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"Matthew!" I yelled, slamming the apartment door behind me.

Matt slowly leaned his head around the corner, looking terrified. "What did I do? You never use my full name!"

"First, you didn't tell me that you broke up with Tanya. Second," I counted off on my fingers. "You all kept it a secret from me that you're already planning the next album. Third," I paused, racking my brain. "Okay, so for now there's only two issues. But still, that's not a good thing."

"Calm down, Beck," he laughed at my overreaction. "I broke up with Tanya because she smothered me. I need my freedom. She didn't want me to go to the game with Steve, and you know that I can't miss a hockey game if I have the option to go to it. I couldn't see things going very far with her. And I didn't tell you about the new album because there's nothing to tell. We were talking about possibly getting a bit of writing done, but we haven't even started anything yet."

"But don't you think I'd want to know these things?"

"I know that you care about my love life because you somehow feel guilty that I'm not married yet or something like that, but it's not really your concern. My relationship status is neither your fault, nor your problem."

"But you're lonely!" I argued.

"I'm not. I've still got you, don't I? I'm still young, I don't need to be in a serious relationship right now."

"Okay, but what about the new album? Shouldn't I be alerted when there's even a possibility of new music?"

"I assumed Josh would tell you."

"I think that he was under the impression that I would freak out."

Matt rolled his brown eyes. "What an idiot."

"Shut up, jerk."

"Oh, that's how it is?" His eyes were glittering now. "That's how you talk to the guy that's taking you to see Matthew Good, huh?"

I froze, realizing that I'd completely forgotten about the concert that Josh had mentioned. "Seriously? No way!"

He nodded. "Yeah, so go get ready. We've got to leave in like half an hour."

The concert reminded me of the good old days. We'd gone to see this band once when we were younger; before all the drama with Josh. It made me feel a lot better. Even when I was so down about everything, Matt could find some way to remind me that things with him would never change. Even if the world ended tomorrow, I would be able to die knowing that I'd had the best friend in the world. I felt like I owed him everything.

"Wait," I looked over at Matt as we left the venue with the rest of the concert-goers. "Didn't you buy those tickets so that you could take Tanya?"

He shook his head, looking straight ahead as opposed to at me. I swore I saw a faint flush of pink illuminate his tan cheeks. "No, I was always planning on taking you."

"I don't get it," I admitted, feeling lame. "Josh told me-"

"That's because it's what I told Josh. I didn't break up with Tanya because she didn't want me hanging out with Steve. I broke up with her because she gave me an ultimatum."

I felt a sickening lurch in my stomach. I could guess where this was headed. "Which was?" I prodded him.

"Well, when she found out that I was taking you tonight instead of her, she got a little bit jealous. She told me that it was her or you."

How many relationships of his had ended this way? I felt another surge of guilt. His romantic life would be so much simpler if I wasn't around. But I was an incredibly selfish person, and I couldn't bring myself to release him to the world. I still needed him. Besides, it seemed like the other girls were even more selfish than I was. I had never forced him to choose between me or any one of them.

"I'm sorry Matt. That sucks."

He shrugged as if it was no big deal. "At least I found out that she wasn't the one before it got too far, right?"

"You're always so optimstic. I don't get how you do it."

"Look at everything that's happened in the past few years, Beck. How can I not believe that there's always going to be something god to look forward to? By the way, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You seem a little off tonight. Sometimes when you think I'm not looking, you get this really sad look on your face. Every now and then you even look scared. What's up?"

"You're right, I'm scared. I'm terrified of your success." I decided that it was better to get it out in the open. Matt would never judge me too harshly for it.

To my surprise, Matt laughed. "Aren't I the one that's supposed to be scared of my success?"

I folded my arms and set my jaw. "I'd really appreciate it if you didn't make fun of me right now."

Matt's chuckles fell silent and he gave me a perplexed stare. "Sorry. Why is it bugging you all of a sudden?"

I sighed. "It's been bugging me since the last tour. Now it's just worse. Ever since Shake Tramp came out, girls notice you guys, and-"

"So this is about Josh?"

"No, don't even get me started on my fears about Josh. Right now this is about you."

"What did I do?" He asked, appearing to be worried.

"You didn't do anything. But that's not the point. You guys make all these famous friends and I feel like I'm weighing you down and holding you back. It's not fair to you. And sooner or later, you're going to realize that and you're going to move on and forget about me." I babbled, throwing my hands up occasionally in emotion.

