Blizzard Blackout

I nodded and walked across the room, I placed my hand on Dan’s shoulder and he moved away, nodding at me. I opened the door more and smiled at Brian politely. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“She was crying, I couldn’t get her to stop,” Brian held out Kalia and took a step back to hand me her car seat. “I figured you could make her stop crying, she always stops for you.”

“Its okay baby,” I whispered kissing her nose, it was red and cold. She sniffed, chewing on her fingers and laid her head down on my shoulder. “Just kiss her nose, Brian. It relaxes her and lets her know you love her.”

“You told me that,” he said as if he just remembered. He closed his eyes and sighed. He must have been up all night long with her. “Why’s everyone here?”

“Hang on a second, I need to get her inside,” I grabbed the car seat and went to push the door open but Brian did it for me. I slid inside and handed Kalia off to Dan. “Will you put some warm clothes on her, please?”

“Yeah,” he nodded and smiled down at Kalia. “Hey baby doll. Let’s go get you changed.”

“So?” Brian reminded me of his presence, so I turned and shut the door behind me before I stepped down a step on the porch. “Why is everyone here?”

“Celebration,” I whispered softly, glancing up at him as I wrapped my arms around myself. “I’m pregnant again, Brian.”

“You’re pregnant?” it seemed like his whole face dropped hearing me say those words. “With Dan’s baby?”

“Who else’s?” I laughed softly and took a deep breath. “He’s really excited. You should come in and join us.”

“Is that the whole reason you left me?” Brian snapped, his face filled with the emotions of rage; Hate, anger, sadness, betrayal and everything else that goes along with it. “Because I wasn’t happy to have a child again? You wanted someone who wanted kids?”

“Yes, is it that hard to believe?” I laughed cruelly at him for thinking anything different. “When you find out your going to be a father, you don’t run away like a coward. You enjoy it, it’s the best feeling in the world to know that you created something that would forever love you, not because they have to because they want to because you’re their parents, someone who protects them and teaches them. I wanted someone to love me and love my children. You don’t give a damn about them. If you did, you wouldn’t have run away from this,” as I ended it, I grew quiet. “I shouldn’t even have to tell you how a father is supposed to act, you should know it. You have two children who love you unconditionally. Trystan looks up to you, he thinks you’re the coolest person in the world and Kalia loves her daddy. I shouldn’t have to tell you this, you should know.”

“I do know it,” he said softly, his voice breaking as he spoke. “I love those two kids more than life itself. I was just scared. I was such a horrible father to Trystan when you were pregnant with him that I was afraid I would hurt you in the process of carrying Kalia. I ran, like a coward. I hurt you anyway, I hurt Trystan and Kalia. Your right, I should know better. I’m a piece of work, I tell you. I can’t do anything right by those kids because I can’t do right by anyone else, especially you!”

“If you would have just loved us, we wouldn’t be where we are now!” I shouted at him and stepped down the last steps to stand in front of him. “If you would have cared just a little bit more about your children and your wife and less about yourself and your poor, pitiful me excuses, you wouldn’t be here outside, you’d be inside celebrating the life of another child that could have been yours.”

“You wouldn’t want that,” he whispered harshly. “You never did love me.”

“You’re wrong. I loved you more then anything, I loved you so much it hurt,” I was crying by now. “But your right, I wouldn’t want that because I wouldn’t want another of my children to go through what Trystan and Kalia went through. They need their father; they don’t need a boy that wants to pretend to be a man.”

“I’m sorry,” he said simply, shrugging his shoulders. “What can I say, Kasey that will make it any better? I can’t go back in time and fix all of my fuck ups; I can’t go back and not cheat on you or not run away from my children. If I could, I would in a heart beat because I miss you, I miss our life. I miss being happy.”