I Wanna be Your Last, First Love

The sun was hidden behind huge grey clouds that were hanging over the small town of Stouffville, Ontario. A cold wind was blowing keeping windows to homes closed and steady streams of smoke from chimneys. Most of the townspeople were tucked away into their houses hoping that tomorrow would hold sunshine and suitable weather for a nice walk around town, or a skate on the pond in their backyard.

And then there were some people who were out in the extreme cold, embracing the winter weather with open arms. Two of them, were Michael Del Zotto and Taylor Hayes who were out on the pond behind their local recreation center. Michael was using half of the ice, shooting frozen pucks into a cardboard box. Taylor was using the other half of the ice, trying to learn how to successfully stay standing on the ice for more than a minute and maybe even move.

Taylor Hayes was a small six year old girl. Her hair was naturally straight and light brown. The color of her eyes was hazel, with small specs of blue scattering her iris which made her stand out from the other children around her that had the normal dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. Her clothes were simple although it had to be a good -12 degrees outside. A tight black sweatshirt was wrapped around her torso and below that was a simple pair of blue jeans that lasted until her bulky black ice skates that were laced up in bright white laces. Her personality was different from most other five year olds. Instead of staying inside today in the horrible weather, she was outside trying to learn how to ice skate like all of her other friends. She did not stop by any of her friends homes, she wanted to learn to skate on her own, she wanted to show her friends that she could do what they did all on her own. A small part of her actually wanted to ice skate, but her main reason was to stop the constant ridicule of being from Canada, the ice skating capital, and not being able to skate on ice.

Only a few feet away, was six year old Michael Del Zotto. Chocolate brown hair and eyes to match; he was exactly like a lot of other kids from Canada and just like others, he was madly in love with the sport of Hockey. When he was only three years old he attended his first Maple Leafs game, and from there he was infatuated with the sport. When he turned five years old, he signed up for his town’s pee-wee league. Unlike most of the kids that just go there to have fun and skate and learn to play, Michael spent hours on any ice he could find, with his lucky bag of pucks shooting them toward whatever he could put them into. (I.e. garbage cans, boxes, coolers, etc.) At the small age of six, he was determined to play hockey for the rest of his life. Unlike the girl across the pond, he was suited up in layers. First was a thermal, on top of that was a Boston’s Bobby Orr tee shirt, and then he had on a plain dark grey sweatshirt. Like the girl, he had on a simple pair of blue jeans, black bulky skates, and bright white laces. As he shot pucks at the net, he noticed the girl on the other side, and when she wasn’t looking, he turned and watched her.

Michael’s brown eyes landed on the girl as she moved her right foot forward, then her body bent down and as she was about to move her other foot, her ankle twisted in and she fell to the ice in a heap. Words filled the air, angry words, but only as angry as a six year old could get. Every other word was ‘stupid’, causing Michael to let out a laugh that broke the silence between the two young children.

Taylor’s eyes floated up until they landed on the boy across the ice from her. His stick was against the ice next to a few pucks, and his brown eyes were glued to her. The small boy’s arms were tightly crossed against his chest as he realized that the girl and he finally made eye contact. “What are you looking at?” her voice reached his ears and he smiled at her. Instead of automatically saying something back, Michael skated over to Taylor and stuck his hand out to help her up. With a heavy sigh, the girl grabbed his hand and he pulled her up back onto her feet.

They stood in silence for a few seconds before Taylor huffed and tried skating again. After two small strides, she fell back onto the ice. “It looks like you need help”, Michael said smiling caringly as he easily skated up to her and stuck out his hand. “Here, let me teach you.”

Ignoring the boy’s hand, Taylor pushed herself back onto her own two feet and looked at the boy. “I’m learning on my own”, she snapped and turned her back to the him although a small part of her wanted to accept his help. She didn’t know him, so she could still tell her friends she did it herself but her determination to learn on her own was too strong.

She went to take a few more steps when she lost her balance. Instead of hitting the ice hard again, Michael had caught her. “See you need help”, he pressed and with crumbling determination, Taylor looked up at the boy’s dark brown eyes and nodded keeping her small voice inside of her throat. “Really?” Michael asked a little shocked that she actually would let him help. She simply nodded and told him that she needed to learn to skate so her friends would stop making fun of her. To this, Michael frowned. “Friends aren’t supposed to do that”, when their eyes met, Taylor shrugged and took a deep breath.

