when that happens, to put it simply, you’re fucked. He doesn’t settle, he uses you, gets your hopes up and breaks your heart. He will never let you get over him either, perhaps you’ll fall for someone else, but you could never like them as much. You know that and suddenly moving on doesn’t seem possible. You’ll come to a standstill. Heartache, hope, fear, insecurities, nerves and laughter will be with you, mocking you. You can only fall deeper, there’s no getting out. Not anymore.

The stars were distant that night; beyond her vision. She looked up, and for a moment everything was okay. All her pains, fears and insecurities disappeared; replaced with hope. For that moment she was infinite. Then she started thinking, and that hope went away gone, for now. Reality had come crashing down once again.

“Do you know what I meant?” he asked her, almost hesitant. “Yes” she told him, she had nothing more to say on the matter. Nothing would change, she knew that. He had done this before; she knew all that would come from this was false hope. She couldn’t risk letting herself fall any deeper. She could not bear that, she would break.

“You know what I just realised” He said, “I’ve made out with everyone at this party.” She laughed, he had always been a whore, somehow it never bothered her. “Not me.” She pointed out, she had never made out with anyone. “Well I think it’s about time we changed that.” He told her, a deceivingly innocent smile upon his face. She was terrified, yet somewhat pleased. And so she sat there, as they got close and closer, until their noses touched. She could feel his warm breath, smell the alcohol, and all she wanted to do was get closer. He was her weakness, she was defenceless. He had suddenly broken down all her walls, made her vulnerable once more. Then she heard something and tore herself away from what she had waited far too long for. Then their talk was over, interrupted. She never did get to make out with him.

She was left only to think of the lies he must have told her that night. The lies he told everyone.

Stupid, foolish girl.