Shiny Celebrity Skin

For the duration of the car ride to the movie theatre, Josh was practically silent. He was pretending to be entranced by the streets and buildings that we were passing, but I could see that he was deep in thought. I shook my head at him as I imagined what he was probably considering. He held my hand as we walked into the cavernous lobby, and he seemed to be trying to keep me close.

"Markie, do you want to grab the tickets while I get in the concession line?" Ian asked, pulling some cash out of hs pocket and holding it out to her.

She nodded her blonde head. "Yeah, sure. Becky, you and Josh should do the same thing."

Josh and I glanced at one another discretely, then I made the decision for him. "Alright, that sounds good to me. You boys should get to know each other."

Josh tried to hold in the contemptuous expression that was threatening to tear his face in half. It was like I had betrayed him. I fought back a laugh and nudged him encouragingly.

"Right," he nodded, still looking down at me with uncertain eyes. "You want an iced tea, Becky?"

"You got it. Thanks, babe."

"Alright, let's go Chester."

Everyone stopped short, staring at Josh incredulously.

"Chester?" I repeated.

Josh gaped back at me, looking just as confused as I felt. "I just opened my mouth and it came out," he whispered.

"Yeah, but... Chester?" I spoke the word as though it were evidence of Josh's utter stupidity.

"What the hell?" Markie looked thoroughly amused by the exchange between Josh and I.

"Josh is having issues with Ian's name, for some reason," I explained. "He gets confused between this Ian and his friend back home. So, naturally, he decided to give him a nickname. Apparently he chose Chester."

"I'm terrible at improvisation," Josh hissed at me. He turned to Ian. "Sorry, man. I didn't mean anything by it."

"No, it's cool," Ian laughed it off. "I think I could pull off Chester."

The two of them walked away, Josh hanging his head in embarassment. I finally allowed myself to laugh once they were out of earshot. Markie joined me, covering her mouth daintily as she giggled.

"Is he okay?" She asked me.

I nodded. "Yeah, he's fine. He's just... jealous. It's stupid, I know, but he feels insecure with Ian around. He's never met one of my exes before. Speaking of, how are things between you two?"

"Oh my God, he is so amazing. I'd tell you that you're a moron for letting him go, but I'm glad that you did. He's just so perfect! Seriously, how did you ever walk away from him?"

I shrugged. "It's hard to truly appreciate someone when you're still in love with someone else."

Markie rolled her eyes, as if it were a reflex and not a conscious decision. "Oh man, I forgot how much I hated you when you got like that. You've got him now, so please don't regress into that hollow girl that you were before."

I leaned away, feeling almost a bit offended. The line moved forward again, but I remained where I was. "What? Markie, you can't be serious. I'm a little unsure what you want me to say, but I'm sorry that I couldn't keep a steady boyfriend before. But you know that I couldn't let go of that hope. It was all that I had."

She had followed the line, then turned and stared at me. "Come on, Becky, you're holding up the line. I didn't mean anything by it. I just remember that you were - and still are - the person that best understood me and you always stuck by me. But when something started going good with a boy, you freaked out and receded within yourself. It wasn't hope, it was fear. You were scared to be with anyone else. You were scared to even like anyone else. You wouldn't let yourself be happy. It was like you were perpetually punishing yourself for leaving Josh, and nothing that I did would ever get through to you. But it's over now. And I kind of get why you couldn't move on. You have what the rest of the world is looking for."

I followed her up to the box office as we reached the front of the queue. "So things are good with Chester?" I changed the subject, hoping to lighten the somber conversation.

Markie giggled at my use of the inappropriate nickname. "Yes. I guess I was expecting it to fall apart right away, so I've been pleasantly surprised."

I paused long enough to order my tickets, then turned back to Markie. "Why did you think it would fall apart? He was always such a sweet guy."

Markie's smile softened in a slightly embarassed way. Her cheeks glowed with a pale pink blush, as if I'd caught her saying something that she hadn't meant to expose. "He is. And you know that I don't really have self esteem issues, but I've only ever seen him with really pretty girls. I was scared that I just wouldn't measure up."

I snorted, shoving her shoulder lightly. "You forgot something. He dated me. Clearly he doesn't have high standards."