Matt's eyebrows pulled together. "You're sure this isn't about Josh?"

When I looked over at him, my eyes were starting to water. "It's about all of you. You, Josh, Ian, and Mike are the most important guys I have in my life. Aside from Dad, of course. But I'm starting to feel like I'm not good enough. Or I'm not tough enough. Or both. The bigger you guys get, the more you'll be gone. What happens when you start releasing music outside of Canada? At least before I got to have some time with you between tours. If you need to go off to the US or to Europe, when will there be time for me? I don't want to feel like I'm living alone. And I don't want you guys to have to make exceptions just for me. I don't know if I've ever felt this insecure about myself," I prattled on. "You are all attractive, funny, amazing guys. Girls are going to start falling all over you. Hell, girls are already doing that for Josh. There was this girl at the airport, and she just got to me, you know? And I'm not all that pretty. I don't have a whole hell of a lot to offer. Admit it, if we were to meet for the first time right now, none of you would look twice at me. You can have anyone, yet for some reason you keep me around. And I don't understand any of it."

There was a long, heavy silence.

"We plan on being home for the better part of a year," he finally said, speaking slowly. "There's a lot of time to work through all of this. For now, can't we just be like we used to be?"

I nodded, sniffling a little. "Okay. For you, I'll try."

"Want me to talk to Josh?"

"Thanks, but no. That's something that I'll have to do by myself. Speaking of, I'm supposed to go over to his place after."

"I know. He was hanging out with Ian earlier. Apparently you have a drum lesson on Wednesday. I know things before you do! See? We're still all about you, Beck. A few tours and album sales won't change that."

I smiled a tiny bit. "Yeah, that's true."

"Oh, and Markie called while you were at work. She wants to come and visit. She said something about showing Shannon that you're her territory. I told her that she can come anytime."

"Maybe that's what I need right now. She's not tangled up in all of this. A new perspective might be nice."

"Didn't I manage to reassure you at all?"

"Yes, but I think I just need to take a step back from everything for a bit. She's usually pretty good at distracting me. Or making it worse. But I'm hoping for the former."

Matt pulled his keys from his pocket as we approached his truck. They jingled cheerfully as he unlocked the door. I climbed in on the other side, feeling sullen.

"I'm sorry that you had to choose between me and Tanya."

He gazed over at me. "I didn't have to think about it for a second."

He turned his attention to starting the vehicle. I sat in silence. There was absolutely no reason that someone as wonderful as Matt shouldn't be able to have everything. Despite all of my resignations about it, I was starting to formulate a very risky plan. Matt didn't say anything more; he seemed to sense that I was too deep in thought to hear him anyways. He pulled up in front of our building, right next to my car.

"Go to Josh's," he prompted. "You'll feel better."

"Thanks for tonight, Matt. It was great to feel like that again. We were a pretty good team when it was just us, huh?"

"I always thought so. See you later Beck."

I slid out of his truck and ducked straight into my car. I drove at an illegal speed all the way to Josh's place. I happened to catch an elderly man leaving, so I didn't even have to buzz Josh's apartment to get let in. Most of the tenants had seen me coming or going at some point or another, and they usually assumed that I lived here. So it wasn't hard to convince them that I forgot my key and needed to get inside.

I banged on Josh's door loudly. I could hear him shuffling around inside. When the door finally broke apart from the frame, I pushed my way inside and wrapped my arms tightly around his waist. I rested my face against his warm chest. I could sense his surprise and confusion, but I ignored it.

"No matter how freaked out or scared or sad I seem sometimes, I love you. And I love what you do. I mean it."

His hand raked soothingly through my hair. A strange calm settled over the two of us. "Thank you. I love you too. Even when it seems like I'm more focused on the music, you're always in my mind."

"I promised Matt that I'd try and act like things are still the same as before. I like that idea."

"Me, too. We don't have to start a new album right away, you know. We just don't really have much else to do at the moment. But I might start writing and producing for other artists. So I'll still be aroud a lot for awhile."

I smiled into his shirt. "Perfect."

His chest vibrated with a low rumble of laughter. "You can't get any better than that."

"No, you can't. There's no need to get any better. Things are good right now. Let's keep it like this for a little bit."

He kissed the top of my head, and I took it as a silent agreement. I knew that things were bound to change eventually, but I was hoping that it would happen later as opposed to sooner.