“I’m Taylor Hayes”, she said smiling a little at the boy. Michael gave her a huge smile and stood in front of her, holding out his hands for her to grab on to. She held them, and the small child innocence took over the scene. He started skating backwards keeping her hands in his, she started moving and she smiled widely.

“I am Michael. Michael Del Zotto. I’m going to be a professional Hockey player when I grow up”, he looked at her and gave her a somewhat cocky smile. “You can be my biggest fan.”

Taylor looked at the boy and rolled her eyes. She informed him that when he made it to the NHL, she would only be his biggest fan if they were still friends, and he didn’t suck. When the word friends hit Michael’s ears, he looked up at her and let her hands go. He kept skating backwards and the girl kept skating forward, in the same speed they were moving when they held hands. Michael smiled a little and took a deep breath. “So we’re friends now?”

Her hazel eyes rose from her skates and met his. “If you want to, you don’t make fun of me like my other friends”, Michael chuckled and quickly skated away from Taylor. “Hey!” she called out and her foot work started to get messed up. The small girl was nervous now that her friend wasn’t in front of her keeping the skating rhythm. “I’m going to fall again!” Taylor yelled as she tried to remember how all of her other friends used to stop skating, but her small memory couldn’t produce an answer.

“Skate over to me!” Michael yelled from across the ice. Her hazel orbs met the boy standing next to his cardboard box across the ice. The bag of pucks was on top of it, and he was holding his hockey stick tapping it against the ice to keep her attention.

Taylor took a deep breath to calm her small body and started skating over to the boy, instead of keeping her eyes on her skates thinking about every move she made, she looked up at the boy and remembered the rhythm used to skate. By the time she was a few feet away she could skate without thinking about the rhythm. “Tilt your skates to the side a little!” Michael said once Taylor was within a foot of him. She nodded and turned her skates to the side and fell down.

Instead of angry words, she laughed and rolled over so she was sitting up. Michael stretched out his hand and pulled Taylor up onto her skates. She thanked him for helping her skate and gave him a huge hug. When she pulled away he said it was no problem, and then the ice fell silent. Michael was all packed up ready to leave, and now that Taylor could skate, she also had no reason to stay out in the cold. Her small mind started working and she turned to Michael. “Do you want to come over to my house for some Hot Chocolate and sugar cookies? My mom makes the best cookies”, with a lot of emphasis on ‘best’ Michael needed no time to reply to her. After they both walked over to the bench and changed into their sneakers, Michael and Taylor walked over to the boy’s house that was only a football field away from the recreation center. He walked into the house, dragging a now shy Taylor behind him. Walking through the house, he found his mom in the kitchen.

“Mom, this is Taylor. We’re best friends; can I go over her house?” Michael’s mom looked at both of them and gave them a huge smile. It was a Sunday afternoon and nothing relatively important was going on. She told Michael that he had to be home by supper, which was in six hours, and to call when he got there. With the okay from Michael’s mom, the two small children ran from the house, screaming thank yous as they ran through the open front door and down the steps. When they reached the sidewalk, they turned and started walking toward Taylor’s home.

Taylor let out a yawn, and put her skates over her shoulder. As Michael looked down the street trying to guess which house was Taylor’s she poked his shoulder. Michael’s eyes landed on hers as he looked at her in question. “So we’re best friends?” Michael looked at her for a second and smiled.

“Sure! If you want to. I like you a lot; you’re not annoying like most of my friends”, Taylor laughed put her arm around Michael’s shoulders. The boy, in response, put his arm around hers and they kept walking.

“Yes! You Michael, are my new best friend, and we’re going to be friends until forever”, Taylor said and looked over to see Michael nodding in agreement. As the two kids walked over to the small girl’s home, they both were smiling with the belief that the person right next to them, was going to be there until forever.