"I was trying to give you a compliment. Don't try and lump me in with you," she smirked.

I laughed as we rejoined the boys. Josh handed me my drink and popped a piece of popcorn into his mouth. We got our seats and, as promised, I sat between Josh and Markie. When the movie was over, Josh and I walked out holding hands.

"Hey, Becky, can I talk to you for a second?"

I paused in confusion and glanced rapidly between Ian and Josh. I wondered if I had imagined Ian's question. Surely Josh would have a problem with it if it were real. To my dismay, Markie was mirroring my unsettled stare between the two boys.

"This is worse than if you had shared popcorn," Josh hissed at me.

I gaped up at him. I didn't know wether to go with Ian or to stay with Josh. In answer to my unasked question, Josh sighed and released my hand.

"Go ahead," he groaned. "But stand three feet apart at all times."

I rolled my eyes as I stepped away. "Apparently trust has little to no meaning these days."

"It's not you that I don't trust," Josh's eyes didn't stray from Ian's pale face.

Feeling almost a bit embarassed, I walked with Ian until the two of us were out of earshot. I felt like Josh was going to try and read our lips anyways.

"I'm really sorry," I apologized. "He's not usually so judgemental. Usually he's nice to everyone. He just isn't used to being around my exes. Well, not one that he hasn't known for over a decade."

"I get it, Becky. I'm sorry too. I didn't realize that this was going to be so awkward. I really want things to be good between us. I understand that it's hard when you've got a boyfriend now and I've got Markie. And it probably looks really bad that I wanted to talk to you alone, but I just had to get something off of my chest.

"I have a couple of questions for you. When we were together, you were always so scared. You would hide away everytime it started to look serious. Obviously someone hurt you, but you refused to talk about it. But I really want to know something. Was it Josh that hurt you back then?"

I folded my arms across my chest in what I hoped was an offensive manner. "He didn't mean to. And I'd forgiven him before I ever left Vancouver. It was my fault that I came back here."

"But why did you forgive him so easily?"

"Because I knew that he loved me and he was sorry."

"And instead of staying here and having something remotely healthy with me, you chose to go back to the guy that broke your heart?"

I looked away. "I wasn't lying when I said that I was in love with someone else, Ian. I never got over him. And I'm really sorry that you had to get stuck in the middle. I did care about you, I swear."

Ian sighed. "Okay, I have one more thing to ask. And if you give me a truthful answer, I'll leave it alone."

"Go ahead," I said, though I was feeling more and more anxious as the conversation deepened.

Ian inhaled, then gave me a meaningful gaze. "Does he make you happy?"

I almost laughed out loud in relief. "That's the big question? Of course he makes me happy. I feel more at ease when I'm with Josh than any other time. I know that your impression of him is that he's overprotective and, well, maybe kind of a jerk, but he's not really like that. He's sweet and funny and he really loves me. I don't know what else I could possibly need."

He laughed without humor. "That's funny, he sounds just like me. No, actually, he sounds like the naive version of myself from a few years ago."

"Ian, I-"

He shook his head quickly. "No, don't worry about it. We can be friends, right? We did it before. It shouldn't be that hard to forget all of that shit in between."

As we made our way back toward Markie and Josh, I felt heavy and perturbed. Josh imminently picked up on my distress and pulled me aside.

"What did he say to you?"

"Nothing important. I just don't belong here, Josh. As much as I miss my family and Markie, I can't stay here. I guess it's just clear to me now that I need to stay in Vancouver with you. I love you, and I don't need someone second-guessing that just because they don't know you."

Josh looked increasingly more perplexed. "Seriously, what did he say?"

"He just reminded me that as much as I was hurting when I was here, I hurt other people just as badly. And I don't want that reminder."

He slipped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. "Okay. Let's go back to your parents' place. After Christmas is over, we can go home."

I nodded. "Okay. Thanks."

He chuckled lightly. "There's no need to thank me. You know that I'd do anything for you. And I also really like my apartment."

I discovered in that moment that I had reached a point in my life where I took things for granted. In my mind, Josh and Matt were always going to be there; I was comfortable in Vancouver and wanted it to stay that way. Ian's words had thrown a wrench in the gears of my ritualistic lifestyle.

And I wished that I could forget it and go back to the way things were.