I Love You, Benjamin Stone

Rex

I had to admit that I felt pretty shitty about what I had said to Annaleigh and Curtis the other day. Even though a lot of it was the truth, it didn’t mean that I had to go out and say any of it. Curtis, I could deal with him being mad at me. But having Annaleigh mad at me was another story. The longer I spend away from her, the more I miss hanging out with her. I actually found myself happy to have a friendship with her, even though it was only because there was nobody else.

Annaleigh and I were two completely different people. She was soft and polished with a gentleness that someone like me could never obtain. Me, on the other hand, well I’m just rough and chipped. I wish that I could say that I have the ability to change and be a better person, but I have this weird belief that people can’t change their ways. My father is the perfect example of this.

But lately, I was beginning to doubt that whole idea. The way I felt about everything was changing, the way I saw things was changing, I was changing. It was strange because before I had come to Saskatoon, I was somebody who would never change their ways.

In Ottawa, I lived a wild life. Parties were the center of my universe as long as girls were involved. All I had cared about were cigarettes, booze and women, and I sure didn’t care about what tomorrow was going to bring. I wanted nothing more than to live in the present. My mother’s death had made me want to live my life to the fullest and I didn’t care if it was self-destructing in many ways. I didn’t deserve happiness or anything because once my mom died, I was almost happy to see my father suffer. It was like karma had finally made it’s way into his life after the way he cheated on mom.

Now, I was different.

The smoking hadn’t stopped but I hadn’t done anything with a girl for over two months or touched a drink in three. It just wasn’t fun running around and doing stupid things on my own. I missed the friends that I had gone with, the laughs I had, the memories I created with them. None of it mattered now since I made new friends here. Well, even if it is just two, although I don’t really consider Courtney as a friend. The closer I became to Annaleigh, the more I realized that the friends I had in Ottawa were nothing more than acquaintances. I really didn’t know anything about them aside from their bad-ass ways.

Next thing you know I’ll have my face buried in a pile of books. Fuck.

I ran a hand through my wispy blond strands, my eyes searching around for Annaleigh. It bothered me that she didn’t really hear the words I spoke to her in the right way. I wanted her to realize that guys like that aren’t worth her time. In a way, I felt the need to look out for her the same way that she had looked out for me. It’s strange, I never expected myself to have a little sister figure.

Sure enough, Annaleigh poked her head around the bathroom entrance. Her eyes were slightly narrowed from behind her glasses as she took a tentative step into the hallway. She was wearing a large dress that gradually grew in width from the waist downward and all I could think of was how somebody like Courtney would wear something like that. Annaleigh pushed her glasses up her nose and began moving quickly through the hallway, not noticing me behind her.

“Mary Poppins, what’s the rush?” I teased as I jogged beside her. She jumped in surprise with a small squeal, nearly knocking me in the face with her cast.

She stopped immediately, a hand resting over her chest as she calmed down. Much to my surprise, she didn’t seem pissed at me even though I was an ass toward her and the other doucher the other day. Maybe girls don’t always hold grudges after all.

“You scared me,” Annaleigh muttered and dropped her arm back against her side. A small smile formed on her lips and it was a bit reassuring.

“Not my main intention,” I answered and jammed my hands into my pockets. Sometimes when I spoke to her, I felt like I was being judged. It wasn’t a bad kind of thing since it was more like she was trying to figure me out than criticize me for anything. But what would I know? The female mind is probably the most complicated thing since Sudoku.

“I’m sure,” she frowned slightly. “Look, about what you said the other day…”

“It was stupid.”

“No… Not exactly what I was about to get at. What I was wondering is how you’re so sure that he’s such a bad guy. You mentioned that most girls that are involved with guys like Benjamin Stone are like pawns, useless and only good for one space but.. But what you didn’t realize is that pawns can turn into anything. They really aren’t useless. It just bothered me a little bit because… because it was like you weren’t seeing both sides. A pawn can turn into a queen or a knight, anything it wants to be.” she was blushing noticeably and I couldn’t help but be a bit surprised at how much depth she had added to my words. I hadn’t thought of things that way.

“Actually, I can say that I agree with you. I’m definitely not seeing things from both sides,” my lips tugged downward in to a small frown. “The only reason why I know so much about how he works is because…”

“Because?” Annaleigh inquired, her hand wrapped around the wrist of her cast.