Michael and Taylor’s friendship lasted ten years. Living so close it was easy. After school, they would go to the other’s house and do homework. At dinner time, they would go back home and eat. On weekends after dinner they would go and hang out, usually at Taylor’s house to watch a movie. On some days where Michael had a hockey game at the recreation center, Taylor would go and watch. When it was an away game and she had permission from her mother, she would travel with Michael’s mom and watch the game with his family.

This was how their friendship went until they hit the age of thirteen. It was the huge number; it meant high school which meant that things were going to change. The night before school started, Michael and Taylor were sitting on the bleachers at the recreation center looking up at the star filled sky. After a week of acting weird around him, Taylor came out and told him that she was afraid they were going to drift apart. As soon as she let Michael know how she felt, he took her into a tight hug and sighed.

“We’re going to be friends until forever”, he whispered to her reminding her of their childish promise. Once he said that, Taylor believed no matter what happened in the next four years, they were going to stay together like they always had. That night they both went their spate ways, and the next day, the first day of high school, they received their schedules and found out they had four core classes together.

Freshmen year flew by them in a swirl of laughter and fun. At the end of the year when summer came, and they were back to their old ways; hanging out all day, eating dinner, and then either going to Taylor’s house for movie night, which skipped from Friday to Saturday depending on other plans. Instead of just Michael and her, they made the addition of Lisa and Steve. They didn’t affect the closeness of Michael and Taylor; however they did put ideas into their heads that made them think about each other in a whole different view.

Sophomore year came sooner than they had expected. Unlike freshmen year, their schedules were much less alike as Taylor dipped more into some artistic classes, and Michael stayed with the usual electives for guys, woodshop and foods. They only had two core classes together that year, but they also had lunch, which made up for the lack of seeing each other.

At the end of sophomore year, Michael had turned sixteen. Now, he was eligible to be taken by one of the OHL teams in Canada. Automatically, Taylor was happy for him, ecstatic even. Her best friend was living his dream by taking one step closer to the NHL. As she was celebrating, her friends had taken no time to notify her that when Michael hit the OHL hockey player status, she would become a sweet memory to him and nothing more.

For weeks her friends’ words had bothered her. Some days not as much, but by the beginning of the school year, when Michael was a secure player on the Oshawa Generals, the only thing she could think of was that promise they made when they were six, ten years ago.

The first weeks of junior year, before the season started and Michael would be around much less, she tried to stay optimistic but the signs were growing stronger and stronger every passing day. As they walked in the hall, more and more people would greet him. Every day she noticed him talking to new people, getting invited to new parties, and finding new girls to chase after that would never have batted an eyelash at him last year. Taylor was the furthest thing from jealous when it came to Michael dating. They set a pact when they were twelve that when they started dating, they would give their interest no problems, unless provoked.

Finally, it was Michael’s first away game, a test of sorts, and right after school he was leaving. After lunch which was fifth period, Michael promised after ninth period, he would meet Taylor at her locker to say goodbye. Taylor nodded, putting complete trust in Michael, but when the end of ninth period came around, she hung around her locker for fifteen minutes, waiting. Taylor received no huge hug from Michael or one last look at his eyes; he never showed.

Fuming angry, she called Michael. He didn’t answer. When she reached her house, a small hope was lingering in her mind that he was there, ready to apologize, but her home was empty. As she walked inside, she took out her phone and sent Michael a text asking what had happened. The rest of the night, she kept quiet, not saying much to anyone around her. The only thing she could focus was her blank cell phone screen.

Saturday afternoon was Michael’s game. Instead of going out to the movies with Lisa and Steve, she stood home putting the game up on her computer screen. With a bowl of popcorn and a new Oshawa general’s sweatshirt that Michael had given her on, she lay on her bed and watched the game.

The final score of the game was six to two. Michael had managed a goal and three assists for a four point game. A few hours after the game she received a text message from Michael, It gushed how sorry he was for blowing her off, but the bus had got there early and he needed to leave. Caving, Taylor accepted the excuse and congratulated him on the game. After that, she hatched a plan. She sent him a text telling him to come over Sunday night for a movie night since there was no school on Monday. It would be just like old times, him and her.

