Light Me On Fire

The loud, annoying buzzing of my alarm clock ran through my ears and my left arm meekly stretched out to my nightstand, and upon guessing for the right button, the sound was silenced. I sighed and rolled onto my back, staring up at the ceiling of my room. Today was going to be the longest Monday that I’ve had in awhile. I ran my hands over my eyes and yawned, before throwing my legs over the side of my bed and stretching my arms.

I walked into my bathroom and turned the water on, allowing it to warm up to a decent temperature, before removing my pajamas from my body. As I stepped into the shower, the lukewarm water hit my skin and it felt amazingly relaxing. But even with as good as the water felt, I had other things on my mind; like John. After the barbecue at Pat’s, I had managed to avoid John’s texts and calls. I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him, after my epiphany that night. I felt embarrassed, and suddenly, very self-conscious of myself. Not that I thought John was judging me, because he’s never been the person to judge someone else, but still . . . there was that part of me that was timid.

When I stepped out of the shower, the air of the room hit my body, causing me to shiver slightly. I quickly wrapped my orange and white striped towel around my body, before turning to the sink. I rubbed the water droplets off of the mirror with the back of my hand, and grabbed my toothbrush, applying the toothpaste to it. I watched myself in the mirror as I brushed my teeth; which, I had to admit, was odd for me, because I never really put too much care into what I looked like before. I noticed the few freckles spread across my nose and under my eyes; the way my brown eyes looked tired, yet still managed to sparkle in the light; the way my long, auburn-colored hair seemed to be especially curly this morning. I rinsed my mouth out, and quickly washed my face, before stepping back into my room.

I fingered through the hangers in my closet, before settling on a white v-neck, decorated with Revenge of the Nerds in black and a pair of black capris. I ran some mousse through my curls, and applied black mascara and eyeliner to my eyes, before calling it good. I grabbed my messenger bag and shoes from my floor, before running downstairs. I noticed my father had already left for work, and my mother was in the kitchen, drinking a cup of coffee. She worked at home, owning her own “Go green!” and “Save the environment!” company. I grabbed a pack of Strawberry PopTarts from the cabinet and grabbed my keys from the table.

“Bye, mom. Love ya!” I told her and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

She smiled and nodded her head. “Love you, too, honey. Have a good day!”

I sighed as I walked out of the door and got into my car. I opened the package and grabbed one PopTart. I split it in halves and popped a piece into my mouth, while searching for a good song on the mixed CD in my stereo. After a minute, I decided on letting “Take My Hand” by The Cab play. I pulled out of my driveway and began my usual route to John’s house. Though, my stomach was in knots and I had no excuse to tell him as to why I had been avoiding him, I tried to relax.

When I finally reached his house, I finished the last bite of my PopTart and got out of my car. The muggy morning air of Tempe hit me as soon I stepped foot on the concrete.

“Just another lovely morning,” I mumbled.

I knocked twice on John’s door, before being greeted by his face. He simply stood there, without saying anything, and after a minute, I rolled my eyes.

“Good morning to you, too. Now, can we go before I end up being late?” I asked with sarcasm in my voice.

He pulled me inside and shut the door. “Sophie, did I do something?”

“What?” I arched my brows.

He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “You’ve been ignoring ever since we left Pat’s house. So, I want to know, did I do something?”

I shook my head side-to-side slowly. “No, you didn’t do anything.”

“Then why haven’t you been answering my calls or texting me back? I called the guys, and even Kelsi, to see if something was going on, but guess what: they’d all heard from you.” A look of hurt danced across his face and his eyes suddenly seemed to be dull; not the vibrant green they usually were.

Had I known my sudden avoiding him would cause him this much strife, I would have just answered him. “I’m really sorry, John. I just . . . I don’t know. I figured maybe you and I should give each other some space, so you can work things out with Ellie.”

He scoffed. “What does Ellie have to do with this? She knows we’re best friends. Nothing’s going to change that.”

I bit down on the inside of my cheek and nodded my head. He pulled me into his arms and gave me a quick, tight hug before grabbing his bag and heading out the door. Feeling slightly puzzled, I followed him out to my car and started the ignition.

“Here,” I threw the other PopTart at him and he smiled.

“Thanks, Soph.”

I laughed. “No problem.”

And just like that, things were back to normal between John and I. The situation that had just happened was all forgotten. John turned up the radio as Death Cab came on, and I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel.

