Letter to Heaven

Dear Ethan,

I miss you so much. I haven’t been able to sleep since you’ve died. I thought that I would be able to move on, but I can’t.Especially not after today.

Looking through your stuff, I found it; in the way back of the closet, behind the guitar, sitting on top of the amp. I found the empty CD case that you were making for me. Truthfully, I didn’t know what to make of it until I read it. Then I couldn’t stop crying. The lyrics were beautiful, I just wish you had a chance to record them onto a CD. I looked on your computer to see if you had burned it already, but I couldn’t find anything.Maybe hearing your voice would have helped with the pain.

I’m so sorry Ethan. I know that I told you I would keep going; that I would live for you, but I can’t live without you anymore.Everyday I wake up and wish I hadn’t. Sometimes, I still wait for you to come back, and it hurts so much when I remember that you won’t. And the empty CD case; not being able to find the CD, in a way, made it official that you weren’t coming home. I just . . .I can’t. I won’t. I’m so sorry.

I hope that this somehow makes it’s way to youwherever you are in Heaven. And I hope that you will still be waiting for me. I wish I was stronger, so I could keep your memory going, but it a way, that’s the problem; it hurts too much to remember. But after today, you won’t be a memory. We’ll be together again. I love you Ethan.

Forever,
Olivia

Standing on the roof of our apartment building, I looked over the letter one last time. It was slightly crumpled from where I was holding it too tight, and there were cross outs strewn all over the page. Still, it said everything that I needed it to say.

Glancing out over the horizon, I could faintly see the sun past the other buildings as it made it’s way closer to the Earth. This was my favorite time of day. The time right before the sun set and the world had a tint to it. The Golden Earth was what Ethan called it.

Ethan.

Looking back down at the letter, tears formed in the pit of my eyes. It’s been two months since he died. Two long, horrible, lonely months. The night it happened, it had been snowing, and he had been going to fast. He saw the other car after it was too late. While in the hospital, he made me promise that I would be okay. I said I would be, but I’m the farthest from it. He died that night, and sometimes it hurts more knowing that I lied to him then him actually being gone.

I’ll be all right.

Folding the letter, I placed it back into the envelope and laid it flat in my palms. I closed my eyes as a gust of wind came and took it away, carrying to wherever it’s heart desired. I couldn’t help but smile at the faint sent of butterscotch that seemed to engulf me; butterscotch being one of Ethan’s favorites. Maybe, just maybe, he would get it.

When I opened my eyes, I could vaguely see the envelope dancing on the wind. Hopefully, that’s how it would feel for me; like I was dancing. I looked down at the ground below and saw that a tiny group of people had gathered and where looking up at me. I didn’t mind though.

With owing nothing more to this life, I turned around and let the wind push me over the edge. As I fell down, my hair danced around my face and for the first time in two months, I was at peace.

When I hit the ground there was no pain, and as I took my final breath and closed my eyes on this world, the sun slipped beneath the Earth.