How A Heart Breaks

I didn’t think that Porter knew what he was getting himself into when he suggested to be in a band two years ago. He kind of just wanted to have fun forever, and sure I don’t blame him, but being a band is tough. There’s the writing part, the performing, and you always have to start out in little shit-buckets that you have to pay for. I think he was expecting it to be luxurious, but it took a hell of a lot of work, and I made sure he knew that.

Two weeks after I gave into him, I had told Nathan- he was all for it, and then Porter called me. He had announced a band practise, as though things would just shoot off like that. Like it was simple or something. I didn’t bother to protest, instead I had agreed, following after Nathan as he ran out of the house excitedly, hair flailing and guitar (which was enclosed in its case) on his back. We both put out instruments in the back seat of my first-grade loser cruiser.

He hopped into the passenger seat, grinning widely as I stepped into the drivers’ seat. I raised an eyebrow at him, in question as to why he was grinning the way he was. I swear, I’ll never forget the next moment, when he opened his mouth, still grinning so widely.

“This just reminds me of a song,” He said. And then, singing in high-pitch, just like a woman, he proceeded. This is the part that is forever implanted in my brain: “I don’t think this passenger seat has ever looked this good to me! He tells me about his night and I count the colours in his eyes!” I froze, I remember. And all I could do at that moment was stare at him, because he sounded so weird. We both just didn’t know what to say, and for a minute, we sat in silence with the car started, and then I burst out into laughter. Normally, I would think he was stupid, but this was just too funny.

Nathan looked down with a slight red colour tinting his cheeks, making me laugh harder.

“Shut up…” He mumbled, “Its…a good song.”

But it wasn’t even about that, it was about how his voice was the perfect pitch to match a womans. And for once, Nathan stayed silent for the entire ride.

When we got to Porters’, the other two were already there, and they were already talking, and Porter seemed fucking ecstatic, which he most likely was. We were starting a band after all. He jumped on me when Nathan and I came into view, and after knowing Porter so long, I was able to catch him instead of fall to the ground. I’m not sure he liked that, because he pouted when he stood on his own again, and complained about not being able to make me fall anymore.

I looked down at him, and just smiled before we started to walk downstairs. I’ve only been here a couple of times, and all it had was a couch and a television. Now, it only had a couch, the rest was a huge empty space, Porter squealed from beside me, and we all stood there, looking at this empty space. Like, it was nothing- literally. But Porter? He found it down right enchanting. He jumped in front of us four blank faces with the widest smile on his face.

“Don’t you love it?!” He shouted, jumping once. The silence only seemed to grow stronger as the four of us stood there, staring at the open, empty space. I let my eyes roll over the couch, and then the space in front of it- it was just blank. I looked at Porter then, who was still smiling like a champ. I blinked.

“Its…There’s nothing here, Porter.” Nathan chuckled at that, and finally the three from behind me moved. Hayden and Nathan sat on the couch, making it groan in protest. I bet that thing is crawling with bugs. Julian walked around the wall, skimming his hand on them as be passed, before finally looking over at Porter.

“And the paint is chipped.”

“And the paint is chipped,” I nodded, looking at the walls. There was even a small part that was just pink fluff encircled in plastic, where the dry wall hadn’t been completed. I had cringed, always finding that stuff scaring. My father used to tell me that if I touched it, I could die because it was poisonous. Porter let out an exaggerated groan, stomping over to the couch and lay across Nathan and Haydens’ legs.

“You guys are such downers, you know that?” He hissed, “It doesn’t need to look pretty! It’s just a place to practise.”

“I agree.” Hayden sighed, “I don’t really think it matters.” Nathan nodded enthusiastically while Julian looked at me, I caught his eye and shrugged.

“You know what matters, though?” I asked, smirking at all of them. Porter glared at me.

“What, Paschendale?” He sometimes calls me that when I annoyed him or he was just messing around. I once told him about my intense gratitude I gave to my parents for not making that my name. Everyone we meet, he always tells them that’s my name, now. I could almost hurt him for it. Almost.

I rolled my eyes at him, crossing my arms over my chest.

“A drum set,” I answered.

“Hey! I brought it,” Julian defended. “It’s just in the car.”

“Alright,” I sighed, “The bass.”

“Pash, shut up!” Porter groaned, “You’re making this whole band thing less fun. And besides! Hayden knew he needed his bass.” He explained, waving his arm in the air, while the other covered his eyes.

“Well, from the pink that’s on his cheeks and the way he’s looking down, I could tell you different.” Porter sat up on Haydens lap.

“You little fucker!” He exclaimed, “I told you right before you came!”

“I know!” Hayden seemed hasty with his words, “I just…I’m not used to bring it around, okay?!” Porter glared daggers, making Nathan and Julian laugh, while I just smirked.

“And,” I said, “the most important thing…”

“Lyrics.” Nathan and Julian sighed. Porter stayed quiet at that one, and I raised my eyebrows at him he pouted, and looked at me.

“I hate you.” I laughed, walking over to him as he fell back on Nathans lap, back into his lying position. I sat in front of the couch, and slung my hand over his torso.

“You cant just call a band meeting and expect everything to go well. You need plans, doll.” He raised an eye brow at me, and I ignored the tingling I got in my arm at that time, but only later did I realize exactly what that tingle was. Back then, the only think I could do was take my arm away from having contact with him. And then I just remember looking at Nathan, and he smiled. And I didn’t know what it meant until recently. Because he does that smile still.

I hate it.