Green Porcupine

"Birthday!" Tre yells waking me up abruptly.
"Happy Birthday Tre." I say as I hide under my pillow.
"You're my present and I'm unwrapping you." He says evilly.
"Later," I murmur, "After breakfast."
"But it's my birthday." He whines.
"It will still be your birthday tonight." I mumble.
"Shower with me then." He smirks.
"Okay." I say dragging my sorry butt out of bed and into the washroom. "Old man genitals."
"Are not!" he says upset.
"Oh yes, you said it's your birthday! You're old and those are you genitals!" I say still pointing.
"Old lady titties!" He yells pointing at me.
"I'm still young and perty!" I say turning away from him.
"You're only six months younger than me!" he says exasperated.
"So?"
"Take it back! You know you find my Tre squad irresistible." He says smirking.
"Damn you!" I say, "You are irresistible, and damn you for waking me up so early."
"Your titties are perty too." He says smirking evilly as I slap his arm.

"33 . . . . 33 . . . . . 33 . . . 33 . . . 33 . . . 33," I say annoyingly at breakfast.
"That better be the number of times you fuck me tonight." Tre says biting into his waffle as his cell phone rings. "Oh hi mom, yeah Australia is beautiful, thank you, see you soon." I laugh uncontrollably.
"What?"
"Funny how you turn from ultra-pervert to mama's boy in a split second." I tease.
"33 years of experience."
"Oy Tre! Happy Birthday!" Billie yells from the other side of the hotel restaurant. Adie and Billie walk over to our table and sit down.
"Where's Mike and Cassie?" I ask as they flip through the menu.
"Having really hot sex!" Billie says a little too loudly. "No wait, there they are." Cassie and Mike walk up to the table.
"Hear that Cassie, apparently we're having really hot sex right now and we're fully clothed." Mike says laughing.

"So I'm new to this, is there something you guys usually do on birthdays?" Cassie asks after they have ordered.
"Oh oh! I want to get slightly drunk then have really hot sex!" Tre says happily.
"Same as every year." Adie says putting her glass to her mouth.
"No there have been years I've gotten piss drunk and it disabled me from having any sex at all, let alone really hot sex." He pouts.
"I'm sorry." Adie says in mockery.
"Happy Birthday Tre!" Joey, Jakob and Estelle say running up to our table and handing Tre a box wrapped in newspaper. Tre looks at them suspiciously and opens the box.
"Airline peanuts!" he yells pretending to scold them. They just laugh.
"We took a whole bunch when we got off the plane." Estelle says happily.
"Thieves! Arrest them!" Tre yells as the three of them turn beet red. "Go scamper off and leave me with my nuts." The kids ignore him and sit next to their parents.

That night we head to a bar/club on the beach.
"I get first dance with birthday boy!" Billie announces as we walk toward the dance floor, subsequent to a couple of drinks. "Mike get your ass over here, you're joining us."
"Oh ménage a trois!" I say evilly.
"How did you know about my double life?!" Tre jokes as the three of them start moshing/night at the Roxbury dancing.

"That was amusing." I say as I take Tre back to the dance floor.
"I'm glad you think so." He says wiping a bead of sweat from his forehead.
"Grinding already?" I comment on his forward dancing.
"Yes, well I take pride in my grinding skills." He says evilly.
"Why you horny bastard." I say rolling my eyes.
"No, my parents were married when they had precious ol' me."

Several hours later we find ourselves in the hotel lobby.
"You think they'll mind that we ditched them?" I ask as Tre starts mauling my neck.
"Hmm, who cares?" he asks guiding me into the elevator.
"You do know there's cameras in here." I say as he pushes me against the wall.
"Oh right." He says mooning the obvious security camera in the corner. "That better?"
"You're too much." I say as the elevator doors open and we make our way through the hallway.
"I know." He says pulling me into the hotel room.

***

I wake up and realize Tre is still sleeping. He had a concert the night before; I should really let him rest.
"LET'S GO TO THE BEACH!" I yell jumping on the bed.
"Holy fuck Bianca, you nearly gave me coronary!" Tre says, sprawled out on the floor.
"So you want to go to the beach?" I ask innocently.
"Will you be naked?" he asks raising his eyebrows.
"Nope."
"Then no." he says climbing back into bed.
"I'll be in a bikini." I whisper into his ear.
"Is it itsy bitsy?" he asks.
"Come to the beach and tell me yourself." I say getting out of bed.
"You're a torcher, you know that!" Tre yells after me.
"Yes I know!" I yell back as I grab my bathing suit and slip it on, out of Tre's view. I put a skirt and t-shirt on over my bathing suit before heading back to the bedroom.
"Darn it! You're dressed." He whines.
"Yeah, so you'll have to come to the beach with me!" I say happily.

We eat breakfast in the hotel room before skipping down the hallway. On the way to the elevator we knock on Billie's door followed by Mike's door.
"We're going to the beach!" Tre yells.

We walk down the strip to a place on the beach where there aren't that many people.
"Now for the reveal." Tre says evilly as I roll my eyes. I take off my skirt and t-shirt and kick off my flip flops.
"I'm going boogie boarding." I announce as I walk toward the board rental place.
"What no! Come back!" Tre yells as he follows me.
"What you expected me to come to the beach to look pretty?" I ask him quizzically.
"Well not exactly." He mutters.
"One boogie board." I say handing the rental place guy five dollars.
"I'll take one as well." He says reaching into his pockets. "Thanks," Tre says picking up a red board. "When was the last time you boogie boarded?"
"Urgh, hard to say, it's been a while." I say paddling out into the water.
"Oh oh! Here comes a good wave!" Tre exclaims happily as we change direction. The wave picks us up and pushes us forward.
"WOOHOOO!" I yell happily.
"WEEE!" Tre yells childishly. We stay out catching some awesome waves before heading ashore.

We get ashore and see Billie, Adie and the kids walking up the beach.
"Since when do you surf?" Billie asks me.
"I don't, I boogie board." I say lifting the board a bit.
"Race you to the water!" Joey yells punching his brother.
"Hey! No fair!" Jakob says running after his brother.
"You really leave nothing to the imagination." Adie says referring to my bathing suit.
"You're telling me." Tre says happily.

We get some fruity drinks from the bar and sit on the beach chairs under the shade.
"Hello people." Cassie says as she and Mike sit with us.
"Oh dad! Can I go boogie boarding?" Estelle pleads.
"Not by yourself." He says.
"Can you come with me?" she asks.
"Maybe later, I'm still tired." Mike says putting sunglasses on.
"Tired my ass, you have a hangover!" I say as he puts his finger over his mouth as if to say shut up. "I'll go with you Stella; I was just about to go back anyway."
"YAY!" she says grabbing a board and running towards the water.

I help her onto her board and we paddle out into the water. After a few waves we decide to stop for a while.
"I'm going to play with Joey and Jakob now." She says scurrying off. I pick up her board and walk back to where everyone is sitting.
"Where's Stella?" Mike asks lazily.
"She got eaten by a shark." I say sarcastically, "She's with Joey and Jakob."
"Okay." He says going back to being seemingly sleeping.
"So how much did you drink last night?" I ask annoyingly.
"Too damn much." Cassie answers after Mike remains silent for a few moments.
"He got totally wasted!" Billie says excitedly.
"Everyone please shut up!" Mike groans as he turns on his side.
"Awe poor Mikey, too much Jack Daniel's got the better of you." Adie teases.
"For fuck's sake it was tequila, damn tequila." Mike says shifting his weight.
"I'm going boogie boarding, you want to come Mikey?" Billie asks in a mocking tone.
"Leave me alone. Please!" Mike says with much anxiety.