The Sunrise of My Heart

Draco and I didn't actually talk about what had happened that night, and he didn't feel the need to tell me why he had been crying in a room full of junk. Still, I knew that my being there mattered to him. I could tell in the way his hand would linger on my waist for a second longer than was necessary, and how he would hold me closer than usual, and even how he said my name. Like it was something sacred, something only he really knew.
Another thing we didn't talk about was my little personal realization. I didn't tell him that I was in love with him, because I had a feeling he would respond badly. Not in an "Oh, sorry, I thought we were just dating, not super serious" kind of way, but in a "Why the hell did you have to complicate things even more for me?" kind of way. So I stayed silent. Okay, I'll admit it, a part of me didn't want to say those words to him unless I was certain he would say them back. And I was definitely less than certain that he felt the same way.
So we continued on like normal, only small signs hinting that something had happened. Still, I felt the need to talk to someone about it, so I searched for Hermione and Ginny. They would be willing to talk about it, right? I thought that over and decided that, yes, they would be willing to talk about it. Even if the thought of it was probably something that made them both nauseous.
Unfortunately, I didn't get the chance to talk to either of them until after classes had ended on Monday. Sunday, I had spent the entire day with Draco, as promised. It was almost awkward at first, until I rolled my eyes, kissed him happily, and asked him to tell me about some of his favorite childhood memories. On Monday, of course, we had those damn annoying classes, so the chance to speak to them then was also ruined. I could have done it during meals, of course, but I would have preferred that to be a private conversation, and all of Gryffindor didn't need to know all of my business, thank you very much.
When I got to the Gryffindor common room, I found Hermione doing homework. I sat next to her, curiously seeing what she was working on. I couldn't help but chuckle when I realized she was correcting (and finishing, most likely) Harry's Herbology essay.
"Hey, Hermione," I said cheerfully. "Back to being the only thing keeping Harry and Ron from failing?"
She sighed. "Apparently."
"They'd be lost without you," I said.
She pretended to grumble about their laziness,but I noticed a small smile on her face at my words.
"So," I said, looking around the common room. "Lavender seems rather upset today. She and Ron fighting again?"
"Yes, apparently," Hermione answered, trying to appear aloof. But the smile on her face only got bigger.
"Well, good. They're a dreadful couple, and I hope they break up soon."
Hermione chuckled at me and nodded her assent before turning her attention back to Harry's essay.
"Hey, have you seen Ginny around?"
"She and Dean were arguing earlier, so she's probably in her room. Do you need her?"
"Actually, I need to talk to both of you. Any chance you could bring that essay up to the fifth year girl's dorm with me?"
"Sure," she said, rolling up the parchment and grabbing her quill and ink pot. I smiled gratefully at her before heading up the stairs to find Ginny. She was, as Hermione had predicted, in her room, laying on her bed with a cross look on her face.
"Hey, Gin," I said when we walked in. "Mind if we intrude?"
"Come on in," she said, sitting up so we would have room to sit on her bed. Hermione sat down and started working on Harry's essay again, occasionally nodding or making sounds of agreement as Ginny and I talked.
"Heard you and Dean were arguing again. He's a prat," I said without knowing what they had argued about. Laws of friendship, the other person is always wrong. Unless you know for a fact that your friend was in the wrong. But I doubted it.
Ginny smiled at that and nodded. "Yeah, he can be. He was laughing about McLaggen hitting the Bludger at Harry's head."
"What a jerk," I said, shaking my head. "It wouldn't be so funny if it had been him getting knocked off his broom."
"I know!" Ginny said angrily. "Not to mention, Harry's supposed to be his friend. Who laughs at their friend almost getting murdered by an imbecile?"
"I'm sure he didn't mean to seem like such a dickwad, though. He probably only laughed after he knew Harry was okay." I decided to go easy on Dean because I really didn't want to be in the middle of their relationship drama.
"I guess," she grumbled, pulling her legs up to her chest and resting her chin on her knees.
"Riley, wasn't there something you wanted to talk to us about?" Hermione asked, glancing up at me for a brief moment.
