All These Things I Hate

It had been a few days since Matt almost caught Zacky and I. I felt horrible for lying to him. I wasn't used to it. All my life, Matt and I have been closer than close. We shared everything. So of coarse it would feel unnatural.

But lately Matt's been giving me strange glances. Like he's worried. I don't know what he would be worried about. I just want to know what he's thinking so I can stop worrying. I know it's not about Zacky. because if it was then Zacky would be six feet under by now.

I thought about all of this while I sat on a swing in the park. The wind was blowing fiercely, causing my hair to fly in my face. Once I put my hair back into place, I saw Zacky walking towards me. I smiled a little as he got closer. But my smile soon faded as I saw the expression on his face.

"Zacky, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, don't worry about it." Said said as he sat next to me.

"Come on, you can tell me. What's wrong."

"It's just that, I don't know. I feel like there's something wrong."

"what do you mean?" I asked.

"With us doing this. Sneeking around Matts back. It just feels like maybe we shouldn't be doing this."

"So you don't want to see me anymore?" I asked.

"Yeah, I guess that's what I'm saying." With those words, my heart shaddard into a million pieces. I didn't know what I was thinking, fully giving my heart without so much as a thought to it. I knew everything was going too good. I knew there was something that was missing in this. That was Zacky. He was never really there. He just used me for sex.

Slowly, without looking at him, I got off the swing and started walking. To where? I had no idea. I don't think I really cared. I just had to get away from anyone. I wanted to be alone, like I was destined to be. It was obvious that I was meant to be alone, that no one wanted me. I just had to be strong. I heard him call out to me, but I just kept walking. I didn't want to be near him. Because he didn't want me. No one did, and that's the way it would stay.

*Zacky's P.O.V.*

I just left Matt's house. It wasn't a good idea to go there. Now I'm in a world of shit. My mind kept reapeting what happened over and over like a broken record.

flashback...

I walked into Matt's house. I was smiling beyond belief. How could I not? I had the perfect girlfriend. Well, she wasn't my girlfriend yet, but all I have to do is ask her and I'm sure she'd say yes. I'm almost positive.

"What are you all smiles about Baker?" Matt asked from the couch in the living room.

"Oh nothing, just been a good week." I replied as I sat down.

"Got some ass then huh?" He laughed.

" I wouldn't call it that." I replied as I thought about Breanna.

"Alright, who is she?"

"What?" I gave him a confused look even though I knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Well, you obviously met a girl, who is she?"

"Well, I can't really say."

"Well, it can't be that bad can it? It's not like you've been seeing ,my sister." He laughed. But his features became serious when I didn't laugh along with him. "It's not my sister, is it?"

"Yes, it is." I replied. I tried to keep a brave face. But to tell the truth, I was scared shitless.

"Break up with her or I'll kill you." Was all he said before he walked out the door.

So here I am, sitting alone on a swing regreting everything. Wishing that there was a way that we could be together. I've though of everything but there's no way to be together. I wish Matt was a little more trusting. I wish he knew how much I cared for her. How she changed my perspective on everything. How happy she made me.

I wish he knew how much I loved her.