It felt like my tongue had increased to double it’s size. Suddenly I was reluctant to speak about anything that related to me in any way. I didn’t want her to know that back in Ottawa, I was just like Stone. It’d feel like I was being a hypocrite and if she liked Stone that way…

It would just be like her liking me and that was definitely something I didn’t want to deal with. I already had one stalker and I definitely didn’t need two.

“Never mind, it’s nothing important,” I said quietly and fiddled with the keys in my left pocket. Annaleigh scowled at me, her face turning slightly red again. By now, I knew that face. It was the face she made when she was getting frustrated, something that wasn’t exactly the most beautiful thing to see.

“Look Rex, if we’re going to be friends, you have to be open about things with me. The other day you give me some long lecture about a guy you don’t even know and then leave without any explanation. Today, I try and talk to you about it and you still keep quiet. I really hate it when people bring things up and then keep it a secret, it’s like flaunting that you know something I don’t know. It just isn’t fair that I have been completely open with you and you don’t tell me anything,” her face dropped significantly and instantly I felt like a jerk. So much for trying to be a good friend.

“It’s not-” I began but Annaleigh had already started walking again. I sighed irritably and trailed after her, racking my brain for any words that might help me get this whole situation straightened out.

We entered a classroom that I recognized to be as her English room. Her books were sitting on her desk, a note placed beside the large textbooks and binder. She picked it up and dumped it into her purse without a second glance but the blush forming on her cheeks told me that it might have been something important. I didn’t bother asking her what it was, the last thing I needed to hear was that it was from a fuckhead like Stone.

She lifted her books with her one arm and cradled them against her body, her lips pursing back into a tight line. Annaleigh turned to me and stopped in her tracks, letting out a large sigh.

“I get that it’s difficult having someone like Courtney after you all the time. It’s annoying having somebody prying in your personal life so often and it’s understandable why you wouldn’t want to tell me a lot about yourself. Just don’t…” she paused for a second and let her eyes drop to the floor. “Just don’t go around lecturing me about things you don’t know anything about. I can take care of myself, I’ve lasted this long.”

I nodded curtly and didn’t respond. The backpack on my shoulder felt incredibly heavy and now I realized how badly I just wanted to go home and sleep. More than anything, I wanted to go back home to Ottawa, then that way I wouldn’t have to deal with the drama that came along with being friends (as in actual friends, no benefits or anything) with a girl. Annaleigh just could never say things straight out, sometimes it was like being stuck on a riddle 24/7.

“Now, I’m heading home. Are you going to walk by yourself or are you going to come with?” Hm, walk home with Mary Poppins and avoid Boston or walk home alone and get killed by Boston. Either way, I was stuck somehow.

“I think that I’ll just walk home alone. I have some Physics stuff that I need to go over with Mr. Rocco. Plus, I’m not a huge fan of umbrella travel, MP,” I joked weakly. She laughed and gave me a small but shy smile before leaving the school.

Somehow, it felt like I had lost my only friend today.

Ben

I let a small growl escape the back of my throat as the guy fitting my suit tugged at the back of my slacks yet again. The dude had to be gay, there was no way that a man would willingly grab on my rear over six times in five minutes to fit any sort of pants. I could tell by the look on Parker’s face that he agreed with my thoughts, he was struggling to keep from laughing the entire time that I had been getting fitted.

“Shut up, Parker,” I mouthed at him and felt my eye twitch as the guy tugged the slacks up again. This was definitely not my favourite past time. If it had been a lady, it wouldn’t have been so bad. Hell, if she were old I wouldn’t have cared. It would have beat having the guy here grabbing on me still.

“Well Mr. Stone, it appears that we’ll have to pinch in some fabric at the waist in order to gain an appropriate fit,” the man said to me with a light French accent. I couldn’t help but wonder how grabbing my ass meant that I needed to have the waist fixed. This world is falling apart at the seams everyday.

“Sounds fine, do what you have to. However, I need them completely finished by next week. My father has an important business party that I’m performing at and I need to look sharp,” I replied while gritting my teeth slightly. The man nodded curtly and Parker waggled his eyebrows at me.

I slipped off the slacks and pulled on my ripped jeans again, grateful for the familiar feel of rough fabric against my legs. I didn’t care much for dressing up, it just didn’t feel like it suited me the way my battered clothes did. While Parker dressed in more preppy outfits, I preferred something more real. I didn’t always want to feel clean.

