When Doves Cry.
hate...
“Nice jacket, it suits you.”
Toshiya’s expression darkened at the compliment and he pursed his lips at the man sitting next to him at the bar, raising an eyebrow slowly. It wasn’t his jacket that he’d tugged on roughly, in a rush to get out the door. It was black leather, smelt like that damn expensive cologne Die wore, the cheap cigarettes Die smoked, the mint chewing gum that Die always kept in the inside pocket and tonight, Toshiya hated that cocktail of aromas that he couldn’t escape from and the fact that no matter how good it looked on him, it would always look better on Die.
“Can I get you a drink?”
After a second of confusion, it occurred to Toshiya that this guy was chatting him up, that sparkle in his eyes almost the same as the lusty shimmer that filled Die’s when they first met, ten years ago. That was the last time a stranger asked if they could buy him a drink and he said no, locking lips with that beautiful redheaded man and following him home instead. And so this time, Toshiya smiled and said yes, wondering where it would lead this time, generously ignoring the fact that Die was still waiting at home for him.
Tonight, Toshiya hated both him and their apartment, the two had changed so much and yet not at all, the good points becoming memories and the bad remaining and expanding. The ceiling in the bathroom still leaked occasionally, the damage becoming more and more each time. Die was still stubborn as hell and had suddenly grown irritatingly logical and boring. He was constantly stressed out and tired, dead set on pleasing everyone else, except for, it seemed, Toshiya. And the bassist had had enough.
He moved with the man to another table, somewhere in the quieter, darker parts of the club. He was young, younger than Toshiya definitely, and had a certain confidence that Die no longer possessed. He was quite short, yet masculine and laughed loudly and freely, his smile and laughter almost as enchanting as the guitarist’s but not quite meeting the same standards. Toshiya scolded himself inwardly for allowing his thoughts to return to his… whatever Die was.
He and Die were practically married, which was, at the moment, a curse. They were too familiar with each other, past the stage of being high on love and deluded by romance and things hadn’t been totally right for a while. They usually got along wonderfully, but lately, thanks to their fiery personalities and the stress put on both of them by their management and bandleader, things had started to get ugly.
And tonight, Toshiya hated Die because it was all his fault. All the bassist wanted was to get out the house and have a drink together at one of their old haunts, away from the worries and responsibilities that lurked at home. But, the older man just had to make it difficult, didn’t he? He had to put Kaoru first, try and please him and every other fucking person in the entire fucking universe, instead of spending some time with his lover like he used to do, not so long ago.
Toshiya growled inaudibly, watching the other guy’s lips without taking in the words he was saying. The man obviously wanted to sleep with him. He wasn’t exactly being subtle, what with the touches on his thigh and the way those eyes were practically probing into Toshiya’s, as if they were trying to hypnotise the tall bassist into leaving with him. But, Toshiya didn’t quite know what he wanted. This guy was gorgeous, fresh faced and promising, his tight jeans showing that he had much to offer. And hell, he was tempted, since tonight, he hated Die and his skinny, wiry frame and virtually non-existent arse.
So, he opened his mouth to accept the offer that had been made somewhere in the middle of the man’s endless speech, leaving with him for some coffee or whatever, and was cut off by the feeling of a light vibration on his thigh. He pulled out the phone after giving an apologetic look to the man opposite him, knowing who it was before he even looked at it. He grunted quietly at the name and opened the voice message by violently poking the button, a sceptical expression falling over his face at the sound of the older man’s subdued, slightly timid sounding voice, which, of course, tonight, he hated, just like everything else about Die.
“Hey… er, just to let you know, I set the TV to record that programme you wanted to watch… almost forgot though… and there’s some food in the microwave… it is actually edible… so you can heat it up if you come home tonight… oh, and your mum called… you’ll need to talk to her soon, so you better prepare yourself for that, hahaha… um, yeah, anyway… see you later… I love you.”
As he hung up, ignoring the woman asking him whether he wanted to delete the message or not, Toshiya felt a smile spreading across his lips, the first real one of the day. He himself had totally forgotten about the TV programme and it surprised him that Die remembered, since when he was talking about it, the guitarist looked like he wasn’t even listening. The smile grew wider at the thought of homemade dinner awaiting him, even chuckling at the fact it was ‘actually edible’. Die’s food always tasted good, but the first time Toshiya had eaten one of his dishes, ten years ago, he was genuinely and visibly surprised that Die could cook.