"Right, yes," I said. "So, you know how sometimes you're just walking along and everything's normal, and then suddenly you do something that you totally had not planned on doing?"
"Um, I think?" Ginny said.
"Right, well, Saturday I was walking along. Literally, you know. Just walking the halls of Hogwarts, and then Ir an into Brendan Dove, and he's an asshole, so then I was kind of angry and upset because he made me think of Adrian and how he turned out to be an asshole, and then I ran into Draco and I guess he was in a bad mood too."
"Do you have any idea where this is going?" Ginny muttered to Hermione.
"Did you and Draco break up?" Hermione asked sympathetically. "You said you ran into him while you were both in bad moods, and you both have pretty bad tempers."
"I had sex with Draco," I said, just getting it all out in the open.
Two shocked faces stared at me, both of their mouths hanging open.
"You...Draco...Sex?" Hermione asked rather eloquently.
"Yeah," I said. "We were alone, and we both just needed to be comforted, and then we were having sex on the floor of the Room of Requirement."
"Wow, er..." Ginny said. "Well, are you happy about it? Or was it a mistake?"
"No, it wasn't a mistake. I'm happy about it. And he seems to be too."
"Seems to be?" Hermione asked.
"Well, we haven't really talked about it. He's not big in feelings, you know. But he's treating me a little different now. More...affectionate, I guess. He smiles at me more, and he always has his arm wrapped around my waist, and... He's just very pleasant to me, so I doubt he regrets it."
"Well, are you going to sleep with him again?" Ginny asked.
"I'm not sure," I answered honestly. "Probably, I guess. I hold no aversion to the idea. I guess it's really up to Draco."
"Would he be willing to talk to you about having sex again?" Hermione asked, her cheeks turning a bit pink,
I snorted. "Not likely. He'll probably hint at it in a more physical way." Now both of their cheeks were rather rosy. I laughed at them. "What? He's a teenage boy with hormones and an attractive girlfriend! What is he supposed to do?"
"Ask you, maybe?" Hermione said.
"Oh, he'll ask in his own way if I want to have sex again. And if I say no, he'll leave it alone."
"And you're sure of that?" Ginny said skeptically. "He won't try to pressure me."
"I'm sure. He tried to sleep with me once before, but I stopped him. And he was fine with that. A little disappointed, and sporting a raging h-- er, hickey from me, but he let the matter drop and didn't try to push me." Somehow, I doubted they wanted to hear that Draco had had a hard-on during the occasion of which I spoke. They also didn't need to know we had been drunk, outside, and breaking numerous school rules.
"Wow. I guess he's not as awful as I had expected," Ginny said.
"Not to me, at least," I agreed with a smile.
"So..." Hermione said after there had been a short silence. "How was it?" Her pinks were very bright at this point.
I smiled. "It was nice. A little painful, you know, because it was my first time. But he was sweet and gentle. It was pretty much the perfect first time anyone could have." They both smiled at that. "Speaking of first times," I said, giving Ginny a devious smirk. "Are you a virgin?"
Her eyes widened at me. "Yes," she said defiantly.
"But not totally innocent," I guessed.
She shrugged, acting nonchalant, but I noticed her cheeks had grown a bit brighter. I laughed again, and eventually she did too.
"Oh, shut up," she said. "You had sex with the Slytherin ferret!"
We cracked up even harder at that, Hermione joining in.
"I can't believe you called him that!" I said between laughs.
"If he knew what we were talking about, he'd kill us," Hermione said, but the thought did not stop our laughter.
"Nah, he'd sulk for awhile but I'd make it up to him when we were alone later," I said.
I hadn't meant for there to be a sexual innuendo in my words, but we all froze for a few seconds, thinking about what I had said, and then burst out laughing ever harder.
"Oh God, I can't breathe," I said, clutching at my stomach.
"Me neither," Ginny agreed, tears leaking from her eyes because of all the laughter.
It took some time, but our laughing finally stopped and we simply sat in companionable silence.
"Oh, you two can't tell anyone this. Not that I don't want people knowing, it's just personal. And also, Rona and Harry just wouldn't understand."
