Light Me On Fire

"Soph, can we go?" John asked for the tenth time in less than five minutes.

I sighed and looked up at Nick, who had his arms wrapped securely around me as we sat on the couch. "But I don't want to."

Nick laughed. "You can always call or text me later, babe."

"But it's not the same as being in your arms," I argued, cuddling into his side more than I already was.

John gave an annoyed sound before rolling his eyes. He pushed himself from off the living room floor and shrugged. "I'll just walk, then. It'll be quicker than waiting for you to get off the damn couch."

"Can you please pull the stick out of your ass before we leave, John?" I asked sarcastically.

"Whatever. I'll give you guys a call later," he mumbled before heading for the door.

After listening to it open and shut, I groaned. "I have to go."

Nick chuckled and kissed my temple. "You don't have to go," he sang, lacing his fingers with mines.

"I know, but I can't let him walk home. Plus, I have homework tonight," I pouted.

"I'm glad my days with that shit over," he sighed.

I cut my eyes at him. "Lucky asshole."

He smiled and stood up, extending his hands out for me to grab. "You'll be done soon enough, babe."

I rolled my eyes as he pulled me out of the chair. "Yeah, if I don't die first."

"You won't die; trust me," he said with a wink.

"Mhm," I hummed, going in to give him a tight hug and a peck on the lips. I turned towards the love seat, seeing Justin sprawled out, half his body on the couch and the other half on the floor. Eric looked as if he were dozing off himself, sitting up with his back against the couch, his head falling every now and then. "Should I bother waking them up?" I asked, looking at Nick

"I prefer you didn't," he joked.

I laughed and nodded my head. "Walk me to the door then?"

"Of course," he said, grabbing my hand and leading us towards the door. He pushed me gently against the paneling, his hands on my hips. He pressed his forehead against mines and smiled, his lips just grazing over my own. "I expect a call later," he said.

I smirked. "You'll get one, Santino."

He laughed lightly before pressing his lips against mines passionately, one last time. I opened the door once we pulled away and walked to the driveway, going to get in my car. I started the ignition and went to reverse from the driveway, glancing over my shoulder. The second I looked behind me, I let out a loud gasp, my foot stepping harshly on the brake. "Oh, fuck me!" I yelled. John smirked, leaning into the backseat. "I thought you were fucking walking home?" I asked, clearly annoyed.

"I changed my mind," he said simply.

"Whatever. Duck your head so I can see out my back window," I snarled.

He rolled his eyes but crouched down, his knees pushing into the back of my seat. Once I was safely out of the driveway and on the main street, John corrected his position and I lit up a cigarette, rolling my window all the way down.

It was quiet in the car, being that I had my radio off. Normally this would irritate me, because I hated silent car rides, but the silence seemed appropriate at the moment. I puffed on my cigarette, exhaling the smoke slowly.

I took notice to John's irritated face and smiled. "What's with the face?"

"Nothing," he said curtly.

I rolled my eyes, taking another puff. "Are you on your fucking period or what?"

He let out a large breath and ran his hands over his face. "Can you please stop talking?"

I laughed sarcastically. "I'm gonna take that as a yes?"

"Whatever, Sophia," he mumbled. After another minute so, I took the last drag of the stick, flicking it out of the window, purposely making the ashes fly back on John. "Goddammit, Sophia!" he shouted, brushing at his shirt furiously.

"What?" I asked, trying to make my tone sound as innocent as possible.

"You got ashes all over my fucking shirt!" he exclaimed, still running his hands over the fabric of his tee.

I rolled my eyes. "It'll come off, John. Trust me."

I looked at my rear view mirror and saw his agitated face, his jaw clenching. "Stop the car."

"What?" I asked with a slight laugh.

"Pull over the fucking car, Sophia," he said in a sickening, calm voice

"Why?"

"Just do it!" he urged.

I sighed but pulled onto the street of a neighborhood. I looked back at John. "Now what?"

He didn't say anything, but instead got out of the car and slammed the door shut. This surprised me. I quickly pulled my keys from the ignition, throwing them on my passenger seat before hurriedly getting out of the car. I ran to him, grabbing his arm.

"What the fuck, John!?"

He yanked his arm back. "Get back in your car and go home," he told me.

"Not until you fucking explain why you've been acting like a little bitch all afternoon!"

"Little bitch? Why don't you go take a look in the mirror if you want to see a real bitch, Sophia?" His eyes locked directly with my own as those words left his mouth.

It was almost like an instinct; tears immediately began collecting in my eyes and I stared back into his green orbs, feeling my heart slowly fall to the soles of my feet. "Bye, John," I whispered, afraid if I had spoken at my normal volume, my voice would have cracked. I turned on my heels and began speed walking back to my car.

"Wait ... Soph, wait!" John yelled, running behind me.

He grabbed my wrist and spun me around, making the tears I had been trying to hold in, fall down my cheeks. "What the fuck do you want, John?!"

He let out a heavy sigh and leaned against the driver's door of my car. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers, bowing his head. "I'm sorry, Soph. You're not a bitch ... At all. I'm just ... I'm dealing with a bunch of shit right now."