“Wow, it’s actually edible!” He had blurted out with his mouth half full, causing a look of mock offence to fall over Die’s face for a short while before he started to laugh, teasingly poking the bassist in the side with a breadstick for being so rude.
Again, he was surprised that Die remembered that, but it was definitely a pleasant surprise and Toshiya excused himself from the stranger’s company without really thinking about it, ignoring the disappointed look he received and moaning accompanied it.
Die’s last words were ringing in his ears, telling Toshiya he loved him over and over again. He looked at the time on his phone. Midnight. So, it was technically tomorrow and he was allowed to love him back.
He made his way back home, the lights looking brighter than they did before, even though they were exactly the same billboards and buildings he passed when he had left the apartment, fuming and blinded by anger, by hatred. When he entered his hallway, the key strangely loud in the lock, he was confronted by silence, not the deafening kind but the warm kind. He tiptoed to the bedroom, knowing that Die would be there, sleeping probably, judging by how quiet it was.
Sure enough, the older man was curled up in a ball beneath the duvet, his head poking out from the top of his linen cocoon, his auburn hair spread out messily on the pillow. Toshiya smiled softly as he walked over to the bed, sitting down on his side and silently watching him sleep. He allowed himself to gently push a strand of hair away from Die’s face and kiss the spot where it had been, pulling back as the guitarist’s eyelids slowly fluttered open, the soft smile still on his face as the older man looked up at him, sleepy and still a little uncertain. Well, he had good reason to be, since the last thing Toshiya had done was tell him that he hated him.
“Let’s not fight anymore…” Toshiya said softly, bringing his head down to kiss those soft, inviting lips, staying there a little longer than necessary, his fingers gently caressing the smooth skin of Die’s cheek. The older man smiled, closing his eyes and leaning against his lover, wrapping his arms around his hips to pull himself closer. The bassist relaxed, shifting to make himself a little bit more comfortable and running his fingers through Die’s silky, chocolate brown strands of hair over and over again.
Yesterday, he had hated Die but, today, he loved him.
Toshiya’s expression darkened at the compliment and he pursed his lips at the man sitting next to him at the bar, raising an eyebrow slowly. It wasn’t his jacket that he’d tugged on roughly, in a rush to get out the door. It was black leather, smelt like that damn expensive cologne Die wore, the cheap cigarettes Die smoked, the mint chewing gum that Die always kept in the inside pocket and tonight, Toshiya hated that cocktail of aromas that he couldn’t escape from and the fact that no matter how good it looked on him, it would always look better on Die.
“Can I get you a drink?”
After a second of confusion, it occurred to Toshiya that this guy was chatting him up, that sparkle in his eyes almost the same as the lusty shimmer that filled Die’s when they first met, ten years ago. That was the last time a stranger asked if they could buy him a drink and he said no, locking lips with that beautiful redheaded man and following him home instead. And so this time, Toshiya smiled and said yes, wondering where it would lead this time, generously ignoring the fact that Die was still waiting at home for him.
Tonight, Toshiya hated both him and their apartment, the two had changed so much and yet not at all, the good points becoming memories and the bad remaining and expanding. The ceiling in the bathroom still leaked occasionally, the damage becoming more and more each time. Die was still stubborn as hell and had suddenly grown irritatingly logical and boring. He was constantly stressed out and tired, dead set on pleasing everyone else, except for, it seemed, Toshiya. And the bassist had had enough.
He moved with the man to another table, somewhere in the quieter, darker parts of the club. He was young, younger than Toshiya definitely, and had a certain confidence that Die no longer possessed. He was quite short, yet masculine and laughed loudly and freely, his smile and laughter almost as enchanting as the guitarist’s but not quite meeting the same standards. Toshiya scolded himself inwardly for allowing his thoughts to return to his… whatever Die was.
He and Die were practically married, which was, at the moment, a curse. They were too familiar with each other, past the stage of being high on love and deluded by romance and things hadn’t been totally right for a while. They usually got along wonderfully, but lately, thanks to their fiery personalities and the stress put on both of them by their management and bandleader, things had started to get ugly.
