Shiny Celebrity Skin

I grabbed the last box from Matt's truck bed and carried it awkwardly inside. I dropped it onto the floor in the elevator. I felt suddenly nervous. There was nothing left of me in Matt's apartment; it was his own place again. It wasn't my home anymore. For an instant, alone in that elevator, I felt lost. I had left my family, and now I had left my best friend; if this didn't work out, what options did I have left?

Matt had given up on finding a roommate for the time being. He was going to try to live on his own again, but he made me promise that I would send him some home-cooked meals every now and then. I swore that he would have a care package almost every night. At least for now, I knew that I could go back there if Josh and I were jumping the gun. But if Matt found a new roommate, that option would be gone. And if Josh and I weren't ready for this now, would we ever be?

Panic-stricken thoughts forced their way into my brain until I felt like I was suffocating inside of the elevator. By the time the doors clanged open, I was sitting on the box that I had been carrying, with my head tucked securely between my knees.

"Becky?" the voice was terrified as someone rushed inside and fell to their knees beside me. To my surprise, all of my fear and anxiety dissipated as warm hands gingerly touched my hair. "What is it? Oh God, are you okay?"

I looked up at Josh with a smile. "I'm perfect."

He gave me a puzzled look. "Then why are you sitting like this?"

"I'm over-analyzing everything. Again. But you made it go away."

Josh let out a relieved laugh. "This is what I've got to look forward to?"

"For as long as you still want me around," I continued to grin happily.

As Josh helped me to my feet and picked up my last box of belongings, I lingered in the elevator for a moment. I was giving up my independence. It wasn't going to be all about me anymore. I had to consider both of our best interests. I liked taking care of myself, so I wasn't sure why I wasn't more upset about the fact that I didn't have to do it anymore.

Then I realized that it had always kind of been this way. For as long as I had known Josh, I had put him before myself. Even when we had lost touch for those unbearable years, he had been my focus. He had affected me since the first day that we spoke. I had always known that things would end this way.

I followed Josh into the hallway and toward the apartment. This was going to be my home now. This was going to be where I came every night and complained about my bad days. I would be able to crawl into bed here and fall asleep in the arms of someone that I loved. And when he left on tour, it would be Josh's things that would make me feel like I was still living with a part of him.

I stepped into the apartment, noticing that I had very few belongings in relation to Josh. I had sent my bed back to Edmonton on a U-Haul, so that my parents could add it to my storage locker in case anybody ever needed it. But, as Markie had proven the last time that I had moved, I could easily adjust that ratio and make it clear that this was no longer just a boy's apartment.

I sat down at the kitchen table where Matt was lounging and picking at a bowl of chips. He reached across the table and nudged my arm.

"How do you like your new home?"

I shrugged. "I'll have to make it work, I suppose. It smells different than my last home. That's going to take some getting used to."

Matt grinned. "Well not everyone can smell as good as me."

"Nobody stinks as much, you mean," Josh snorted as he walked back into the room.

"Cologne helps," Matt said.

I snorted. "Be nice, boys. There's plenty of me to go around." A thick silence fell, and my eyes suddenly widened. "That did not come out the way that I meant it to." The two of them shared a laugh at my expense, but that was nothing new.

Matt got to his feet and ruffled my hair. "Alright, I'm going to take off. I have to move all of my guitars back into their room. I can't handle it being empty. You kids have a good first night together."

I smiled at him, though I suddenly felt nervous again. Matt was filling my room. It was only with his guitars, but it still felt more final than I would have liked. I waved as Matt disappeared through the front door. Josh put his hand gently on my shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I am. I'm just tired. I hate moving."

"Well," Josh sighed as he sat next to me. "Hopefully this will be the last time you have to do it for awhile. Unless we decide that we need a bigger place."

I rolled my eyes at him. "That had better not happen for a really long time. I kind of like this apartment, you know. It's cozy."

"Cozy is just a code word for small."

"It's smaller than Matt's apartment," I conceded. "But that's only because it's a one bedroom place. It's not necessarily a bad thing."

"But eventually we'll have to move," he said. His tone was smug, almost as though this one point validated everything that he had said.

I smiled and nodded. "Yes, Josh, eventually we will have to move. Maybe one day we'll even buy a place. I don't want to rent for the rest of my life, you know. And if kids ever enter the picture, this place won't cut it anymore. But until then, it's perfectly fine for just the two of us. So we probably have a solid decade left."

"A decade?" his eyebrows lifted in skepticism. "Come on, Becky, you know that you want to have kids before then."

I shrugged. "Maybe. But I have other things to do first. And so do you."

"Like what?" he challenged.

"Like go off into the world and spread your music and infect the masses."

"No, I meant what do you have to do? Aren't women supposed to want to be barefoot and pregnant all the time?" A smile pulled at his eyes.

I scowled. "The feminist in me wants to punch you in the kidney right now. I've been doing some thinking lately. I think that I'm going to go back to school."

This time, Josh genuinely looked interested. He leaned in closer and took my hand. "For what? Tell me everything, Becky. This is huge!"

I laughed lightly at his intensity. "Well, we both know that I love music more than anything. And everyone seems to think that I've got talent as a drummer, but I'm just not sure that lightning will strike twice in this household. So I'm not going to go start a band and then fail. I might start one for fun in my spare time and stay local, though. Markie wants to play the tambourine if I do, so there's always that. Anyways, I've just applied to UBC. I'm going to get an English degree and go into journalism. That way, I can minor in music instead of just getting a journalism diploma. I'm really hoping that I can get on with a music magazine here. Then maybe I can report on you guys. Or myself, if my imaginary band gets to be really amazing."

Josh looked truly proud of me. "That's amazing, Becky. I can't believe that you've put that much thought into it and you never said anything. You've really figured it all out, haven't you?"

"I don't even have to move for it. I can stay in this cozy apartment."

He rolled his eyes at my use of the word 'cozy'. "Have you told your parents?"

"You're the only one who knows. Except for Leilani, because I wanted to talk to her about the possibility of working part time to help pay for school. She was really excited about it. But I guess that means that Mike probably knows."

Josh reached out and pulled me into a tight hug. His lips collided with my forehead. "Imagine, soon I'll be sleeping with an educated girl. Don't get a fat head and think that you're too good for me."

"Because I have an English degree? Seriously? I'll be the laughing stock of the academic community."

"No, you won't. You'll be the best music journalist that Vancouver has ever seen."

I clung to him. Josh had always supported me, but I knew that he had wanted something more for me than just waitressing forever. I had wanted more for myself. I was nervous about going back to school when everyone else would be so much younger than me, but I knew that if I waited much longer I was going to give up entirely. And I was better than that.

Instead of just getting a new place to live, I was getting an entirely new life. The change was terrifying, but I hadn't been this excited for a long time.