When we pulled into the school lot, I glanced at the clock and noticed I had five minutes to get to my first period. I groaned and quickly pulled the keys from the ignition and grabbed my bag from the backseat.

“What’s wrong?” John asked as he slung the straps of his backpack around his shoulders.

“I didn’t even get to have my morning cigarette. All because you had to waste time at your house.” I pouted and he laughed at me.

“Maybe that’s a good thing. Ever think of that?”

I stuck my tongue out at him and he flicked it with his hand. I pushed him to the side playfully, causing his skinny frame to stumble a bit, before regaining his composure. We walked into the double doors, and began walking up the first flight of steps.

“I’m serious, though, Sophie. I really think you should quit smoking,” he told me.

I rolled my eyes. “Are we really about to have this conversation before class?”

He shrugged. “I’m just saying.”

As we reached the door of my first hour, I turned around and looked at John. “And I’m just saying it’s my life. I can do whatever the fuck I want to do.”

He held his hands up in defense. “Fine.”

“Whatever. Go find your precious, non-smoking Ellie.” It wasn’t until I spoke those words, that I realized what I had said. “Fuck.” I turned around, ignoring the wide-eyed stare of John and walked into my classroom, my face burning hot.

I took my usual spot by Kelsi and she glanced up from her phone as she noticed me sit down.

“What’s got you blushing?” She gasped. “Could it be O’Callaghan?”

I set my bag in front of me and sighed. “Yes, it’s John. But not for the reasons you’re assuming.”

“What happened?” she pried.

“He was pestering me about quitting smoking again, and I accidentally blurted out, ‘why don’t you go fine your precious, non-smoking Ellie?’”

Kelsi laughed softly and shook her head, earning a glare from me. “I’m sorry. It’s just . . . how long do you think you’re really going to be able to hide this from him?”

I shrugged. “I’ve gone this long. I don’t see why I can’t continue acting as if I have no feelings for him.”

“You’ve only gone this long, because you never realized your feelings for him. Now that you’ve come to know these feelings, it’s going to be a lot harder to ignore.”

“Pft. Thanks, Dr. Phil.”

She laughed. “Whatevski.”

I rolled my eyes and diverted my gaze to the front of the classroom, where our teacher now stood with a rather tall, brunette headed girl. She was wearing a wide smile on her face, and her big, brown eyes reflected nothing but happiness; even I could see that from my seat.

“Kels?”

“Hmm?”

“Have you seen her around before?”

She looked to the front and shook her head. “She’s probably new.”

“Oh,”

Mr. Meyers cleared his throat, gaining full attention of his 23 students. “Class, we have a new student joining us for the rest of the year. She’s from Ohio, so let’s try and welcome her with some good Southern hospitality, eh?”

The class’ response was to howl. Kelsi and I laughed.

“Alright, alright; settle down. Her name’s Rebecca-“ he stopped talking as she tapped him on the shoulder. “Yes, honey?”

“I’d prefer to go by Becca, if that’s alright.”

He nodded his head. “Very well; her name is Becca White. Becca, you may pick any open spot you’d like.”

She smiled and nodded her head. “Thanks, Mr. Meyers.” We all watched as she walked through the room and when I realized that she was going to sit at the empty seat next to me, I felt the need to welcome her. After all, I imagined being the new girl in town wasn’t easy.

“Hey, Becca. I’m Sophie,” I told her and reached my hand out.

She laughed. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too.” I smiled and glanced down at the schedule she had sprawled out on the table. “Hey, we have a few classes together.”

“Really?” she asked.

I nodded my head. “I can show you around if you want.”

“Ugh, I’d love that. This school is twice as big as my old one.”

I laughed. “It’s not that big once you get used to it.”

Mr. Meyers passed out a worksheet and advised us to work in partners, to get the sheet done faster. Becca, Kelsi and I teamed up and within a few minutes, we had the paper completely filled out. We chit-chatted the rest of the period, and I realized that Becca would be a good addition to our group. She had the same humor as we did, and she wasn't shy in the least bit. When the bell rang, Kelsi and I said our goodbye’s and I met up with Becca by the door.

“Alright, off to Mrs. Johnston’s we go!”

She laughed. “Thanks for talking to me, by the way. I was sort of nervous I wouldn’t talk to anybody right away. Or, more so, no one would talk to me.”

