You Rock Like Escape The Fate

$$$***one week later***$$$

---$$$---

I sat on the bench outside of school, waiting for my mom to come pick me up. It was after my little… spat with Nate, and I was regretting what I said. I could never hate him, no matter what he did. And maybe he told everyone about my dad because he wanted people to know why I hardly talked, or why, when I played soccer, I kicked with everything in me and probably looked like I might kill someone. Why I seemed to have so many problems with everything, and why I hung onto him and Hayley so often. I knew he cared about me, he and Hayley, and even Daisy were truly my closest family. The only thing that troubled me, was why he promised me he wouldn’t tell, why he would look at me the way he did and swear he didn’t… if he really did. That wasn’t the Nate I knew.

Why do I believe Alecza and her possie over Nate? Him and Hayley were the only ones that knew, so I figured the girls wouldn’t have any reason to lie. I loved Nate so much, he was my best friend, and now I was having some stupid fight with him over what a bunch of popular, overrated girls in high heels and mini skirts said to me. I can tell you right now… best-friend-fights really suck.

Someone filled the space next to me, and I assumed it would be Nate. I turned to find that it was a girl, with straight black hair, braces, glasses, and at least four books being carried in one arm. She looked at me and smiled shyly, then sighed sadly.

“I just wanted to tell you that that boy you hang out with, he didn’t tell anyone anything. I heard what Alecza tried to tell you, but I saw her passing that note around school with my own eyes. If it was anyone else, I would’ve let it alone, but I see how close you guys are and I wouldn’t wanna let this happen,” she said, her voice laced with honesty. Oh thank god, Nate wasn’t lying! Then, I was suddenly hit with the fact that I had told my best friend that I hated him. I had let him turn around and walk away with tears in his eyes, and storm down the street, when he did absolutely nothing to deserve it. Now I had no choice but to go after him and tell him how I actually felt…

“Thank you so much, I really owe you one,” I told her, standing up and pulling my cell phone out of my pocket and dialing my mom’s number. She smiled and nodded, getting up as a car drove over to us. She headed for the back door with a wave.

“I’m Liesl by the way,” I called after her.

“Katie,” she replied, smiling again as she drove away. I waved after her and then waited for my mom to pick up.

“Hello?”

“Hey momma,”

“Hey, Jessi sweetie… I’m getting in the car in a minute, hun, I just had to make sure your father was all comfortable before I left,”

“Oh, mom, it’s okay, actually I need to walk down to Nate’s and talk to him real quick, so I’ll just ask for a ride when I get there. Stay home and get some rest,”

“Are you sure, sweetie?”

“Yes, mom, it’s really important,”

“Okay, call me when you’re on your way home. Oh and Nate’s mom called me about ten minutes ago to ask if Nate had come home with us, she said he hasn’t gotten home yet. So when you find him, just let him know his mom is trying to get a hold of him,”

“Oh… wait he isn’t home yet? He started walking like an hour ago,”

“I don’t know, hun, just ask him,”

“Okay… I’ll see you soon, mom,” I said, hanging up after she said goodbye. Now I was worried. It’s only about a twenty minute walk to Nate’s house from school, there was no good reason for him to be taking so long. I slung my happy bunny tote over my shoulder and scurried down the sidewalk, thinking up all kinds of reasons Nate might be late getting home. I called Hayley and she told me she hadn’t seen him and not to worry, but I did anyways. He thought I hated him… That was not an easy thought to digest. I began to run when it started to rain, not wanting to get too far soaked. I ran under an awning and sighed, trying to fix my unruly hair, until I heard a blood curdling scream and a heavy BANG sound all around me. My heart shattered, as I ran as fast as I possibly could in the direction of the gunshot. I didn’t want it to be what I thought, I wanted it to be something else… someone else…

but it wasn’t.

“Oh my god, NATE!!!”