“It’s pretty bad when you get felt up by a French guy more than a real girl, Benny,” Parker whispered when I made my way beside him. I flung a hand out and smacked him in the stomach, causing him to laugh and grunt at the same time. A small grin of satisfaction plastered on my face.

“Admit that you’re jealous now that both genders are after me,” I joked and slipped my backpack onto my shoulder. Parker rolled his eyes and followed suit, his face pinched in disagreement.

We walked toward my car in silence and for the first time today, I noticed that Parker was slightly off. Normally, Parker would straight out say if something was bugging him if it was serious enough but other times, he’d stay quiet until someone else mentioned his brooding mood. Parker could be such a drama queen sometimes, only … well he wasn’t a girl, obviously.

“You seem kind of outta it today,” I hinted cautiously and Parker shrugged slightly, his eyes focusing on the road. We reached my car and he hesitated before entering the vehicle. Okay, something was definitely bothering him more than he’d like to admit.

“Do you…?” He began and let his sentence trail off, his face contorted slightly into one of frustration or annoyance. I was beginning to feel a bit agitated, I hated it when people were upset about something and just never said it straight out. I was a pretty open person, meaning that when something was bothering me, I said it straight out. There was no beating around the bush when it came to me.

“Do you…?” I copied and slipped into the seat of my car. Parker followed, nearly hitting his head on the roof. Parker pursed his lips a little and didn’t reply. “Look, Park, we’re best friends. You can tell me anything.”

Parker gave me a small smile and then nodded.

“Same to you, Benny. It’s just that… after the ‘Hamlet’ performance, Annaleigh Barker kinda bitched me out. Okay, not kinda. She completely owned my ass,” his cheeks tinted red and he actually looked embarrassed. Parker Vox never got embarrassed, not even when Curtis ripped down his shorts in gym class last year.

“Seriously?” I questioned, my interest peaked. It was rare for somebody like Annaleigh Barker to straight out express what she was feeling. Aside from her constant blushing, the girl was practically a robot. She hardly showed any emotion, only having it emerge after somebody trashed her consistently.

“Yeah, I mean, I feel bad about joking around in it now. The girl just wants a good grade and here we are, acting like we’re in junior high again,” he ran a hand through his curly hair, his mouth set into a sharp downward line. He was actually genuinely upset about ruining the performance for Ms. Priss.

I shrugged absently.

“We were just having fun. Overall, we got to the point, didn’t we? Aside from your pig comment, we were fine,” Parker slid down in his seat slightly.

“I couldn’t help it.”

“Jesus Vox, maybe Curtis is right. Maybe you do have something for Barker after all,” I teased and Parker gave me a dirty look.

“Oh yes,” he answered sarcastically and placed his hands behind his head, “I just have a thing for girls who have about as much personality as my dead grandma.”

“I would expect you to, Bethany was as boring as my dad,” Parker’s head shot around to glance at me, his face pinched in surprise.

Bethany was a short girl with tame, dirty blonde hair and boring blue eyes. She played in the high school band, as a flutist, and also managed to find the most simple clothes to wear. Aside from the fact that her body was practically the same as Megan Fox’s, there was nothing exciting about her. The one party she decided to show up to was the one that Parker had hooked up with her at. After many months of stalking, Parker agreed to date her, only to break up with her three days later.

“Bethany was… nice,” he finished, his sentence sounding unsure as he looked. I rolled my eyes and pulled into the drive way of my house, cutting the engine.

“Bethany was a waste of your time,” I pointed out and got out of my car. The door had to have been unlocked to the house, my dad’s car sat in front of mine. Unless somehow he resorted to actually trying to be healthy, I doubted he would have walked anywhere.

Sure enough, the door was opened and both Parker and I entered without a welcoming hello. A scowl formed on my lips and I slipped my shoes off, leaving them in the porch. If anything, maybe my dad would trip on them.

“Well you try being stalked for three months,” Parker mumbled and followed after me, making a quick stop to the kitchen to grab a bag of chips. “It was like having ‘Carrie’ in my life.”

I didn’t answer but instead sat on my bed.

Maybe Parker was right, we were a bit lame in our performance. Judging by Annaleigh’s expression after the play, she thought so as well.

I chewed on my lip.

Whatever, no point in crying over spilt milk.