I smiled. “It’s no problem. I like meeting new people,” I told her with a shrug.

We arrived to our second period, journalism, and walked inside.

________________________________________________________

By the time lunch rolled around, I was starving. My stomach was growling at me and I was glad when the bell rang, signaling it was time to eat. I walked down to meet Becca at her fourth period class, and saw that she was just walking out.

“How’d it go?” I asked.

She sighed. “I can tell I’m going to hate math this year.”

I laughed. “Don’t we all?”

I stopped at one of the vending machines and put in a dollar, pressing C5 – Hot Cheetos – and grabbed it once it was dispensed at the bottom. I walked over to the next machine and paid for a bottle of water.

“Want anything?” I asked Becca.

“Oh, I’ve got it. Thanks for offering, though.”

I smiled. “No problem. Just showing my ‘Southern hospitality’.”

She laughed and stuck her dollar in, getting a bag of cookies. Once she got a bottle of Vitamin Water, we walked inside of the cafeteria and immediately, I spotted the boys, along with Kelsi and Ellie. My spit lodged in my throat as I saw Ellie sitting on John’s lap. I rolled my eyes; she was always so hungry for his attention.

I sat down and Becca sat beside me. “Guys, this is Becca. Becca, this is the guys. I’ll let them introduce themselves.”

Kennedy started the ring of introductions. “I’m Kennedy, but you can call me Kenny.”

Pat eagerly reached his hand across the table and a wide grin stretched over his face. “I’m Pat!”

She laughed and shook his hand. “Nice to meet you,”

Jared waved and gave her a goofy smile. "Jared. Though, sometimes they like to call me ginger."

She cackled and shook her head. "Jared's fine with me."

Garrett was next, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say his cheeks were slightly flushed; more so than normal. I made a mental note to ask him about that later.

“Garrett. You can call me whatever.”

She smiled shyly. “Okay.”

John gave Becca a wave and smiled. “I’m John Cornelius O’Ca-“

“O’Callaghan the fifth; we know, we know, babe,” Ellie said.

Becca only nodded her head. “It’s nice to meet you, John Cornelius O’Callaghan the fifth.”

He laughed. “Likewise.”

“I’m Elle Rayne James. And Elle’s my real name, it’s not short for anything.”

She nodded her head. “It’s a pretty name.”

“I know, right?” she said and laughed.

I rolled my eyes and stuffed a Cheeto into my mouth. I felt someone kick me under the table and I scoffed when I realized it was Kelsi.

“Talk to him,” she mouthed.

I shook my head. A second later, my phone vibrated in my lap. I sighed as I read the text.

”Please just get with him so we can kick Ellie out from our group.”

I laughed. ”I’m not going to say anything. If it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen.”

I noticed the irritated look on Kelsi’s face a moment later, and I took it that she had read my text. I shrugged and continued eating my chips and making small talk with everyone.

When the end of lunch came, I put my hands on the table and began to push myself up, when I felt a hand lay itself on mine.

“Wait. Can we talk?” John asked me.

I noticed Ellie give me a look from the corner of my eyes and I sighed. “What, Ellie?”

“Nothing. I’ll text you later, okay?” she told me.

I nodded my head and watched her give John a peck on the lips, which lasted a little longer than normal, before she walked off. I shook my head and threw my bag over my shoulders.

“What do you want, John?”

“I want to talk about what you said earlier.”

I stuffed my hands into my pockets and cocked my head to the side. “What about it?”

“What did you mean by saying ‘go talk to your precious, non-smoking Ellie?’”

I shrugged. “Nothing.”

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “So – Soph, you don’t . . . I don’t know . . . you don’t like me, do you?”

I was a bit taken aback by his sudden forwardness. John was never really blunt about anything, and this was taking me by surprise. Had my one statement made everything so fucking obvious?

I shook my head side-to-side fiercely. “No, John. Of course not.”

He let out a large breath. “Good. Because, I mean, I have Elle and I really love her.”

I nodded my head, biting down on my bottom lip. I felt like tearing up right then and there, but I couldn’t. “Fine. I’m gunna go to class.”

I hurriedly made my way out of the cafeteria, but before I could even make it down the hallway, the big, stupid tears came tumbling down my cheeks. I ran into the nearest girls’ restroom and locked myself inside of a stall. Why was this affecting me so much?