---$$$---

“Liesl! Liesl, wake up!! Jessi! Please, honey, wake up!” I heard voices saying all around me. One voice was Max, another was Hayley, another was Craig. I realized I had been screaming, because my throat was really sore, my whole body was covered in sweat, my face was so soaked with tears it was like someone had poured a bucket of them over me. I tried to gain my composure, but opening my eyes to see all the worried faces standing around me, just got me to cry more. Hayley was holding me, rocking me back and forth, murmuring that it was just a dream. Max was kneeling by my side, stroking my hair back, Bryan was next to him, looking down at me, and Ronnie sat behind Hayley on the bed. Craig was sitting on the edge of the bed, holding a tired Leila in his arms, holding my hand.

“I-It h-happened aaggain,” I stuttered, gasping for air and letting the tears fade away. She sighed and pulled away just enough to look at me, I was sure she could see the fear and pain in my eyes. Max just looked ready to cry, as did the rest of them. Even Bryan.

“Okay, you guys, she’s okay now, it’s alright,” Hayley breathed out, looking so relieved.

“What did I do?” I asked, hoping I didn’t overdo it.

“You kept screaming, you kept saying ‘no’ over and over, and you were squirming around all over the place. It’s the night terrors again,” Hayley mumbled. I sighed.

“I’m really sorry, you guys. I don’t know what got into me,” I told them all. Max shook his head and hugged me, squeezing a little.

“No, don’t be sorry, Jess… It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay,” he said into my hair. His voice broke and I knew he was trying not to cry. I hugged him back and nodded into his shoulder. He pulled away and stood, helping me off the bed. I grabbed Hayley and pulled her up, then gave her a huge hug. She squeezed me as hard as she could and I laughed a little. I was amazed at how strong she was, I hadn’t really seen her cry other than that night three years ago. The night she still hasn’t told me about.

I gave hugs all around, squeezing Craig and Max extra tight, and Bryan just backed away. I tried not to smile.

“Stupid jerk,” I said between fake coughs.

“Psh whatever, I’m not the one falling backwards on the stairs,”

“Ugh you’re such an idiot,”

“Oh my god, you guys! Not at friking four a.m. please!!!” Ronnie groaned, flopping back onto the bed. I shoved past Bryan and grabbed some clothes, then went into the bathroom to shower. I looked like death, to be perfectly honest. My skin was pale, my hair stuck up everywhere, tears were evident all over my face, and my pajamas stuck to my body, all twisted and messed up. I chuckled darkly at the look, and then did my normal morning routine.

Stepping out of the bathroom an hour later, I saw Hayley laying on the bed, Ronnie laying next to her and both of them snoring. I laughed to myself and snuck out, tip toeing as I shut the door and went down the hall. I peeked into Bryan and Max’s room, and Max was sprawled over his twin bed, his soft, quiet little snores seeming sort of soothing. I laughed at him as well and went to Craig and Leila’s room, to see Craig falling asleep, holding Leila close. She was sucking on her thumb in her sleep, murmuring and he was absent-mindedly stroking her soft, golden hair. I smiled and sighed. It may have only been about three weeks since we’ve been with the boys, but it felt like we had all melded into one, giant family. I was growing to love them all, and even Bambi was starting to grow on me, with her quiet and tomboyish ways. I shook my head and went quietly down the stairs. In the week since Bryan and I had our little talk, and since he wasinsanely hot again back to his normal, Liesl-hating self again, I felt like everything was in its place. Except now… the dreams were getting more and more vivid, and had finally evolved back into night terrors. This scared me, reliving the past was something I was not fond of.

I came down to find Bryan laying on the old living room rug, sleeping softly. This time, there was no xbox controller on his stomach, but then again I didn’t have to think about how much better he looked with blonde hair, because his bleached and choppy locks spreading out underneath his head. He was mumbling in his sleep, and I recognized a name. He was repeating it.

“Allison, Allison, Allison…” quietly as he rested.He looked like he’d been sent from heaven

I slowly approached his sleeping body, wishing I didn’t have to wake him up. I just really needed to

a) ask who Allison was
b) wrap his arm, which was definitely getting better
and
c) get him off the floor so his back wouldn’t hurt when he woke up

I was sort of scared, to be honest, remembering that this had happened before, and his reaction was not all that pleasant. I really did not want him waking up the sleeping beauties upstairs. I gently placed a hand on his shoulder, wincing when he moved. I was anticipating the freakout. I shook him lightly, watching his soft facial features flicker to life. His eyes slowly peeled open, and a very tiny, hardly even noticeable smile twitched at the corners of his lips as he rolled his head from side to side, trying to wake himself up. He groaned and sat up on his elbows, the smile erasing from his face as he came to.