"Like what?" I asked in a quiet voice, wiping my eyes and cheeks.

"I can't tell you," he mumbled.

I grabbed his hand from his face, holding it in my own. He glanced at me and I could see the depth of distraught in his green irises. For a moment, a chill coursed through my body. "John, since when did we start keeping secrets from each other? You're my best friend and always will be. You know you can tell me anything," I stated.

He just stood and stared at me for a long moment before licking his lips. "I really wish that I could tell you, Soph, believe me. But it's best if I just keep this to myself," he told me.

I laced my fingers with his and sighed. "I hate that you can't tell me what's bothering you."

He clenched his jaw and pulled me closer to him, surprising me. He stared into my eyes and pressed his forehead against mine. "It's a horrible feeling to know that you want what you can't have ..." I furrowed my brows, ready to ask him what he was talking about, but he began speaking before I could. "Do you remember when we were eight years old, and I had just gotten the newest Gameboy for my birthday and you were jealous, because you wanted it but your parents couldn't afford it at the time?" I nodded my head, remembering that day clearly. "And one day I had left it in my backyard by accident and you came over and took it, without me knowing, and when I came home from being out with my parents, I was upset and angry, because it was gone?"

"I remember," I said.

"But you eventually told me you took it and gave it back to me." He made a straight line with his lips for a moment. "What I want, I would steal for nothing but my own selfish feelings, but I don't want to have to ever give it back to who it belongs to now."

I let out a light laugh. "John, we were eight years old and I don't know where this is coming from, but if you plan on robbing a bank or some shit, I'll tell you right now I'm not helping you."

He chuckled and wrapped his arms around my waist. "It's not money or even an object I want."

I furrowed my brows. "Then what is it that you want so badly? It can't be that hard to get, JohnO." I automatically lifted my arms, wrapping them around his neck.

He smiled. "Oh, but it is hard to get. Impossible, almost."

"Will you just tell me? I'm getting antsy," I laughed. He remained quiet and when I looked into his eyes, something within my brain clicked. "It's a girl you want, isn't it?" He nodded his head eagerly, looking happy that I caught on to what he was talking about. "Do I know her?"

He shrank back a little and sighed. "Yeah, you know her."

"Who - who is it?" I asked, biting down on my bottom lip; it ached me to have to ask that question.

"I can't say."

I rolled my eyes, becoming annoyed. "Just fucking tell me." He stayed silent, looking down at the ground. I could tell by his actions and posture that he was too shy to say the name of whoever this girl was. "John, just tell me. I bet that whoever it is, especially if you say I know her, is crushing on you, too. I mean, you could literally have any girl you want."

"Not her," he muttered before straightening his back. "Look, if I tell you ... It'll just be awkward."

"I don't care! Tell me, please?" I begged.

He seemed to be in deep thought for a moment. "It's ..." he paused, looking to the sky, "B-"

"Becca!?" I asked accusingly.

He made a face before nodding his head slowly. "Um ... Yeah ... Yeah, it's Becca."

I suddenly found the uneasy feeling of jealousy creeping into my heart. "Wh - Why her?" I bit down on my lip after saying that. "I mean ... Because you know ... It's so out of the blue."

He gave a subtle shrug, releasing his hands from my waist. "She's ... Cute
... And funny."

I ignored the tearing sensation in my heart and nodded my head. "I see ... But you know how much Garrett likes her, John. Is that what you were talking about when you brought up stealing? You don't want to steal her from Garrett?"

"Yeah, that's what I was talking about," he mumbled.

"Well," I began but paused, searching for words, "she - she could feel the same. I mean, how could she not?"

"What?" John asked, suddenly perking up a bit.

"Well ... You're an amazing person, you know? That's why you're my best friend," I said with a hard smile on my face.

"Oh, right," he laughed softly.

"Do you want me to ask her?" I questioned.

He shook his head. "I'll tell her when I'm ready."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive, Soph," he replied.

"Well, alright." We stood in silence for a moment. "Are you ready to head home, then?"

"Yeah, I think I am."

With that, we got back into my car, John sitting in the passenger seat this time. We drove in silence the entire time to his house. When I pulled into his driveway, he glanced over at me before getting out. He shut the door, but opened it again right after. "You're an amazing person, too, Soph. Forget the shit I said earlier, because I didn't mean it. You know that right?"

I nodded my head, giving him a fake smile. "I know, JohnO."

He smiled in return. "Good. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye, Johnny."

He smirked and shut the door. I waited until he was inside to back out of the driveway. As I got to the first stop light down the street, I let the tears return to my eyes.

I should have known better than to fall for John, being that he is my best friend. I don't even know where these feelings originated from, but I wish so badly that they would just go away. I didn't like the pathetic way it was making me feel.

Right as the light turned green, my phone began vibrating. I eased my foot on the gas and quickly grabbed my phone from the cup holder. I glanced down as I opened the message, not wanting to be too distracted from the road.

We need to talk tomorrow. Come by Nick's after school. - Halvo