"We won't," Hermione promised.
Ginny nodded. "Our lips are sealed. Unlike your legs," she said with a smirk.
"Hey!" I protested.
She raised her eyebrows, waiting for me to come up with an argument to her statement.
"Well at least it was only one time, with the guy I've been dating on and off for two years. It could be half of Gryffindor house, you know."
Ginny laughed. "That is true."
"So..." Hermione started, looking at me in that penetrating way of hers. "Do you love him?"
Ginny stared at me expectantly, eagerly awaiting my answer.
"What do you think?" I asked them.
Loud squeals of excitement suddenly assaulted my ears, and I was wrapped tightly in both their arms.
"Oh, Riley!" Hermione said happily. "I'm so happy for you."
"Yeah, I know he's a prat and a jerk and possibly evil, but he makes you happy, so we're both thrilled," Ginny agreed.
I laughed at her phrasing and hugged them back.
"Does he love you?" Ginny asked, pulling back to look at me.
I sighed. "I don't know. I haven't told him how I feel yet, and I don't really plan on telling him anytime soon."
"Why not?" Hermione asked, also pulling back to look at me.
"It's complicated. He's really stressed right now, and he has a lot to deal with. I know throwing love in the mix doesn't seem like such a bad thing, but it would just make things really confusing for him. So I'll stay quiet for now about how deep my feelings for him run."
"You have a lot of patience when it comes to him," Ginny said, shaking her head in a way that clearly said she would never be able to put up with someone like him.
I smiled. "I understand him, which helps. And he knows everything about me and still wants to have a relationship, so I know I matter to him a lot."
"And you love him," Hermione said, grinning at me.
I rolled my eyes, but a grin still spread across my face. "Yes, that too."
"He has to love you," Ginny said. "He doesn't treat anyone else the way he treats you. You're special to him. Surely it means he loves you."
I shrugged. "Time will tell. Either way, I'm happy with how things are, so I'm in no rush to shake them up by throwing the "L word" into the mix."
"Won't he be wondering where you are?" Hermione asked.
"What time is it?" I frowned. "Surely it's not past 8:30 or so."
"It's almost 10:00," she answered.
"Ah, crap. Yeah, he'll probably be getting annoyed by now. I'll see you two later. Good luck with Dean and crazy stalker girlfriend!" I called out to them as I got up and rushed out the door. I needn't have worried about Draco, though. When I got to the Slytherin common room, he wasn't there. I sat down on the couch to wait for him in case he came back from Mystery Land sometime soon. My wait was short-lived. Within five minutes, he was walking through the doorway and into the common room.
"Hey," I said with a smile when I saw him. "Where were you?"
"Just taking a walk," he said with an easy shrug. I knew he was lying, of course, but I dropped it. There are some things you probably don't want to know.
"Cool," I said. "Spring will be here soon. Maybe we can go skinny dipping once the water in the Black Lake warms up."
He had seemed lost in his thoughts from the moment he walked in, but those words startled him back to reality. "What?" he asked in shock.
"Skinny dipping. That lovely form of swimming where you take all your clothes off and have a mini heart attack because the water is freezing."
"I know what skinny dipping is," he said, coming to sit down beside me.
"Great. So what do you think?"
"Riley, are trying to seduce me?" he asked, his voice completely serious. But there was a glimmer of humor in his eyes that let me know he was joking.
I chuckled and nodded. "Yes, yes I am."
"Well, I'd say it's working," he answered with his signature Slytherin smirk. "But skinny dipping? I don't really see the appeal. Letting nasty, polluted water cover your body while hoping the giant squid doesn't grope you or drown you?"
"You're so cynical," I said, curling up against him. He wrapped his arm around me and held me close to his side, looking at me with this small smile on his face that made my heart glow.
"You're so weird," he said affectionately.
I smiled and nodded, unable to deny that. We sat there for awhile more, just basking in each others company. While we sat, I pondered over what Ginny had said. Did he love me? I wasn't even sure if he knew himself. And that was okay with me. He would need time to consider something so enormous. I couldn't give him all the time in the world, but I would try to give him as much time as he needed.