And tonight, Toshiya hated Die because it was all his fault. All the bassist wanted was to get out the house and have a drink together at one of their old haunts, away from the worries and responsibilities that lurked at home. But, the older man just had to make it difficult, didn’t he? He had to put Kaoru first, try and please him and every other fucking person in the entire fucking universe, instead of spending some time with his lover like he used to do, not so long ago.
Toshiya growled inaudibly, watching the other guy’s lips without taking in the words he was saying. The man obviously wanted to sleep with him. He wasn’t exactly being subtle, what with the touches on his thigh and the way those eyes were practically probing into Toshiya’s, as if they were trying to hypnotise the tall bassist into leaving with him. But, Toshiya didn’t quite know what he wanted. This guy was gorgeous, fresh faced and promising, his tight jeans showing that he had much to offer. And hell, he was tempted, since tonight, he hated Die and his skinny, wiry frame and virtually non-existent arse.
So, he opened his mouth to accept the offer that had been made somewhere in the middle of the man’s endless speech, leaving with him for some coffee or whatever, and was cut off by the feeling of a light vibration on his thigh. He pulled out the phone after giving an apologetic look to the man opposite him, knowing who it was before he even looked at it. He grunted quietly at the name and opened the voice message by violently poking the button, a sceptical expression falling over his face at the sound of the older man’s subdued, slightly timid sounding voice, which, of course, tonight, he hated, just like everything else about Die.
“Hey… er, just to let you know, I set the TV to record that programme you wanted to watch… almost forgot though… and there’s some food in the microwave… it is actually edible… so you can heat it up if you come home tonight… oh, and your mum called… you’ll need to talk to her soon, so you better prepare yourself for that, hahaha… um, yeah, anyway… see you later… I love you.”
As he hung up, ignoring the woman asking him whether he wanted to delete the message or not, Toshiya felt a smile spreading across his lips, the first real one of the day. He himself had totally forgotten about the TV programme and it surprised him that Die remembered, since when he was talking about it, the guitarist looked like he wasn’t even listening. The smile grew wider at the thought of homemade dinner awaiting him, even chuckling at the fact it was ‘actually edible’. Die’s food always tasted good, but the first time Toshiya had eaten one of his dishes, ten years ago, he was genuinely and visibly surprised that Die could cook.
“Wow, it’s actually edible!” He had blurted out with his mouth half full, causing a look of mock offence to fall over Die’s face for a short while before he started to laugh, teasingly poking the bassist in the side with a breadstick for being so rude.
Again, he was surprised that Die remembered that, but it was definitely a pleasant surprise and Toshiya excused himself from the stranger’s company without really thinking about it, ignoring the disappointed look he received and moaning accompanied it.
Die’s last words were ringing in his ears, telling Toshiya he loved him over and over again. He looked at the time on his phone. Midnight. So, it was technically tomorrow and he was allowed to love him back.
He made his way back home, the lights looking brighter than they did before, even though they were exactly the same billboards and buildings he passed when he had left the apartment, fuming and blinded by anger, by hatred. When he entered his hallway, the key strangely loud in the lock, he was confronted by silence, not the deafening kind but the warm kind. He tiptoed to the bedroom, knowing that Die would be there, sleeping probably, judging by how quiet it was.
Sure enough, the older man was curled up in a ball beneath the duvet, his head poking out from the top of his linen cocoon, his auburn hair spread out messily on the pillow. Toshiya smiled softly as he walked over to the bed, sitting down on his side and silently watching him sleep. He allowed himself to gently push a strand of hair away from Die’s face and kiss the spot where it had been, pulling back as the guitarist’s eyelids slowly fluttered open, the soft smile still on his face as the older man looked up at him, sleepy and still a little uncertain. Well, he had good reason to be, since the last thing Toshiya had done was tell him that he hated him.
“Let’s not fight anymore…” Toshiya said softly, bringing his head down to kiss those soft, inviting lips, staying there a little longer than necessary, his fingers gently caressing the smooth skin of Die’s cheek. The older man smiled, closing his eyes and leaning against his lover, wrapping his arms around his hips to pull himself closer. The bassist relaxed, shifting to make himself a little bit more comfortable and running his fingers through Die’s silky, chocolate brown strands of hair over and over again.
Yesterday, he had hated Die but, today, he loved him.