“Morning?” I tried, standing up and offering a hand. He raised an eyebrow at me, but stood up on his own nonetheless. I just rolled my eyes and headed into the kitchen, reaching under the sink for the first aid kit. He started up the coffee machine and we sat down, and followed our routine. I laughed a little after we sat, sipping our coffee at the table, and he looked at me questioningly.

“It’s just, we do the same exact thing every morning, always quiet and the only time we didn’t was when a wolf tried to get in… I mean, we’re like an old- nevermind,” I said. I really hoped he didn’t catch on what I was about to say. An old married couple We both laughed a little.
“Yeah, well, I like it. Makes my morning easier,” he mumbled. I smiled and nodded. It was true. Instead of waking up and wondering what to do, we had something we planned on every time.

“Can I ask you a question?” I asked. He nodded cautiously. “Who’s Allison?” he looked caught off guard, and then a wave of pain flashed over his face. I suddenly felt really guilty for asking.

“How…?”

“You talk in your sleep,”

“Oh… Look, I’ll tell you about Allison, if you tell me about Nate,” he bargained. My heart cringed at the sound of his name, especially coming from Bryan. For some reason, that really scared me. I nodded silently and he sighed in return. “Okay well… We met in high school, we hit it off right away. We were going out within three months and we really loved each other…” he started. I gulped; maybe this was going to be harder than I thought. “Anyways, we both were okay on the subject of kids, you know, it wasn’t like a hard thing for us to comprehend. We both said that if we ever got married, we would for sure want a kid. I wasn’t like most guys, totally afraid of a commitment and such. She was so happy that I thought like that, so we stayed together all through senior year. The night we graduated, I asked her to marry me and she said yes,” he told me. I was shocked. Bryan got engaged at 18? I nodded, but my mouth was dry. Why was this so hard to listen to?

“We were engaged for a year, until she turned 18, and I was 19. Then, we got married. Just like that. Everyone said we were the perfect couple. I was actually really happy. She always had an agenda though. Always, she had to follow what was next on her list of things to do in her life. She had ‘get married’ checked off the list, and the next thing was find a career. Which she did, she always did what she set out to do. And the next was to have kids. One day, she just came to me, and said ‘I wanna have our baby, now, Bry,’ and just like that, it was her next goal, her next thing to check off,” he continued. My mouth wanted to fall open and hang that way, but I didn’t let it. It was a lot to take in. Bryan was married at the age of 19? His wife had a major agenda? He just followed her like a lost puppy?

“So, for the next few months, we tried. I was 21 at the time. Finally, we went to the doctor, we were getting worried because she still hadn’t gotten a ‘positive’, and when he sat down and gave us this sad look of sympathy, I knew something was really wrong. I guess you can say I expected what he told us next. She had a hostile womb… she just couldn’t ever have babies. I will never forget how vulnerable, how shocked she looked when he told her. I had never seen her in any situation when she wasn’t in control. I don’t think she’d ever been in one at all. That night, I walked into our room, and she was zipping up a suitcase full of her clothes and there were a bunch of papers on the bed spilling out of a folder. I asked her what she was doing, and she said she was divorcing me and moving to New York to follow a new path in her career. She said the doctor didn’t know what he was talking about… that I was the one with the problem. She blamed me for not being able to have a kid, and left me just like that,” he finished, seeming to find his coffee very interesting. I rested my head on the cool wood of the table, sighing.

“Oh my god…” I breathed.

“Yeah…” he replied.

“So… that’s why you’re so attached to Leila?”

“Well, she was born just a year before then, and that’s when we started touring with Craig as our singer. She spent the tour with us and I kind of felt like I had to be there for her when Craig wasn’t, to sort of make up for not being able to do it on my own,”

“But… it wasn’t you,” I reasoned.

