Life to Live

Solaire looked up, startled, at Deus, who was staring back with a look of determination.

“What?”

“You can prevent her death,” Deus repeated, “through me.”

“…through you,” Solaire said mechanically. He felt as if someone had thrown a bucket of tar into the whirring gears of his mind, messing up the machinery and forcing thought process to grind to a chaotic halt.

“Yes,” Deus confirmed, not seeming to notice Solaire’s sudden blank expression. “I am this family’s guardian angel. I can only help them so much, because I can only interfere with their lives to a certain extent.”

“Ah.” Solaire was trying to understand what this had to do with him. He wasn’t very successful so far, and looked up questioningly at Deus, hoping the angel would notice and explain.

Deus was looking at Solaire steadily, and suddenly his hesitation returned with a vengeance. He looked, strangely enough, almost scared to continue and elaborate on his words.

“So…how am I supposed to save them through you?” asked Solaire, seeking comprehension.

Deus gave him an uneasy look. “Since you made that promise,” he said slowly, “I, as this family’s guardian, have come to answer this promise.” He paused, clearly unsure as to whether he should continue.

Solaire waited patiently, curious.

“…since you have made your promise…” Deus now looked as if he was struggling to spit each word out. The pause was so long Solaire started to wonder if Deus was going to say Solaire had to kill himself, although how his spirit would die he was entirely oblivious.

“I am obliged to grant you a wish,” Deus finally said in a rush, forcing the words out. “You can wish for whatever you want, and you can wish for my family’s safety.”

“Oh!” Solaire smiled. “That’s wonderful!”

“Yes,” Deus confirmed quickly. “It is.”

Solaire’s smile dimmed slightly; his delight at this revelation became mystification. “But then, why did you seem so scared? Do I have to kill myself or something for this wish?”

“No…” Deus looked positively terrified.

“Then what? You’re so freaked out…is it the wish? What would I do besides help your family?”

“You might—” Deus cut off. He’d been about to say something important.

“I might what?” Solaire knew he sounded mean but couldn’t help it. He was deathly curious
as to what Deus was about to say.

Deus seemed to be thinking to himself, ‘If you don’t know, should I tell you?’

What was Deus getting so worked up over? A wish, Solaire thought. “What would I do with a wish, besides—” He cut his sentence short. A look of intense fear came into Deus’s eyes.

“…I could wish to go to Heaven,” said Solaire, sounding wonderstruck. Here was a new way. “I could wish to be with Arianne…”

Deus groaned and buried his face in his hands. “Please,” he whispered. “Don’t let my family suffer.”

Solaire sighed. Everything had to be so difficult. “If I wished that,” he said calmly, “would you grant it?”

Deus nodded, his face still covered. “Yes.” His voice was muffled and sad, as if he already knew that Solaire’s mind was set.

Solaire seemed to consider it for a moment. Arianne or Deus’s family? Yet the choice was not so hard to make…