Heart, Heart, Heartbreak

I couldn't believe what was happening, it all seemed so unreal, as if it was just a bad dream that I would wake up from soon with relief. But the relief never came. The hurt and suffering just continued, with no end in sight. I didn't know what to do, except stand there, frozen in place. Tears were threatening to burst at the back of my eyes, but I didn't want to give them what they wanted. I didn't want to show weakness.

So, instead, I stared her square in the eye with all the strength I had, and asked, "Why?"

She hesitated, opening her mouth to say something once or twice, and shutting it again. I could tell she was afraid to answer my question, but I didn't care. I wanted to know.

"Tell me, why?!" I finally shouted, hating the silence she was creating. Tears were now falling freely down my cheeks, but I let them, not caring anymore, "Just tell me... why,"

"Why what?" she said, looking down, avoiding my gaze. My cold, hard gaze.

My eyes flickered with anger, knowing fully well that she knew what I was asking, but still, I said, "Why? Why don't you like me?" in a soft whisper, squeezing my eyes shut in fear of letting more tears out. Raising my voice, I continued, "Why him?" By now, I was shaking, but still, I said, "Just... why?"

She took in a breath, looking up, "It's not him. I really did love you, but it's crazy to love someone who hurt you and it's crazier to think that someone loves you when they're hurting you,"

"How am I hurting you?" I asked, deeply hurt and confused, "And you hurt me before, too. You broke up with me before, remember?"

"Yeah, but it was because my family didn't accept me... that way,"

"The reason doesn't really matter, you still hurt me!" I yelled at her, forwarding towards her. She backed up, startled, and bumped into the brick wall behind her as I continued advancing until I was an inch away from her, then I whispered in her ear, "I had a reason, too,"

I heard her inhale quietly as I hissed, "But you don't care,"

Abruptly, I was thrown back as she pushed me off of her, "No, you lied to me. You avoided me!"

I gasped, surprised, "I didn't lie to you,"

"You told me your mother didn't want us to be together, and completely threw me away!"

"That part was true,"

"Yeah, but still, you hurt me. You blocked me and didn't talk to me for a month. Then, you wanted me back from nowhere," this time she was the one squeezing her eyes shut, willing the tears to go away, "Even if he doesn't like me... I don't want to talk about him. Really, I just..."

She paused, looking up at me from her crouched position. I took a step forward, and she shook her head, "...don't like you in that way. You are pretty and you have a great personality, but I wasn't made for you, and neither you for me,"

As she turned and started heading toward her house, I watched her walk away, remembering the happy times, when we were in love and I felt like I was the luckiest girl on the planet. Why did I have to go and screw things up so badly? If I hadn't have broken up with her months before, then at that moment, she could have still been mine.

Walking home, I realized that she would never be mine again. I had to stop and sit down for a few minutes and just cry, because I couldn't bear the thought of arriving at my house in such a mess. I blamed myself, for being such an idiot. But there was nothing I could do.

I guess I would just have to live with another heart, heart, heartbreak