“Well… I don’t know. I’ve always wondered if Allison was right, I mean what if the doctor was just telling us that to avoid telling me that I was the one that was messed up?”

“Bryan, don’t be ridiculous,”

“Well don’t call me by my middle name then,”

“Oh my god, whatever…”

“So… it’s your turn,”

“Nate? Oh… okay… Well, he was my best friend from 6th grade all the way to ninth. We were really, really close. Him and Hayley were like family, but I hadn’t really gotten close to Daisy yet, I only had just met her on our soccer team. We were friends, though. Anyway, so, uhm… my dad… he… he died the summer after ninth grade. And we knew it was coming, because the doctor said he only had about a year to live before that,” I said, my bottom lip quivering. I held back the tears, I had already cried enough for the day.

“Oh… I am so sorry…” he muttered, looking really sad. I nodded in thanks and continued.

“So, I had only told Hayley and Nate about my dad. I didn’t want anyone to know because I knew I would suddenly be pitied all around the school, and I hated that. I made sure that they knew not to tell, he promised me not to tell. So, just a few months before summer, someone had spilled the secret all over school. People kept looking so sad, every time I walked by and I realized it pretty quick. I was running all around school looking for him. Calling his name, telling him that someone told. I stopped to rest up and leaned against the lockers, and this really mean popular girl named Alecza came up to me with her little possie, and told me that she saw Nate passing a note around school about my dad. I was pretty heart broken, I really cared about him… after she left, I ran outside and found him turning the corner to start walking home and I called after him. I started yelling at him about why he told everyone, he promised me he didn’t. I was crying and trying to just get him to admit it to me, but he wouldn’t. He kept saying that he didn’t do it. That he would never do that to me. I just shook my head and told him… that I uhm…” I tried to say, beginning to stutter as the memories played in my head like a movie. I held back my tears harder. He just nodded at me to continue, but his eyes looked watery.

“I told him I hated him. I won’t ever forget how broken he looked when I told him that. He just turned around and walked away, only turning back to look at me once. He was crying… and that pretty much killed me. I called my mom to come pick me up, and she was on her way when this girl Katie told me he wasn’t the one that told. She said she saw Alecza and her girls passing the note, and didn’t want my friendship with Nate to end like this. I called my mom to say I would be walking to Nate’s to talk to him, and that I’d get a ride from his mom. She told me okay and to tell him his mom was looking for him, and that he wasn’t home yet. That really got me freaked out, because it doesn’t take that long to get to his house,” I told him. He just kept nodding, and when he looked at me it felt like he could see my pain, like he could read my past right off my face. No one ever made me feel that way when they looked at me.

“I went looking for him, and seeing as spring is rainy season for us, it started raining. I didn’t want to get soaked, so I went under this awning. I heard a gunshot and the thought immediately crossed my mind that it could be Nate. I don’t know how, but it did. It was pure instinct. I ran towards the sound and came into view of an alley just in time to see three guys running from Nate’s body, holding his wallet and the golden locket his mom gave him before she died. He was lying on the ground, and he had a massive gun wound in his abdomen. All I could think was that I had told him I hated him when I really didn’t. I ran to him and wrapped my arms around him, he was bleeding all over me but I didn’t care. I called 9-1-1 but it was too late. I kept telling him I loved him, I could never hate him, and then he said ‘I love you, Jess’ just before he died… and just like that my best friend was gone…” I finished. He looked down at the table, exhaled deeply, and ran his fingers through his bleach-blonde hair.

“I’m just really sorry,” he murmured. He honestly looked all kinds of sad and sympathetic. And that was what killed me. I got up and thanked him for the coffee, leaving my cup in the sink. “Any time. Oh and… thanks for telling me,” he said, standing up and putting his cup in the sink. I nodded quietly and stepped away from him, though he and I were so close, and walked outside to the cool, spring air of Michigan. I sat cross-legged on the porch swing and let a single tear slide down my face. The pain was slowly subsiding, I was slowly coming out of the hole that experience had put me in. I wiped it away and let my morning pass. And then something hit me that I hadn’t expected.

He was wearing a red, sleeveless shirt.