What Michael didn’t know was that at the same time he was receiving that text from Taylor, she was texting all of their close friends to come by Sunday night for a surprise party on Michael’s huge first four point game. It was to start at eight, so they needed to be at her house by seven thirty and it would last until whenever they wanted to leave.

The first text back was Michael, he told her that he missed her and it was a brilliant idea. The next flurry of text she received was ten of their close friends all calling her a genius. All of them confirmed that they were going to come, making a cage of butterflies open up in Taylor’s stomach. As their wings flapped viciously, she lay down in her bed and looked up at the ceiling. She had nothing to worry about. They were still as close as they ever could be.

At least, that what she had hoped.

Sunday night came and went. Their ten closest friends came, partied, offered Taylor some support, and left. A sick feeling washed over Taylor that night, but it never left. At eleven o’clock when Steve and Lisa had finally departed, Taylor stood alone in her house staring at the poorly put up streamers and empty cups. All of the food was out, but she touched none. Her stomach would rumble, but her body did not feel hungry. Her body felt beat-up, like it had been thrown around like a hockey puck on the ice. She was freezing even though the heat in her house was turned up to seventy and her eyes were red from the silent tears that rolled down her face. Her best friend had abandoned her.

After ten years of being so close, practically attached at the hip, Taylor had managed to understand Michael more than he understood himself. When they were together, she could tell what he was thinking, and in situations like these, she could tell what was going on.

Michael’s bus did not break down. Michael was not stuck somewhere with his team, or at a bus stop with a dead cell phone. He was not sick somewhere or lying in a ditch screaming for help. He was comfy and cozy at another party he was invited to, drinking with all of the popular kids at school and chasing girls that would never think about dating him, just taking him in a room for a night to keep up their reputation. As he had fun, he wasn’t thinking of his best friend, or her feelings, he was too drunk and too preoccupied.

Crying, Taylor managed to clean up. With anger, she took the streamers from the ceiling and tore them up. Putting the remains of the party in the garbage, she watched as her hands shook from the overwhelming amount of tears flowing down her face. When she was finished, she took the huge garbage bag to the back of the house and placed it into the huge green garbage can. Walking back inside, she could hear a loud pounding of bass. The kind of pounding that only occurred when you were outside of Hockey arena, or at a house party.

Instead of walking down the street, her mind and heart agreed it would be best to get inside and get to bed before her parents returned home and started asking her questions. The thought of finally losing her best friend was enough to make her physically ill, and bringing it up into a conversation would not do her any good.

That night, Taylor did not gain one bit of sleep. When her parents came in to check on her, she faked sleep, but as soon as her door shut, she got back up and sat on the edge of her bed. As she ran her hands through her hair and tears rushed down her face, she thought. Memories of Michael and her ran through her mind as the sick feeling in her stomach doubled. A pounding headache started in her head as she thought about all of the hours her and Michael had spent together, lying on the couch, or lying on the recreation bleachers staring up at the stars. She had felt the urge to throw up several times before she finally lay down at eight o’clock Monday morning. As her eyes connected with the ceiling, her tears dried and she managed to sleep, but only for an hour.

“Hey, Tay wake up”, the soft male voice ran through her head making her turn over in her partial sleep. Taylor was awake, but she couldn’t muster the energy to move or make an effort to show whoever was in her room that she was awake. Instead, she lay there, eyes shut, body still hoping maybe they would leave so she could go back to sleep before the thought came back into her head. “It’s me, Michael, Mikey?”

A wave of emotions washed over Taylor including the sick feeling she was just growing accustomed to last night. As her stomach knotted and her head started to pound again, she sat up and looked right into the dark chocolate eyes she wanted to see Friday after school, and yesterday at eight o’clock. When she blinked, and realized that Michael Del Zotto was sitting on her bed, she grinded her teeth and pushed herself to stand up on her bed. Not muttering a word, she walked over to the edge of the bed, took a step off and immediately spotted Michael’s shoes. She walked over to them, picked them up and walked over to him.

With a deep breath, she looked into his eyes. “Get out”, her voice was raspy from the hours of sleeplessness and crying. The sneakers fell into the boys lap and he stared at her like she was insane. As Michael called her name, she shook her head and picked up her cell phone, she knew what he was going to say, “I text you, I told you I couldn’t make it”. With a deep breath she shoved her phone in Michael’s face informing him in a rude tone that she never received the text message.

