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"So tell me about this Ian guy. Not the one that I know; the one that you used to date. What was wrong with him? Why did you break up with him?"

I frowned. "It's not really important, Josh."

"Did you love him?" There was an indecipherable note in his voice. I couldn't tell whether it was pain or envy, but it frustrated me either way.

"You don't get to ask that, Josh. And you sure as hell don't get to be upset about it."

"What? Why?"

"Because you had Stacey. And you loved her. And there was nothing I could do about it. So my past doesn't matter any more than she did."

"How many times are you going to bring her up just to put me down?" His voice climbed in volume. "Why can't we ever get past it?"

"We're past it! That's why I don't think it's right for you to get worked up over an ex of mine! How is this any different?"

"Because you're the reason things didn't work out with her, Becky! That was your fault!"

His words stung worse than if he'd actually slapped me. My chest tightened and my eyes were brimming with tears. I couldn't breathe. Suddenly, my ears were ringing. The ringing grew steadily louder, and the entire scene shifted. Josh was gone. His bedroom vanished. I was standing in the kitchen at my apartment, and I clamped my hands over my ears to shelter them from the incessant ringing. It was a smoke alarm. Matt appeared beside me.

"Beck! We have to go! Markie is already outside. We need to get out of here! The whole building is on fire!"

I shook my head, my hands still pressed firmly against my ears. "No! I need to find Josh!"

"Forget Josh! You're past this, remember?"

"No!" I pushed past him, rushing down the hallway toward my room. "Josh! I can't make it without you! You've got to come with me! I've got to save you!"

Matt followed me, pulling at my arm. "Beck, we have to go!"

"Josh!"

I broke free once more and pushed my way into my bedroom. Josh was sitting on the edge of my bed. He looked up at me with wondering eyes.

"Do you love me, Becky?" His voice was soft. He didn't seem to care at all that flames were beginning to lick the walls around him.

"I love you!" Tears were racing down my face.

His eyes were suddenly vacant. "You've already saved me."

I sat bolt upright, inhaling deeply. I looked across the bed and found that Josh's side was empty. There was no way that he was awake this early. He hated mornings even more than I did. I reached up to rub the sleep from my eyes and found that my cheeks were wet with tears.

"It was just a dream," I whispered to myself.

My legs were shaking as I tried to stand up. I make my way out of the bedroom and down the small hallway. Josh was curled up into a tiny ball on the sofa. I sat next to him, then leaned down and rested my head on his side.

He stirred, then looked up at me. "Morning."

"Why are you out here? I missed waking up with you next to me."

He gave me a tired smile. "You didn't feel that way last night."

"What do you mean? Am I missing something here?"

"It would seem that way. What did you dream about?"

I looked away. "Nothing important."

Josh sat up and leaned against me. "Then why am I on the couch? Just tell me, Becky. I know it's bugging you."

"What did I say to you?" I wondered aloud.

"Something about me being an asshole. And I think there was a 'fuck off' thrown in there somewhere, too. But don't feel too bad. You yelled that you loved me later on. It didn't sound very loving, but the words were there."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of it, I swear."

His lips met my hair. "Tell me what has you so worked up. I worry about you, babe."

I sighed heavily. "Shannon said something about Markie yesterday, and I guess it shook me up more than I thought."

"And how do I come out looking like the asshole there?"

"She made me feel really insecure. If she thinks Markie isn't good enough for Matt, then-"

"Wait, what?" Josh interrupted me with a childish peal of laughter. "Matt and Markie? I'm sorry, but just because he's a nice boy and she's a nice girl, that doesn't mean that they'll live happily ever after. I think that would be a weird pairing, to be honest."

I scowled at him. "Can you let me finish, please?"

"Sorry. Go ahead."

"She made me wonder if I'm good enough for you. And it led me to have a really messed up dream about having a huge fight with you. And then you didn't want me to save you from a burning building, and Matt was trying to get me out, and I wouldn't go without you, and-"

"Shh," Josh wrapped his arms around me and held me tighter. "It's okay now. If it matters, I would totally let you save me from a burning building."

"Surprisingly, that kind of helps."

"So are you okay?"

"I will be. I'm sorry that you had to sleep on the couch."

"I'm sorry that your subconscious ever had any reason to doubt me."