“I’m so sorry”, he said and got up walking over to her. Regret was the only emotion in his beautiful dark brown eyes. He knew he made the wrong choice at ten o’clock last night when he received a text from Steve, but it was too late. He had already made the mistake; he was already buzzed and already started flirting with an equally buzzed girl.

When he woke up this morning, the first thing he did was run to Taylor to try to patch things up, to apologize for hurting her, because he knew her well, and he knew that must have killed her. Last night the small part of him that screamed ‘You’re sixteen, go get drunk and have fun’, had taken over his thoughts, when he thought about watching movies with Taylor, it failed in comparison to attending a house party.

With a deep breath Taylor looked up into his eyes. Pain rushed through her and she looked up at the ceiling, tears running down her face. “I hate you”, she felt raging anger run through her veins. He had hurt her, and there was no fixing this. She tried to stop it from happening, but it was inevitable, he was bound to do this. “I can’t stand you”, words were forming in her mind. Michael only looked at her in complete shock, he could only think of one thing to mutter.

“Tay”, he went to touch her when she pulled away quickly and threw her phone down against the floor.

“No! No Tay, you don’t deserve to call me that. You blew me off twice in three days. I tried to throw a surprise party for you last night, all of our ten closest friends were there, but you never showed. I’m not good enough for your friendship anymore I guess. So why did you even bother to come over here if you could care so little about me”, she was screaming now.

Michael looked at her, mouth ajar. He had no words to mutter, not actions planned out. He knew she was going to be disappointed, but not to this point. In their ten years of friendship, he had never seen her so broken up before, or seen her scream with such anger. “I didn’t know it was a party for me”, he managed only to be attacked again.

“Oh, so if it’s only me then it’s okay to blow me off?” Michael went to speak, but stayed silent. There was no way he could fix this. More tears rushed down Taylor’s face and she shook her head. They both knew what was coming next. Michael was too scared to ask about it, and Taylor could not find her voice as it drowned in tears. A few more minutes ticked by giving Michael the courage to get up and walk over to her. Just as he set his hand on her tear-stained cheek, he looked into her eyes and instantly felt the urge to cry. He had ruined a beautiful thing, and he didn’t just mean her. Their friendship was perfect, and he had ruined it.

“I want you to get out of my life”, she snapped as she pushed his hand back to his side. “I don’t need a horrible friend like you. Ten years, and I mean nothing to you. Well good, go have fun, go get drunk, I never want to speak to you again”, Taylor took off downstairs knowing Michael would follow. She just wanted him out of the house, and once she got him to the front door, she would just push him out, slam it shut, and then run back to her room and tear down everything that reminded her of him.

The whole walk down stairs Michael tried to defend himself, begging her to rethink all of this, but there was nothing to rethink on Taylor’s part, she wanted him gone, she did not want to feel any more pain like she felt last night ever again. When they reached the front door, Taylor opened it and repeated in a calm voice to get out. Michael managed one more please before she gave him a shove out of the door.

“Take our useless ten year friendship”, she pulled off the Oshawa Generals’ sweatshirt she was wearing and threw it at him. “Your future, your dumb drunk friends, and go burn in hell”, with one good push, Taylor had managed to slam the door shut right in his face. As she did, she put her back against it and let the uncontrollable tears only available at the loss of a good friend stream down her cheeks.

On the other side of the door, Michael had finally found it in him to let a few tears slip out of his eyes. He may have been a boy, a hockey player, and unusually cold at times, but nothing he has ever been through made him feel the way he felt now. As he looked at the huge wooden door before him, and herd the heart-breaking sobs from the other side, he realized what he had done.

Turning on his heels and walking down the walkway he shut his eyes and shook his head, the burning sensation running from his nose down to his throat as his vision became blurry was new to him. Blinking the tears away he looked up at the sky and shook his head. He had a broken a promise to one of the most important people in his life. He had just successfully ruined a ten year friendship that he had always hoped would turn into something so much more.