"But it wasn't justified," I argued. "I'm always doing this lately, and I hate myself for it. I let something get to me and make me doubt everything, even though you've been nothing but good to me. There's nothing that would make me worry if it was always just you and me."

"Then pretend that it's just us. Nobody else matters, okay?"

I nodded slowly. "Speaking of 'nobody else,' when are we picking up Markie?"

Josh smiled warmly. "Actually, she came to see you. So you're going to go and pick her up whenever you feel up to it, and you're going to spend the day alone with her. Then you'll come home to me and you'll spend the night alone with me. That is, if you don't still want to kick my ass in your sleep."

"I think that this little talk helped. So I should be okay."

"Good. Now go and get ready. Markie's probably already waiting for you."

I snorted. "She won't get out of bed for another hour."

"Not even to sneak into Matt's room?"

I frowned, considering his point. "I'm going, I'm going," I assured him, getting to my feet and rushing for the bathroom to have a shower.

Markie was still in bed when I got to my apartment. Matt was sitting on the couch, eating a bowl of Corn Pops. I poured myself a bowl and sat next to him. We watched some cartoons together while we waited for Markie to wake up.

When she finally entered the room, she looked a mess. Her hair was piled up on the top of her head, and her eyes were smeared with remnants of the previous day's makeup. She flopped down on the couch next to me, observing Matt and I.

"Is this how the two of you spend every morning?"

"Nope," Matt told her. "Sometimes we eat Mini Wheats."

"Or Nesquik," I agreed.

"Wow. You live such exciting lives," she rolled her eyes sardonically.

"Yup," I brought my bowl up to my mouth and slurped the milk loudly. "What do you want to do today? I'm all yours."

She pursed her lips as she thought. "What would you recommend? I don't have a lot of extra money, so if we go shopping it'll only be window shopping."

"Well, we can just go downtown and see if anything catches your attention. That could be fun."

"Sure. I'm really up for anything."

Matt and I refocused our attention on the television as Markie left to get ready. I could hear her turn on the shower, and I looked over at Matt. He sipped his orange juice, then noticed me watching him.

"What's up?"

"Have you woken up to find her standing over you in the middle of the night yet?"

He shuddered visibly. "Nope. I intend to keep it that way."

"I don't think she would ever actually do that, don't worry. What do you think of Shannon?"

"That girl at your work? She's alright I guess. I haven't really talked to her. Why?"

"No reason."

He surveyed me critically, but didn't ask anything more. He looked back at the TV. "You're okay, right?"

"Yeah, I'm great. Stop worrying about me. You brought Markie here for me; I couldn't ask you for anything more."

"Good. Keep that attitude."

I laughed. "I'll try my best."

It wasn't long before Markie was racing down the hallway toward the door. She was suddenly extremely excited to see more of Vancouver. I was happy to have the chance to show her around; there weren't many opportunities for me to appear to be knowledgeable about the city.

Lately, my life had been more normal that I was used to. With Markie here, it didn't seem so crazy at all. Her presence seemed to bring me some sort of peace. I didn't realize how much I associated myself with Matt and Josh until I had the chance to step back and look at myself. I wasn't the girlfriend and best friend of rockstars with Markie. I was just Becky.

And I had to admit, I liked being just Becky.

But these days, it wasn't often that I distanced myself from Matt and Josh. Even when I was with Leilani, she was Mike's wife. Everything led back to the band. And I was okay with working my life around that fact. But it was nice to get a break from it every now and then.

If Markie dated Matt, she would be a part of that world. She wouldn't be my escape from it anymore. But I couldn't deny how happy she was around him. As much as I would have liked to protect her from everything that came with dating a musician, I couldn't prevent her from pursuing what she wanted.

As I watched her gaze into a nearby store window, I knew that I was going to help her to achieve anything that she set out to do. She had, after all, been the one who stood by me through everything that I'd done once Josh had re-entered my life. She had given me the occasional push when I felt weak or unsure. And I was going to do the same for her.

"Hey," I caught her attention as we walked by a store that caught my eye. "Let's go in here. This shirt on the mannequin would look really good on you."

She backtracked to see what I was referring to. "I think that silver thing would look pretty cool on you."

"What is that thing anyways?"

"A waste of money, that's what it is. Come on, let's go check out that place up there."

"Lead the way."